I could have helped her. ;-(
:-(
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
I could have helped her. ;-(
So my A mother promised me she was going to have an early night last night, as our dog passed away a couple of days ago, and our little puppy is taking it very hard.
So by 2am, I wasn't really surprised when mother was not in her bed, that's just usual nowadays.
But at 3am, I heard a tremendous crash bang wallop, as someone fell down the stairs, I was half asleep and it scared the crap out of me, so I grabbed my small knife I keep next to my bed, just in case, (I live in a pub, and ya never know when a drunk person is going to go in the wrong door looking for the toilet, or try rob us) so I went to the top of my stairs, and could hear nothing, so I slowly crept down them, shaking, fearing that I would find my mother at the bottom, but she was nowhere to be seen. I could hear her murmuring a little bit, but it did sound like kissing noises, and after the affairs and things I have seen happen when she is drunk the last few years, it wouldn't surprise me.
As she often falls and I try to help, but she pushes me away, and just wants me to pour her a drink, I give up now, and I cant stop her drinking, so I just hoped she was OK and went back to bed, as I am trying to stop stressing about her, and to finally live my own life as of a couple of weeks ago.
So this morning I get awoken by her best friend calling me, saying mother has fallen down the stairs and has a huge gash in her head, the friends dad is taking them to the hospital, and do I want picking up?? Well, I am sick as it is, and don't really want to be going in a car, and cant handle much more stressing about my mother, she keeps doing this to herself and I keep hoping one day it will be her rock bottom and she will open her eyes, but I'm still waiting.
Hopefully it is not that bad, just talked to the barman, there is a pool of blood on the bottom of the stairs, mother didn't even know until the cleaner pointed out that her head was covered in blood!!! So hopefully just a few stitches and she can go back to her beloved cider, and guilt trip me into helping her now, all cause she is injured, well as they say with hangovers, 'self inflicted, no sympathy', I know I sound like a heartless cow, but this is what she has done to me, I have made myself sick stressing and worrying about her.
So now I feel bad that I'm not going to the hospital, I feel bad that I didn't go and check on her, am I a bad daughter???
So by 2am, I wasn't really surprised when mother was not in her bed, that's just usual nowadays.
But at 3am, I heard a tremendous crash bang wallop, as someone fell down the stairs, I was half asleep and it scared the crap out of me, so I grabbed my small knife I keep next to my bed, just in case, (I live in a pub, and ya never know when a drunk person is going to go in the wrong door looking for the toilet, or try rob us) so I went to the top of my stairs, and could hear nothing, so I slowly crept down them, shaking, fearing that I would find my mother at the bottom, but she was nowhere to be seen. I could hear her murmuring a little bit, but it did sound like kissing noises, and after the affairs and things I have seen happen when she is drunk the last few years, it wouldn't surprise me.
As she often falls and I try to help, but she pushes me away, and just wants me to pour her a drink, I give up now, and I cant stop her drinking, so I just hoped she was OK and went back to bed, as I am trying to stop stressing about her, and to finally live my own life as of a couple of weeks ago.
So this morning I get awoken by her best friend calling me, saying mother has fallen down the stairs and has a huge gash in her head, the friends dad is taking them to the hospital, and do I want picking up?? Well, I am sick as it is, and don't really want to be going in a car, and cant handle much more stressing about my mother, she keeps doing this to herself and I keep hoping one day it will be her rock bottom and she will open her eyes, but I'm still waiting.
Hopefully it is not that bad, just talked to the barman, there is a pool of blood on the bottom of the stairs, mother didn't even know until the cleaner pointed out that her head was covered in blood!!! So hopefully just a few stitches and she can go back to her beloved cider, and guilt trip me into helping her now, all cause she is injured, well as they say with hangovers, 'self inflicted, no sympathy', I know I sound like a heartless cow, but this is what she has done to me, I have made myself sick stressing and worrying about her.
So now I feel bad that I'm not going to the hospital, I feel bad that I didn't go and check on her, am I a bad daughter???
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
Heartless cow? NO! It appears you have a mother that has allowed you to parent her, so that she can remain in active addiction. i have children and that is heartless in my book. It sounds like you are doing some self work and trying to establish boundaries in your life. If you dont mind me asking, are you still a minor or completely dependent on your mom?
