story74

Went to my sons parent meeting, and his teacher talked about surrounding your child with goodness. The world is good. I was sitting there wanting to believe it. In fact, I do believe it, but at that moment had just found out I over drafted my bank account and had no gas. My xah wouldn't tell me when he would pay the state mandated child support, and ignored me when I asked him about it. I was pissed. I was stressed out. I had to go to my parents yet again for money. I was mad at myself. And now, we had to go around the room and tell everyone something good...whether a memory or something we do. Once we started going around, I relaxed. I felt better. I felt safe. Sort of. One woman said the sunset always makes everything go away. One, the smell of bread baking, one christmas. Me, watching my son play. It felt good. I felt nourished.

So, I am at this weird point. I'm very close to fully letting go, but I don't know how to forgive. If my xah would just show respect to me and act responsible towards me, I really think I could move on. But he hasn't changed. I'm coming out of the shock of it all, and seeing the truth. I'm angry that he can sit there and show my son how to play ball, but is in no way responsible financially...or emotionally. He is basically MIA until his 2 hrs of supervised vitits happen...if they happen. He is still living with his coke ***** and still hanging with his coke buddy. Nothing has changed. He disappeared for 2.5 months, and comes back like he is dad of the year. I am financially stressed. I will get thru it. I am raising our son by myself. I am thankful for this. But, I am pissed. He is in no way being or have been responsible, and I will not accept this. If it weren't for my son, I would never speak to this man. But, I have a son involved. It is so complicated. I want to teach my son forgiveness. But I don't trust or respect this man. I don't feel like I am letting the anger eat away at me. Lately, I have been really angry with him bc I'm struggling financially. And he ignores me when I ask him when he will pay child support? But I'm suppose to do whatever he asks. He doesn't play fair. Once I get my finances in order, I will probably be lessed pissed at him. I'm accepting what has happened and slowly moving on. I'm trying to figure out how to have him in my life without even knowing he is there. This has been asked many times, but what is forgiveness? I can't forgive someone who isn't trying. Yet, I don't want to be angry with them anymore either. Accepting that this is who they are, and having no expectations? I don't want to look at this man. I don't want to converse with this man. And this is my sons father. I think I'm more angry than I know. How do I let it go? Is letting go of the anger forgiveness?

Ann

If this support is court ordered could you have them go after him? At the same time, perhaps you could get restrictions on his visitation until he catches up...not to punish him but because his inability to be consistant with your child will eventually take an emotional toll on him. The mother of my son's boy had to stop all visitation because their son was emotionally upset each time his daddy didn't show.

If you can't go after this, maybe just plan on finding a way to take care of yourself without his support. I don't say that to let him off the hook but most active addicts are not responsible and don't take care of paying support...so it's best not to count on it.

I have such admiration for you single moms who carry such a big burden. You have my prayers every day.

Hugs

LoveMeNow

Matthew 6:14 helps me!

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
(I need all the forgiveness I can get, )

story74

Thank you! It is court ordered and they do come after him. I think he doesn't answer my questions about it to get back at me. He is mad at me for everything. As far as taking visitation away, I can't just bc of financial. But, if he keeps being inconsistent I will have it taken away. He is heading in that direction. I have talked to my lawyer, and we have a plan. I'm moving slow. My son loves his father and the random visitations. So, I don't want to take that away unless I have to. I'm ok with the random visits until my son isn't. I am a very strong mama bear. My son and his well being is number 1.

Addiction is just so strange. My x and I do not communicate. We do not talk. He ses his son for 2 hours and that is it. He has no idea about how he is doing in school, or his needs. He doesn't ask. So, when I see him on visitation being normal and playing with my son, I forget he is a drug addict and get pissed at him like he is a capable adult. But he isn't. He is an addict who I cannot count on for anything. I am hoping to get my finances in order by january. I can't count on him. And honestly, he could die or go to jail any minute.

I think the more I don't count on him, the less angry, and the more I can let go and forgive?

Addicts = mess
Just a complicated mess.