rsk

I had just posted how I can see so much more about my life and my recovering addicts life. I was just informed that he is now engaged...my heart feels like it is being ripped out of me. I was doing well...

I am so mad at myself. I can't belive that I have given someone this much power to hurt me so much. I know that maybe I wasn't good enough in his eyes but how could you deny that you were seeing anyone two weeks ago and now be engaged!!!!!

I feel like I am so deperate. I just want it all to go away. I don't think life is perfect but how much pain can one person take. Why do I have to hurt so much.

outtolunch

This is the same guy who once texted you to tell you he was a no good person? If so, believe him.

Pity his fiance and do a happy dance that you are no longer involved with this "no good person". Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

rsk

how in the world does someone fall in love and get engaged like that? no one in his family even knew about. I don't have control over him but my GOD does it hurt. I feel like all the progress i made is gone.

EnglishGarden

It's late and you are in pain, rsk, and I am so sorry for this hard time in your life. I wish I had the words to help you in your shock and your hurt, but I know how words do not help us much when we are shattered.

He has done three rehab stints in the past 18 months, he is a DRUG ADDICT. a DRUG ADDICT. a DRUG ADDICT will NEVER act from a place of integrity in relationship. Never. He ALWAYS uses people to his own selfish ends and then if they do not provide his self-serving agenda, he THROWS THEM OUT. He makes himself look good when he does, too, because he always says he's doing it for this or that rational reason. But he isn't. He's lying. He gets rid of anyone he can't control, anyone healthy, anyone mature, anyone with personal boundaries.

rsk, You are a person of integrity, truth, and deep moral values. You have no place within you for betrayal. You are a decent young woman and your vision for life is a vision of beauty and meaning. You want your life to mean something.

The addict in him knows this. He knows that with you, drugs will NEVER be all right. You will NEVER put up with it. You will not have a child with a DRUG ADDICT. You will not tolerate drugs in your HOME or around your loved ones. He knows this about you.

You are not useful to him. You will not tolerate what he loves most in the world: Using. Checking out. Getting loaded. Scoring. AS A LIFESTYLE.

He is not a recovering addict. He has had brief stints of clean time in the past months and he goes right back out, and that is his pattern.

If he is engaged, it is because he came across someone sick enough to tolerate his drug life. Someone who is in some way useful to him. Money. Shelter. Drugs. Believe it.

I know you are devastated, but when the tears have dried after awhile, find your backbone again and tell yourself that you will never trade your soul, not for a minute, to any DRUG ADDICT in your life making you miserable, afraid, and utterly without any self-worth at all. Tell yourself you will not pay that price for any man.

His train wreck is just around the bend, rsk. Thank God you are not a passenger.

I hope you have a friend who will come and sit with you. Call that person. You need someone there.

God bless you. You will come through this and you will be stronger for it.

kindness2012

oh god, im so sorry. horrible behaviour. alien. impossible to comprehend. hugs to you

dollydo

I am sorry, but he really did you a Big favor. He is a must miss.

Pamper yourself, go out with your friends, grieve then move forward with you life, he has
nothing to offer a women but heartache.

I agree with English:
"rsk, You are a person of integrity, truth, and deep moral values. You have no place within you for betrayal. You are a decent young woman and your vision for life is a vision of beauty and meaning. You want your life to mean something. "

Supersarah

It's awful! My XAH did something similar, called me 6 weeks after we broke up to say he had a new gf, that he met her... You guessed it... 6 weeks beforehand or just when we broke up. Yeah right. Not just that but that he was meeting her family, wanted her to meet our kids and his family. This straight after ending our 19 yr relationship. Wtf??
The hurt gets less over time, this I can tell you but still hasn't gone away for me. It helps me to remember it's not about me, it's about drugs; it's about helping him to stop feeling like such a a$$hole. It's about the high of being in a relationship which helps them to avoid dealing with themselves and their problems. It's about them, not you.
It really flipping well hurts. Hugs to you, I know what it's like. XxS

LoveMeNow

I am sorry for your pain Rsk.

Many years ago, I broke up with my "soul mate" to punish him, thinking he would beg me back. I found out a few weeks later that he had a real sexy, "hot" new gf. Of course, the description for women was very different. She was a stripper with 2 kids, I was shocked and crushed.

He moved her in and she was using MY house keys. Within 5 months, that relationship crashed and burned like you couldn't believe. .

I found out she had him falsely arrested for DV (He was never violent) and she and her kids got to stay in his home, while he paid the mortgage and lived with a friend.

After he finally got her out, he was at work and she pulled a moving van up to the house and stole EVERYTHING - right down to the roll you put tp on. He came home to a completely empty house.

I knew it would end badly and couldn't wait for it. But by the time all this happened, I no longer care. (Although I did laugh a little at the "Risky Business" of it all.)

