Addict or not an addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 25
Addict or not an addict
that is the question.
Hi all! I am a long time lurker, first time poster. So here's my story.
I use prescription opiates recreationally, dotted with a slew of other drugs over that baseline. The first time was 5 years ago, on and off since then though. For a while I have wondered if my use is or is not problematic. Part of me reminds myself that I could list a good number of things I've done that I regret because of my use. I could make another list of things I've given up. A good number of times I have prevented myself from doing things (even things I'd love) because I was too afraid to tackle it without the help of a substance, any substance. On the contrary, I'm feel like I'm still pretty damn functional even with my use. Sometimes I'd even argue that I am *more* functional because of my use. It helps my anxiety, my social awkwardness, kills my internal constant critic, among other things. And, I have to admit that it is my tendency to blow things out of proportion in my life so I can feel like "I have it hard." Why would this be immune? And isn't withdrawal the hallmark of addiction? Most of the time I switch what drug I'm consuming or take a break just long enough to avoid dependency (though I have been caught up a few times). Isn't the fact that my drug use is "on and off" (up to a couple month long breaks off of *everything*) proof that I'm not an addict? Wouldn't I not be able to take those breaks if I was addicted? And, if I'm not an addict, why stop? I feel like half of me wants to stop regardless of whether I'm an addict or not, while the other part of me is saying if it ain't broke, don't fix it!
I lately went on a campaign to tell the people closest to me about my use (I was operating on the crooked belief that the difference between a recreational user and an addict was whether the use was secret or not) and haven't found much in the way of help. Most agree that I'm overreacting, and that I'm just experimenting and this phase will end soon. Oddly, hearing what I obviously say to myself from other people's mouths makes me want to go off on them! Whenever *they say I'm 'overreacting,' it just feels like they are trying to invalidate my experiences. On the other hand, it's hard for me to believe the one friend who does agree that my use is problematic as she herself is a bit of a drinker and has all the same habits I do surrounding use, but it seems she thinks she's better than me because of her DOC. Not to mention my best friend (whose opinion matters the most to me, understandably) doesn't want to believe I use anything at all, even if for fun, and glosses over the subject entirely every time I try and bring it up with her. So I guess I'm here for another opinion.
Thanks for listening.
Hi all! I am a long time lurker, first time poster. So here's my story.
I use prescription opiates recreationally, dotted with a slew of other drugs over that baseline. The first time was 5 years ago, on and off since then though. For a while I have wondered if my use is or is not problematic. Part of me reminds myself that I could list a good number of things I've done that I regret because of my use. I could make another list of things I've given up. A good number of times I have prevented myself from doing things (even things I'd love) because I was too afraid to tackle it without the help of a substance, any substance. On the contrary, I'm feel like I'm still pretty damn functional even with my use. Sometimes I'd even argue that I am *more* functional because of my use. It helps my anxiety, my social awkwardness, kills my internal constant critic, among other things. And, I have to admit that it is my tendency to blow things out of proportion in my life so I can feel like "I have it hard." Why would this be immune? And isn't withdrawal the hallmark of addiction? Most of the time I switch what drug I'm consuming or take a break just long enough to avoid dependency (though I have been caught up a few times). Isn't the fact that my drug use is "on and off" (up to a couple month long breaks off of *everything*) proof that I'm not an addict? Wouldn't I not be able to take those breaks if I was addicted? And, if I'm not an addict, why stop? I feel like half of me wants to stop regardless of whether I'm an addict or not, while the other part of me is saying if it ain't broke, don't fix it!
I lately went on a campaign to tell the people closest to me about my use (I was operating on the crooked belief that the difference between a recreational user and an addict was whether the use was secret or not) and haven't found much in the way of help. Most agree that I'm overreacting, and that I'm just experimenting and this phase will end soon. Oddly, hearing what I obviously say to myself from other people's mouths makes me want to go off on them! Whenever *they say I'm 'overreacting,' it just feels like they are trying to invalidate my experiences. On the other hand, it's hard for me to believe the one friend who does agree that my use is problematic as she herself is a bit of a drinker and has all the same habits I do surrounding use, but it seems she thinks she's better than me because of her DOC. Not to mention my best friend (whose opinion matters the most to me, understandably) doesn't want to believe I use anything at all, even if for fun, and glosses over the subject entirely every time I try and bring it up with her. So I guess I'm here for another opinion.
Thanks for listening.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
It has been my experience that people that do not have a problem do not ask if they have a problem.
It is also my experience that it is unwise to evaluate another person's use. Admitting to your inner most self that there is a problem is a personal journey and one that is essiental for recovery.
Read the doctors opinion and the description of the alcoholic in the AA big book just substitute the word drugs for alcohol and if you see yourself it may answer your question
It is also my experience that it is unwise to evaluate another person's use. Admitting to your inner most self that there is a problem is a personal journey and one that is essiental for recovery.
Read the doctors opinion and the description of the alcoholic in the AA big book just substitute the word drugs for alcohol and if you see yourself it may answer your question
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by Udntknowme 
Sometimes I'd even argue that I am *more* functional because of my use. It helps my anxiety, my social awkwardness, kills my internal constant critic, among other things.
