Mel1234

Where to start? I'm 38 & I've known I've had a problem for years. Prob since I was teen. I've always drank to excess, with freq black outs. I stopped drinking in my early 20's but at 30 I developed a rare disease that causes chronic pain. I started drinking again around same time. At that time I didn't drink everyday but when I did (half of week) I did til I puked or blacked out. This reckless behavior caused me to be distant from my children & an affaire on my husband. I also was using rx pain meds.
About two years ago I was terminated from my pain doctor because of drinking . I was warned a few times & knew was could happen. I started drinking every night then. Never drank during day so I kept telling myself that since I didn't drink during day I didn't have a problem. Most mornings I couldn't remember what all happened.
I found out about a year ago that I have liver damage. I was told not to drink or it could get worse & need a liver transplant. I still continued to drink. My symptoms are getting worse.
I use my pain as an excuse & because my husband doesn't liked to see me hurting he doesn't say anything. He is my enabler. He doesn't know or won't admit I have a problem. Mostly because I don't tell him about my blackouts & everything else. He drinks with me most nights. I drink as much or more & he has 200 lbs on me. I don't know how to tell him.
My best friend & her husband (also our next door neighbors) drink a lot too. I feel like every time I say ( to myself) I'm quiting or cutting back I am tempted. I lost all of my other friends when I got sick, so I'm afraid of losing her.
I do feel a little better now that I beared my soul. I feel better that I'm now honest with myself. I just don't know what to do now.

Thanks-Mel

silly

Sounds like you're at a turning point, Mel. You can check out detox options, rehab, AA, counseling, SMART, AVRT. I can't imagine the doctors/hospital won't help you find something ASAP given your situation. But nothing will change unless you're willing to change. I hope that your friend will understand that she WILL lose you if you don't change. So she's got options, too. Support you through your recovery process or support you through your impending liver failure.

SarahE

Hi mel,
It seems like you know exactly what you need to do but are maybe not ready to admit it yet? Has your doctor referred you for any type of alcohol treatment or counselling due to your illness? It seems to me, and obviously i'm just guessing, that maybe you don't have anyone to talk to/ any outlet or support and finding someone you can tqlk to honestly might be a good start on the road to recovery.
Good luck, I hope you find what you need here

Black

Hi Mel, I am starting this journey today, I understand everything you have said because I live pretty much like that myself drinking 4 nights a week and before to long it would be 7 nights. We are here now because we are looking for help and trying to get sober, together we can all do this and have a happier life.
Best Wishes.

Ozarkcowboy

Mel,
I have worked as a critcal care nurse for 16 years and have watched many patients suffer/die with liver dsease.Not a good thing.I have also seen some of those patients recover and lead new lives,you have to do this,you can do this.
Please keep us posted.

My prayers are with you.

OC

Sparkelina

Just wanted to say hi & welcome you. We have a lot in common, Mel!! I'm new here too.

I too, have a rare disease & chronic severe pain. Alcohol has been my "medicine".

My husband also enables me in the same way (you made me realize that just now).

Glad you found SR - let's do this!

- sparky

Mel1234

Thank you for your support! I know what I need to do but just afraid & anxious. My doctors think I've quit drinking. The last two liver blood test, I would not drink the night or two before and the results would show a slight improvement. I know looking back on it I have gone to great lengths to hide my secret. One thing I'm afraid of is if I go to treatment then I will not ever be able to get pain relief. But even with that fear I know I must change. I need to start with telling my husband.
I need to find my faith again!

-Mel

silly

I've done the same thing, Mel. Quit drinking for a few days before a blood test and suddenly the levels aren't that bad. Nobody is fooled. The levels should be much better.
I agree. Start with your husband. Tell him you're drinking. But first, I think I'd decide what, exactly, I want to do (detox then treatment then aftercare, etc) before talking to him. That way he's less likely to see this as an open ended death sentence for you.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Mel

I am sure you will find lots of ideas and support here. From what you say it sounds like you gave up drinking for a decade before..? What helped you then? x

Release1992

Hi Mel....

I am new here also and have found this a great comfort just reading and seeing that my situation is one shared by many..
I am not the drinker, but I am or should I say was the enabler to my husband.
He too has a liver disease and also a heart condition. I thought the liver diagnosis would make him stop but it didn't. I though the 3-4 trips to the ER for alcohol related issues would make him stop. Not even the heart work up and telling him he has major blockages in his heart has made him stop.
I used to find myself saying that if I buy him a 6 pack and watch him at home drinking it, then it would not be as bad. Needless to say before I had got home, he was already a 6 pack up. I then took to buying him Sharp's non alcoholic beer because he missed the taste of a nice cold one. Well that worked for a few weeks until the point that he began to drink enough Sharp's to get a buzz.....
He has disappeared over night and "slept in the car". He has gone to work smelling of alcohol and doesn't think anyone will notice.
I have tried all the empty threats that I guess I thought would work to "fix him". I have learned I cannot fix him, because unless he realizes he's broken nothing else will ever make him change.
We have been married 20+ years and I can remember so many events or things that alcohol has ruined.
I told him 2 weeks ago that I was prepared to move out and stop enabling him that day. I told him at this stage in my life, I want to enjoy life and not have to be worried every time he's home alone, if he is drinking. I don't think at first he believed me, but when I showed him the apartment application, I guess he believed me then.
He has been to one AA meeting which for him was a gigantic step. I am praying that he will attend another this week when he is off, but I am not putting faith in that yet.

Mel, you can do this. Start with telling yourself and then your husband
Doctors have many ways to treat chronic pain so don't let that scare you.
Your new life begins NOW.