That girl is not getting the man you fell in love with, she is getting the man you left, the man who sold his soul for drugs. Nothing good will come of that relationship. Try not to think they are having this honeymoon relationship. It's just simply not true!!

You deserve so much better and someday when you are ready, you will have that!

rsk

I don't know what I would do without this site.

I haven't slept I feel like I'm going to vomit. This girl and yes I mean girl not woman is a stripper also and just looks very disturbing. I'm not trying to put her down, it just makes me feel like the lowest thing in the world to be left for that. I know that he no longer is the person that I fell in love with but the rage is unvelibeable. How is it that he always gets away with it all. I just feel like I'm trying to stand back up but keep getting kicked down.

I can't control any of it. I can't even get human decency from him. This is so f'd up on so many levels it's unvelibeable. He is so sick and I can't take it anymore. I wish everyone would pretend like we never had our relationship, obviously I never meant anything to him.

interrupted

Thanks just wasn't enough.

The man you loved is gone. He's not with her, he simply doesn't exist.

FindingErica

My AH may or may not have someone, or he will definitely get someone down the line. Yea, I'll probably feel whatever I end up feeling when it happens. But seriously whomever gets him gets his host of issues.

broken101

Rsk, remember that he is an addict, he is NOT the same man you fell in love with as the others say. Have you ever taught about it in this way….the reason he is now engaged to someone other than you is because she allows him to be an addict..She condones his lifestyle of using, you don’t. My ex told me that if he ever started using again I will NEVER see or hear from him again and this reason for this is addicts ends up withdrawing from the ones the REALLY LOVE to restrain himself from causing future harm and unhappiness. I know it may sound crazy but I think its true. My ex didn’t see or speak to any of his family or friends for almost 3 years after he started feeling sorry for himself and got off he came back and was doing well until the cycle started all over again.

standstrongup12

I've been there, jealous of other women who got to be with my addict husband, and didn't seem to have any of the drama we always had. His mother used to tell him I was no good because he was always unhappy with me. I used to think maybe if I cleaned more, did my hair more, wore make up but then as I recovered I began to see it was because I had a zero tolerance policy for drugs, for drama, for enabling, for manipulation. These other women did drugs with him or let him do drugs in their homes with their children right there! I remember stupidly writing to one woman begging her to think of her two little girls and found out he was doing heroin with his dealer and coming home high. He decided to take her car for a joyride and destroyed it. I used to be jealous of those women -- as long as they let him be super controlling and enable him, they got to play house for 2 months before his addiction got too out of control and they had to move on. I was the only one who would not accept lowering my standards to be with an addict. It sucks, the feelings, I know, truly sucks. We are fed all kinds of romantic stuff about integrity and people rising to meet the other but sometimes, most of the time, people settle. My heart goes out to you and I hope you see love when you look at yourself in the mirror. You are worth way more than being engaged to someone who doesnt value your life and sanctity.

rsk

I know what everyone is saying is the truth/reality of the matter but I will never forgive him. I am glad I don't have to deal with him. I saw a picture and he looks like a stranger...mannerism,facial expressions, and the look in his eyes. I will say even if he's getting high, I don't feel bad for either one of them. I'm over the whole feeling bad for the addict that stabs people in their hearts. I'm sorry everyone I'm just furious.

crazybabie

(((((Rsk)))) Truth be known the engaged thing is probably part of his sweet talk and there may very well never be a wedding but honestly once you heal you will be happier.

interrupted

I know it's too difficult in the moment, and too difficult when we are part of the madness, but with time and distance I actually feel sorry for the girls that come after. They are damaged, too, if they allow themselves to be treated so poorly. I sometimes wonder what hell they have seen to believe themselves to be of such little worth. I get sad thinking about it, and how close I was to not escaping that same self-loathing.

I'm glad you're brave enough to demand a better future for yourself.

Vale

rsk,
It's hard---we know it--we empathize. It's like running to catch a plane,cut every corner,
run through the terminal, yelling "wait,wait!...this is the flight of my life---please for the
love of God hold the plane!"

But you get to the gate,plane is already on it's way.You feel positively
AWFUL.What could feel worse than this?

Then you find out the plane never made it.It went down (fast) in mountainous
terrain.Probability of survival....zero. This lady who 'bested' you and won 'the prize'
(him).......she's ON that jet.

Pray for her if it makes you feel better.But it won't change the outcome.

That's addiction.Pure and simple.

She can tighten her seatbelt if it makes her feel better-

---but at 600 knots--- it simply won't matter.

LoveMeNow

I just love you Vale!! Another great Valism!! (my new word for your analogies, lol)

crazybabie

Lol, nice name and I agree vale's post I always love.

EJG123

rsk-The beauty of being furious and venting is that you'll feel better after you get it out there. Here's to feeling better tomorrow.