My use of pills was very much part of my alcoholism and was directly responsible for my "bottom".
If what you say is true, about anxiety, social and otherwise, go see a physician, preferably one who is comfortable in mental health. See if there are less addictive and, um, legal, treatments available and... bring this all into the light.
Thing is, with me, those things about making me more "functional", well, that was only part of the story. I certainly enjoyed the effects that these pills had that had nothing to do with being functional or not....I also recall the couple of years before my addiction became full blown that I went weeks and months without the pills.
I think it is good that you have come to ask these questions.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi and Welcome,
It really is up to you to decide whether or not the drugs are a problem in your life. I don't think it's helpful to ask people around you for their opinions. People who are not addicts don't usually understand addiction, which is why you need to determine yourself whether or not you want to stop using drugs.
It really is up to you to decide whether or not the drugs are a problem in your life. I don't think it's helpful to ask people around you for their opinions. People who are not addicts don't usually understand addiction, which is why you need to determine yourself whether or not you want to stop using drugs.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Udntknowme 
While I totally understand the questions you're asking yourself, I wonder if it is really necessary to identify yourself as an addict in order to make any changes. It seems like you believe that if you are an addict then you will need to quit, whereas if you're not addicted and are in control of your drug use then there is no need. But I would question whether anyone is really in control of their drug or alcohol use... especially if it is something we do to cope better or function. If you feel like you need it, isn't that the hallmark of addiction.
I had all these crazy questions running round my head about alcohol. I think if you have to ask you already know the answer. For me, all that constant questioning was just a way of trying to validate keeping alcohol in my life. If you have to jump through loads of hoops to justify it being there maybe it would be less effort to do without it entirely.
Glad you're here and posting x
While I totally understand the questions you're asking yourself, I wonder if it is really necessary to identify yourself as an addict in order to make any changes. It seems like you believe that if you are an addict then you will need to quit, whereas if you're not addicted and are in control of your drug use then there is no need. But I would question whether anyone is really in control of their drug or alcohol use... especially if it is something we do to cope better or function. If you feel like you need it, isn't that the hallmark of addiction.
I had all these crazy questions running round my head about alcohol. I think if you have to ask you already know the answer. For me, all that constant questioning was just a way of trying to validate keeping alcohol in my life. If you have to jump through loads of hoops to justify it being there maybe it would be less effort to do without it entirely.
Glad you're here and posting
x
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi Udntknowme,
I agree with the others who say defining yourself as an addict or not is the important thing here. If you think you might have a problem that needs to be addressed, then that's the part that could use some exploration.
I can relate to a lot of what you said about getting some utility out of chemicals. Makes sense to me. What jumps out at me in your post is when you speak about one part of you wanting to quit and the other part not. In your lurking, have you read any of the secular discussion or Google'd AVRT? From my point of view, it makes sense out of what your two "parts" are feeling.
Glad you have started posting and I wish you the best with whatever conclusions come out of this exploration.
I agree with the others who say defining yourself as an addict or not is the important thing here. If you think you might have a problem that needs to be addressed, then that's the part that could use some exploration.
I can relate to a lot of what you said about getting some utility out of chemicals. Makes sense to me. What jumps out at me in your post is when you speak about one part of you wanting to quit and the other part not. In your lurking, have you read any of the secular discussion or Google'd AVRT? From my point of view, it makes sense out of what your two "parts" are feeling.
Glad you have started posting and I wish you the best with whatever conclusions come out of this exploration.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I agree with the others that say that you don't have to be an addict for your drug use to be problematic. You don't have to wait until you are addicted to quit. Wait that long and you might not succeed.
I do want to point out though that you "think" like a addict when you justify the use of drugs. First off, there is no such thing as recreational drug use. Needlepoint is a recreation. Opiate use...well, that's drug abuse.
And you aren't more functional when you are high.That's a lie. Not to sound too much like a junior high anti-drug poster, but drugs lie. Drugs are doing something for you that you view as positive. I understand that. I used for a decade. This can change rapidly. Then your consumption turns into the hell you can read about on the substance abuse board.
I do want to point out though that you "think" like a addict when you justify the use of drugs. First off, there is no such thing as recreational drug use. Needlepoint is a recreation. Opiate use...well, that's drug abuse.
And you aren't more functional when you are high.That's a lie. Not to sound too much like a junior high anti-drug poster, but drugs lie. Drugs are doing something for you that you view as positive. I understand that. I used for a decade. This can change rapidly. Then your consumption turns into the hell you can read about on the substance abuse board.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 25
Thanks all for responding. I suppose it is true that if I am uncomfortable with my usage than that is what it paramount, not the opinions of others. But if I were to give it up I wonder how it is I could handle life. I have gone to a GP and a therapist (admittedly neither of them are aware of the drug use puzzle piece) for the undercurrent of issues I have and haven't found much relief (not to mention it's hard to tell myself to keep trying when I feel like I already know what "works"!), and I feel like at the end of the day there's so many things in my life that I never would have accomplished without them, although you say this is an illusion.
I guess it's just something I have to mull over a bit more.
