ula

I'm new here, 2 months sober for the first time after 15 years of drinking. I have a friend coming over in a few hours with vodka. I've been planning this for a week. I was talking to a dear friend who has helped me tremendously in the last two months a few days ago and I wanted to speak up and tell her about my plans but I didn't because I know she'd come over and talk me out of it. She's going to be very upset with me and no matter how awful that sounds I kinda don't care right now. I know that sounds horrible and makes me a bad friend but its how I feel. Being sober after 15 years of very heavy drinking is very scary, I feel like a little kid afraid of the world.

I found this site while browsing online and was hoping that some of you could share some stories or have any advice for me on how to deal with all of this. Thanks.

justhadenough

congrats on 2 months-why would you want to give that away. I don't think you do really or you wouldn't have come here. Maybe cancel your friend or get them to come over minus vodka. going back to day 1,feeling,ill. rough,out of control, full of regrets, shame,guilt,fear, anger-I've been there twice after 45 days sober-it's not good. you'll regret it so much if you drink.I hope you don't.best wishes.jhe

pipparina

As yourself why you stopped 2 months ago. I assume it was because bad things were happening from drinking.
Then ask yourself, is it really worth it not knowing where that vodka will lead you? You're assuming you can just stop once this little party is over. But what if you can't just stop again? What if it leads to weeks/months/years of more misery first?

silly

You don't want your friend to talk you out of it so I'm guessing you don't want us to either. So what I will say is: congrats on 2 months sober, that's awesome! And welcome to SR. You'll get a lot out of the threads/posts here.

dSober

Jeez, I can't count the number of times I've planned my relapse.

Felt good during it, of course, but then...

Made me feel worse then ever afterwards. Not to mention, my life became just a wee bit crappier!

FenwayFaithful

I bet you WILL care, when all is said and done and you've blacked out and perhaps done something you'll regret, or you drink after 2 months sober & end up in a binge or you ruin things with this close friend of yours. You might not know it but your actions affect others. They effect the people who care about you.

Why are you here? Ask yourself that.

If you REALLY wanted this would you be here? I think deep down you want someone to talk you out of it.

What makes you want to drink? What will you get out of it? What has alcohol every brought an alcoholic? Do you want to risk all that and throw away two months of being sober for one night?

I've relapsed quite a few times and it ALWAYS starts with one. You have one and you can't stop.

I hope you don't drink. Recovery isn't always easy, it's something you do, you gotta work at it for it to work for you.

I know it's scary to face some thing sober. I know losing alcohol can feel like losing a best friend or security blanket but the thought of how out of control your life gets on alcohol is even scarier.

dSober

P.S. Ula, I found this place yesterday googling "alcohilic's moment of clarity" after hearing Samuel Jackson use the term towards the end of "Pulp Fiction".

Glad I did. After spending a while poking around and posting a few messages, I've found that this is where I should be.

missingtheoldme

ULA...Listen to Fenway....they know what they are talking about..read their post over and over and over again. You will answer your own questions and doubts. Not worth it my friend. And yes you wouldn't be here telling us if you thought it was a good idea. Dsober...welcome...12 days for me and this place has saved me...happy you are with us. good day to all and ULA I don't know you but I don't want this for you. hug

emhow2

I bet the feeling of passing up the drink and making it to 3 months will feel a lot better. That being said....my husband and I have a date on Saturday at a casino and I kinda want a drink. But #1 I'm scared to even ask him if I can even though its sort of a celebratory date, and #2 I know I will feel so proud if I make it to one week. If you could keep it to one, then maybe that would make you feel proud too. But if you down half a bottle of vodka after being sober for 2 months (congratulations btw!!) you're going to feel like crap!

Obladi

Ula, why??

I know about planning relapse; I've done that.
Can you tell us why?

