JenK2

And I am helpless... 2 short term treatments.. one 5 month rehab.. I am done with enabling. He was unconscious last night at a friends.. There is nothing left to do that I have not done. He is a sweet sensitive soul who is tormented by this disease.. So I sit here practising detachment while he lays comatose somewhere. I do not know how much more my heart can bare...
Jen

bryangt

Jen, I feel for you. It is so hard when they are our flesh & blood. My son also has problems with pills & liquor. He is a smart 'boy' & very creative...but somewhere he fell off track and I can only lead by my example at this point. Try not to beat yourself up over what went wrong. Pray if that helps...I do that daily. Many go back to rehab, but it seems that they have to want recovery, it can't be forced upon them.

JenK2

Getting pretty frantic.. I know the worst thing I can do is go get him.. Someone help..

Kimm992

If you are concerned he has overdosed it might be wise to call 911 and send an ambulance over there to help him.

If you are pretty confident he's just passed out and recovering from a binge I would leave him.

I know it's not easy. Hugs to you...

bryangt

If he needs medical attention or if you know he is in a coma, maybe an ambulance should be called....(or 911 if an emergency)

dollydo

Call 911, they are trained in dealing with drug addicts, you are not.

Ilovemysonjj

Jenn, I agree you should call 911 if you have confirmed information that he is not conscious. They will determine if hospitalization is needed. That is not enabling, that is normal human concern for another's well being.

Ann

I am praying for your boy too, Jen. I know your pain, my son overdosed several times and it is a miracle he lived through them...and yet he continues to use drugs.

I agree, if you believe he may be in danger, call 911. Then say a prayer and let God handle the rest.

Hugs from one mama's heart to another's.

JenK2

No.. I know he is conscious... otherwise i would have gone to hell and back to get him to a hospital.. But what happens the next time?
I have been practising detatchment and know that there is not one more thing I can do for him. I get it... But I am filled with fear and don't know how to control it. My heart is broken and I am filled with dread..

JMFburns

Jen,

Have you tried AlAnon or NarAnon? The acceptance and support I found in the rooms of AlAnon helped me. At first if only for the 60-90 minutes I was in the meeting, but eventually longer and eventually to the point where I was able to spend more time thinking and caring about myself!

hope213

it is really hard to detatch. i have lived the life of having an addict son, now my grandson is an addict & also i can see my 14yr.old grand daughter going down the same road. i have lived on this site & went to meeting & prayed & read & read & read some more. i am so sorry for you. i heal your hurt.i know the hurt u are having. all the pain. read, read, read, come back & come back & read some more. i did it & so can you. my son is serving a 7 yr. sentence in prison due to his addiction. my grand son has been in & out of mental hospitals, & been to prison once. it takes alot of work to detatch from the one you love.. i will send up prayers for you. remember the 3 c's. you did not cause it, u can not control it & u can not cure it.. we have no control over any one. GOd bless,

washbe2

(((Jen))))) I know this so hard. Nothing hurts like a Mama's heart. I pray for relief for you and your son. We walk with you.

crazybabie

(((((jen)))) Detaching can sometimes be hard but it can be done you will be OK.

I have 2 sons who are addicted as well as my husband and brother my mom is a recovering alcoholic and dad is still drinking.

My middle son did overdose when he was 19 he had no pulse in my living room floor thank God CPR worked and he had a short stay in the hospital on a vent.


My main point is even after all this I have finally learned to detach you will too in time.
Sending prayers your way.

EJG123

I know your pain and its gut wrenching. Let yourself grieve and find some support. Of course you'll call 911 if you know he's in danger next time. But if you don't know, you can trust that he's in God's hands and it wasn't meant for you to save him. Your job now is to save yourself and not let your son's addiction destroy your life too.

seventytimes7

Dear JenK2: I am in the exact place you are. I have this terrible dread of the future - that at any time he may be taken from me. The "clock ticking" sort of anxiety. While I stand here completely helpless and as you put it "practicing detachment". I want to rise up against this demon and fight it with all that is in me. I just don't know how. It is worse than cancer in my opinion.

I try to distract myself and self-soothe, and that helps some, but whenever my thoughts drift back to my AS, the panic sets in. My daughter put it well - she said she's already started to mourn him. :-(

But God is still in control - so this night, I make a conscious decision to hand my dear AS over and into the loving arms of God Almighty who loves him 10,000 X more than I ever could. And once I've done that, REALLY DONE THAT, I have peace. I know that even if he does OD and die, that he will be in the presence of pure love and his suffering will have finally come to an end.

So that's how I keep going. Wish I could offer you more. And I'm so sorry for your heartbreak. (((((((((hug)))))))))) from one momma to another.

JenK2

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and insight. I do go to al anon and just spoke with my sponsor. It does help. But it will take a long time for the terrifying vice grip around my heart to ease... It is such a pervasive blanket of grief...

Pondlady

Jen,
Perhaps you would benefit from some personal counseling for yourself. I felt terrible anxiety over a problem with my daughter , some years ago. After some good counseling , and anti depressants, I was able to realize I was living life " on the ropes". I finally spoke with my daughter, told her how much I loved her, but that I could not control what she did, and that I had to care for myself...or give up on my life too.

It isn't easy....but unless you wish to give up, you have to care for yourself and remember you can only control your behavior. Hugs.

PerhapsLove

Jen, my daughter is addicted to alcohol, heroin and cocaine. She has been to rehab twice and detox numerous times. I'm so sorry for you and I know how you feel. I have not yet been able to detach, although I'm pretty close now. I keep hoping that if she can just get to "the other side" she will value her life and gifts again and just be okay. I agree with the others that you should get him help if his life is in danger, but I am also starting to understand that my involvement in my daughter's life may be keeping her from getting better. It sounds like you have already arrived at that acceptance. The thing I now tell myself is to "get out of God's way and let Him work his plan." It has helped me immensely the past few days. Good luck and keep posting. It helps you and the rest of us.

crazybabie

Jen, one thing I find helpful is each night when I go to bed I pray to my HP which in my case is God and I place each of my children starting with the oldest and working to the baby I have 3 in Gods loving hands and ask for him to hold then in his loving hands and his will be done, then I place my husband and then codie me places myself last. I feel peaceful after and can sleep.

Maybe this could help someone else.

peaceandgrace

My heart is with you. I understand the anxiety and dread, the broken heart, the utter hopelessness.

This may seem bleak and dark, but I have walked into the dark abyss of imagining my son's death. In many ways, dealing with the unknown of what the next phone call may bring or going through the long long stretches of no contact by him, seemed more difficult than coming to a peace that if he died he would be out of the pain that led him to drugs.

Our addicted loved ones must live in constant torment. My AS says he does even though he denies he is an addict. The world is overwhelming for him. My heart aches for his sensitivity while I do not condone the selfishness and self-centeredness of his addiction.

So, I have come to a peace after 13 years of hurting, crying, going on anti-depressants, and total codependency. My codependency was so bad that I literally took on his moods and his crises as my own. If he was fine, I was fine. If he was a mess, I was a mess. In hindsight, that is so sad.

I pray that my son will be in peace some day. And, I have come to a spiritual belief that if he dies, he will be in eternal peace.

My prayers are with you. I have walked in your shoes.

with compassion,

Peaceandgrace