I guess it's just something I have to mull over a bit more.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
Posts: 1,462
I struggle with the same question! My problem is alcohol and I am what us considered a functional drinker...if there is such a thing! Have you talked to any family members or are they not helpful?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I went to a GP, a counsellor, even an addiction specialist but I didn't get the right advice til I came here and also when I went to AA. I just knew I was with people who instinctively 'got it'.
Regarding handling life... for me I know that alcohol was definitely not helping me do that. It was an avoidance strategy. It is why it is hard to give up, less that I can't drink and more that I have to face life. Alcohol sure made it easier to do stuff sometimes because I was drunk and cared less about the consequences. But it didn't teach me social skills or how to handle anxiety. I avoided those feelings. There is something wonderful and life affirming actually facing up to things sober, or clean or whatever. It's all the same thing.
I hope you consider it as an option. I second looking at AVRT for your ambivalence about quitting. It may help you.
Regarding handling life... for me I know that alcohol was definitely not helping me do that. It was an avoidance strategy. It is why it is hard to give up, less that I can't drink and more that I have to face life. Alcohol sure made it easier to do stuff sometimes because I was drunk and cared less about the consequences. But it didn't teach me social skills or how to handle anxiety. I avoided those feelings. There is something wonderful and life affirming actually facing up to things sober, or clean or whatever. It's all the same thing.
I hope you consider it as an option. I second looking at AVRT for your ambivalence about quitting. It may help you.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Udntknowme
Thanks all for responding. I suppose it is true that if I am uncomfortable with my usage than that is what it paramount, not the opinions of others. But if I were to give it up I wonder how it is I could handle life. I have gone to a GP and a therapist (admittedly neither of them are aware of the drug use puzzle piece) for the undercurrent of issues I have and haven't found much relief (not to mention it's hard to tell myself to keep trying when I feel like I already know what "works"!), and I feel like at the end of the day there's so many things in my life that I never would have accomplished without them, although you say this is an illusion.
I guess it's just something I have to mull over a bit more.
I guess it's just something I have to mull over a bit more.
Most importantly addiction is progressive. It only gets worse never ever better. So even if your life is semi-manageable today wait a few years and you will really have a problem. We all can get off this carnival ride anytime we want to. Unfortunately it takes horrible consequences before many of are willing to make the necessary changes and some never get a chance because they died of the disease.
I know I had to be on the verge of death before the light came on for me and I would not wish my life on anyone.
There is another way if you want it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
Originally Posted by lilgolden73
I struggle with the same question! My problem is alcohol and I am what us considered a functional drinker...if there is such a thing! Have you talked to any family members or are they not helpful?
For me that didn't mean I didn't have a problem. Because I certainly did.
I agree with everyone. People who don't think they have a problem don't usually ask others (multiple others!) their opinion on their drug/alcohol use. But then again, you aren't everyone and everyone isn't you.
Good luck sorting things out to both of you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 25
I don't really have any family members I can talk to. The only conceivable one would be my mother, but as my father relatively recently passed away I really don't want to burden her. Also I'm sure to divulge something so personal would be unprecedented in our relationship!
I know hiding my use is a big redflag (hence the "tell everybody campaign" I mentioned in my first post). But I tell myself that since my drug use could lead to very, very bad legal consequences it's OK that I'm a bit mum about it.
And to say it helps me handle my life... perhaps that wasn't the best way to put it. It is an escape. It is a way to dull experiences, but something is telling me that I have to do that or I will combust.
Thanks again everyone for your replies!
I know hiding my use is a big redflag (hence the "tell everybody campaign" I mentioned in my first post). But I tell myself that since my drug use could lead to very, very bad legal consequences it's OK that I'm a bit mum about it.
And to say it helps me handle my life... perhaps that wasn't the best way to put it. It is an escape. It is a way to dull experiences, but something is telling me that I have to do that or I will combust.
Thanks again everyone for your replies!
Been there, done that!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 539
If you feel you need to find a website like this and write a long thread and ask total strangers who don't know anything about your usage whether your an addict means that you must have an issue, I mean normal people just don't do that.!!!
You already know the answer to them questions because you are the only person who can answer them. i don't mean to be harsh but denial is killing you slowly, addiction is progressive an is deadly. Seek the help you need and nip it in the bud and believe me you will be better in every way!!
As for functioning alcololics I run 2 highly successful companies and made more money drunk than most of my sober friends put together and believe me i was a Hopeless alcoholic!!!
You already know the answer to them questions because you are the only person who can answer them. i don't mean to be harsh but denial is killing you slowly, addiction is progressive an is deadly. Seek the help you need and nip it in the bud and believe me you will be better in every way!!
As for functioning alcololics I run 2 highly successful companies and made more money drunk than most of my sober friends put together and believe me i was a Hopeless alcoholic!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
What about AA/NA?
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Sounds to me like you already know the answer Udntknowme.
My experience is that using drugs to get high; any drugs, including alcohol; will eat away at EVERY aspect of your life, little by little. They won't stop... ever. That's up to you.
My experience is that using drugs to get high; any drugs, including alcohol; will eat away at EVERY aspect of your life, little by little. They won't stop... ever. That's up to you.
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