You have a chance here to change your mind and we'd like to help you. That you came here to post speaks volumes - please say more?
I have all kinds of ideas rushing at me, but don't want to throw a whole lot of stuff out there in the blind hope I'll make my mark... but I sure would like you to help us to talk you out of it.

ula

Wow! Thanks for all the support! All of you make a very good point in your posts. Perhaps I do want to be talked out of it? I'm still not 100% sure on how today will go. I do know that I want to be sober and if I'm not strong enough to do it today then at least I know I found a very supportive place. I'm trying to find the courage to call my friend and tell her not to come but the darn need to drink is so much grater.

dSober

You don't need to drink. You want to drink.

Obladi

Ok, how bout this?
Call your friend that will talk you out of it.
Then call your vodka-courier and cancel.

You have set yourself up with a test.
You can pass this one and you will feel AWEsome when you do!

You can hang out with your dear friend instead, if she's available.
Or you can hang out with US for the day. Just reading the wealth of information and writing some posts of your own (if you like) will keep you occupied for well beyond a day. I know, I did it yesterday and intend to do so again today.

Obladi

p.s. I second what dSober says - recognize this is a want not a need.
Try reversing things - To be happy in life, do you want to be sober or do you need to be sober?

FenwayFaithful

It's only greater if you let it be! You have TWO MONTHS! That's is seriously a huge accomplishment. I've over here happy I've got two weeks cos it's been years since I've gone more then two days without drinking, two months is a big deal. You've gotten past the worst of it. You've probably turned down friends invitations to bars in the past two months, you've probably dealt with stressful nights and cravings and the horrible withdrawal symptoms in the first few days. You got through all that why can't you get through this?

I truly believe you don't want to drink. I know what it's like to sit there and THINK you want to but then I think about all the stupid things that happen when I drink and how I can't just have a few and remain normal, I always do something I regret and at this point even if I actually managed not to drink that much I WOULD regret so much drinking at all.

It's so easy to fall back into the trap when you allow yourself even just one night.

Drinking WON'T bring you want you need. Your addict brain is trying to tell you that alcohol would make you feel better and it would fix things but alcohol is never the solution, it's the PROBLEM!

I really don't think this is really what you want, it's what your alcoholism wants. But you've been winning battles against it for two months, don't let it win this one.

I've had to distance myself from people who give me a tightness in my stomach or just make me uncomfortable and these people are those who use and drink, I just can't be around that and I don't think it would be smart for you to be either.

It sounds like you have some great friends outside of this one who will encourage you to stay sober. Reach out to them. These are the kind of positive people you need to surround yourself with.

Only you can make this decision in the end.The logical sober part of you knows what the right decision is, the alcoholic part of you is trying to tell you something different.

What part is going to win?

Believe it or not, that sober part of you, it IS stronger. May not always feel that way but it is.

ula

I want to call her and tell her not to come but the thought makes me want to break out in tears. How pathetic is that?

quitforme79

Hey ula,
I planned all my past relapses. When I think back to them, I KNEW I was in the planning stages and I didn't do anything to get my arse out of that mind frame. Call a sober friend, keep posting here, get to an AA meeting, cancel plans with your friend who is bringing vodka. Sometimes, when I feel really close to picking up a drink, I tell myself I can drink tomorrow but just not today. By the time tomorrow comes I have done something positive in my recovery and my brain shifts gears. I am glad you posted here and hope to see you in the threads.

Obladi

It's ok, Ula.
Call her and tell her and break out in tears.
Your dear friend will be there for you.
And we will, too.

You can do this.

FenwayFaithful

Not pathetic at all.

When I called my friends last week and told them I wasn't going to the bar with them I cried for like 2 hours, it wasn't so much about my friends either. It was about the fact that I couldn't go out drinking.

But then I woke up the next day sober with another day of sobriety behind me and I felt good. I hadn't blacked out, I didn't wake up hungover and I felt proud of myself for not drinking.

It all starts with one day, you just have to look at it as one more day of not drinking.

Drinking leads us to very bad and very dark places. My guess is as hard as it might be to turn down this invitation, it will be even harder and more painful when you wake up the next day and regret drinking because I truly think you will.

Obladi

Yeah, not pathetic.

Those tears might be because you so very much want YOU back and do not want to give in to this addiction. That's a pretty emotional thing. Scary too, I get it. But you are worth it.