I forgot
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I forgot
I woke this morning forgetting in the first moments that I was me.
I mean I knew I was me but I forgot I was this me. The alcoholic drug addict.
It's happened before. I wake with my heart skipping a beat in anticipation of the day and weekend. I have always been a morning person. I can jump out of bed and be ready to do anything within minutes.
This happened when I lost my mother back in 2003. And before my addictions were in full swing.
I woke and forgot she died. I felt awful that I could forget such a thing. The emotions of the loss seem twice as strong when that happened. They cam crashing in deeper than normal.
Not today. It did come quickly to me. The focus that staying sober requires. The lack of freedoms I miss so much.
But... It did not come crashing in. It was more of an " oh yeah.... That."
Is that good? Is that bad?
I thought about this all the way to work. Am I trying to minimize things so I can plan a relapse? Or am I accepting things better now that the routine of staying sober has become habit?
I choose the latter.
I have made my plans for the weekend. Left myself "me" time to cook or do something to feel alive at my normal drunk times. Going to see family Saturday.
It's nice when I can feel the reprieve for even a moment not consumed by my efforts.
I am going to take a deep breath and continue with routine today. And acceptance. They are starting to go hand in hand.
K
I mean I knew I was me but I forgot I was this me. The alcoholic drug addict.
It's happened before. I wake with my heart skipping a beat in anticipation of the day and weekend. I have always been a morning person. I can jump out of bed and be ready to do anything within minutes.
This happened when I lost my mother back in 2003. And before my addictions were in full swing.
I woke and forgot she died. I felt awful that I could forget such a thing. The emotions of the loss seem twice as strong when that happened. They cam crashing in deeper than normal.
Not today. It did come quickly to me. The focus that staying sober requires. The lack of freedoms I miss so much.
But... It did not come crashing in. It was more of an " oh yeah.... That."
Is that good? Is that bad?
I thought about this all the way to work. Am I trying to minimize things so I can plan a relapse? Or am I accepting things better now that the routine of staying sober has become habit?
I choose the latter.
I have made my plans for the weekend. Left myself "me" time to cook or do something to feel alive at my normal drunk times. Going to see family Saturday.
It's nice when I can feel the reprieve for even a moment not consumed by my efforts.
I am going to take a deep breath and continue with routine today. And acceptance. They are starting to go hand in hand.
K
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Accepting that we don't drink or use anymore is where we start, Ken. It's not a reprieve, it is a release from being a slave. You have the key to those manacles in your pocket. Have a great weekend.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
It must be kind of hard having advice thrown at you from every angle Ken...I hope you are reading the book and listening to your sponsor....That's how I got sober.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I forget quite often these days Ken. It worries me sometimes too, everything seems so 'normal'... But then I remember that the reason I feel good is because I stopped drinking and I make damn sure I stay that way. It is nice to not have alcohol be our number one obsession anymore, but it's amazing how easy the thought 'oh, I'm not obsessing about alcohol, I must be okay now, maybe I'll have a drink' can creep up on us 
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Nice to have a reprieve from thinking about it all, even for just a few minutes. I woke up with energy this morning-it's been so long I couldn't even identify what it was lol
Glad you're planning ahead for the weekend-it really helps.
This process is making you a new person, so it makes sense you would feel different waking up now. The old person can tag along on the journey, they just don't get a vote anymore
Glad you're planning ahead for the weekend-it really helps.
This process is making you a new person, so it makes sense you would feel different waking up now. The old person can tag along on the journey, they just don't get a vote anymore
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
The focus that staying sober requires. The lack of freedoms I miss so much.
As for freedoms you will get ones that are worthwhile and fun, they will have been hard won and worked for , give yourself the gift of some time for things to fall into place .
Bestwishes, M
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
M... You made something stand out to me I had not seen.... Now I can see it jump off the screen.
Yes in these early days focus is needed. Required from anyone who really wants this. Making sobriety number one until....
And the loss of freedoms. I see from others here that I will actually gain them... Not lose them.
I suspect this change will occur without much notice. I will look up one day and realize it. So many things are occurring like this. Change happens when we aren't looking.
I am excited for my weekend. My sober time. And everything that offers me.
Thanks for pointing that out to me.
And thanks everyone else for you comments and support.
Wish you all a happy sober weekend!
K
Yes in these early days focus is needed. Required from anyone who really wants this. Making sobriety number one until....
And the loss of freedoms. I see from others here that I will actually gain them... Not lose them.
I suspect this change will occur without much notice. I will look up one day and realize it. So many things are occurring like this. Change happens when we aren't looking.
I am excited for my weekend. My sober time. And everything that offers me.
Thanks for pointing that out to me.
And thanks everyone else for you comments and support.
Wish you all a happy sober weekend!
K
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by mecanix
I hope you'll find sobriety becomes normal and requires far less focus than planning our next drinking session .. in fact being sober is quite natural and doesn't require much thought at all.
Originally Posted by Weasel1966 
Yes in these early days focus is needed. Making sobriety number one until....
I see from others here that I will actually gain freedoms... Not lose them.
I suspect this change will occur without much notice. I will look up one day and realize it.
K
I see from others here that I will actually gain freedoms... Not lose them.
I suspect this change will occur without much notice. I will look up one day and realize it.
K
You have a great weekend too.
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