There is a children of alcoholics/addicts forum right below this one. You are definately welcome here, but you may also find some people on there who have been in your shoes.
There is a children of alcoholics/addicts forum right below this one. You are definately welcome here, but you may also find some people on there who have been in your shoes.
:-(
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
yes I do feel the role reversal, I am 27, and feel I should be to old for these feelings, but since joining this website, I have realized that is not the case.
I live with my mother as we took on a pub together with my step dad, who has since had enough of her lies, drinking and cheating.
So now I am stuck with her until I get rid of this sickness I have, and can get a job and move away from her, but for the minute I am stuck. I have signed up to see a counselor to sort my head out, I have just started taking anti depressants, as my mother tells me I am the problem, I need to see a psychiatrist, she is in such denial, and not being a good parent at all. So she has had X-rays and scans and all is OK, she just needs stitches now, and then she will be home to guilt trip me into looking after her, even though it is self inflicted, I am ready to give up on her, but I love her so much and only have one mother, like she only has one child. I will look into the next forum, thanks for listening/reading and your help. ;-p
I live with my mother as we took on a pub together with my step dad, who has since had enough of her lies, drinking and cheating.
So now I am stuck with her until I get rid of this sickness I have, and can get a job and move away from her, but for the minute I am stuck. I have signed up to see a counselor to sort my head out, I have just started taking anti depressants, as my mother tells me I am the problem, I need to see a psychiatrist, she is in such denial, and not being a good parent at all. So she has had X-rays and scans and all is OK, she just needs stitches now, and then she will be home to guilt trip me into looking after her, even though it is self inflicted, I am ready to give up on her, but I love her so much and only have one mother, like she only has one child. I will look into the next forum, thanks for listening/reading and your help. ;-p
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
No problem and you are absolutely welcome on this forum too! Many of the issues dealing with an addict surpass the specific relationship dynamic. I've found similarities steepen dealing with my sister and my husband.
It sounds like you are taking proactive steps toward recovery. The hardest thing to understand at times is that helping can be not helpful. Sometimes it keeps them propped up enough to not feel they need to seek help. My dad has been severely Codie to my sister for 2O years. I said to him one time, "Dad all the money and time you have up into sister has not bought you what you wanted, her sobriety. All that money and time was in effEct wasted." that woke him up to giving her money and he put up some boundaries. It was a start. You have a life to live and it is selfish for her to ask you to give up you're so she can continue engaging in selfish behaviors.
It sounds like you are taking proactive steps toward recovery. The hardest thing to understand at times is that helping can be not helpful. Sometimes it keeps them propped up enough to not feel they need to seek help. My dad has been severely Codie to my sister for 2O years. I said to him one time, "Dad all the money and time you have up into sister has not bought you what you wanted, her sobriety. All that money and time was in effEct wasted." that woke him up to giving her money and he put up some boundaries. It was a start. You have a life to live and it is selfish for her to ask you to give up you're so she can continue engaging in selfish behaviors.
:-(
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
ah I just got what a Codie is, a co dependent, that is sooo me, I do everything I can to help my mother, so I don't get into trouble, and so she doesn't lose this pub, and my dad tells me I should be helping her in this tough time, which I am trying, so I don't know who to listen to, my father lives at the other end of the country and I cant stay with him as he has no room for me. the customers in the pub tell me to take her to rehab, take away her alcohol etc etc, but it is her pub, she can really do what she wants, I have tried to tell her, beg her, ask her, cry to her, get angry with her, nothing works.
Mother is the one being stubborn, she also has fybromyalgia, and the amount of pills she takes for that, mixed with the alcohol is going to be the death of her I think,
She just rang from the hospital and she has a fractured skull and has to stay in overnight, I hope this will shock her and wake her up to herself, but I really don't think it will yet.
Mother is the one being stubborn, she also has fybromyalgia, and the amount of pills she takes for that, mixed with the alcohol is going to be the death of her I think,
She just rang from the hospital and she has a fractured skull and has to stay in overnight, I hope this will shock her and wake her up to herself, but I really don't think it will yet.
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