Have I slipped back to the old behavior?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: MONTICELLO, MINNESOTA
Posts: 14
Have I slipped back to the old behavior?
I am ACOA and feel as if I have lost site of myself once again. My life once again has become unmanageable. Once again I am faced with admitting that my behavior is being controlled by my AH. There I said it, and have admitted that my husband is an alcoholic. Have gone 30 plus years trying to convince myself that he really doesn't have a problem.
When we think we are well educated in all the behaviors I think we are shocked when our lives are still affected on a daily bases. I am not sure if that is a statement or a question
After working so hard over the years to help myself so that my children would not be raised in the same behavior I was I denied to myself that they were still being raised by husband with the same behavior. I am angry about that! Mostly since my son died trying to get help for his addiction.
I feel so consumed again with doing the right thing. I really do know that I have no control over anyone but myself. Why is it so hard not to place blame on yourself & let go of the quilt & the anger! So wanted to believe I was ok and could handle what life may bring.
When we think we are well educated in all the behaviors I think we are shocked when our lives are still affected on a daily bases. I am not sure if that is a statement or a question
After working so hard over the years to help myself so that my children would not be raised in the same behavior I was I denied to myself that they were still being raised by husband with the same behavior. I am angry about that! Mostly since my son died trying to get help for his addiction.
I feel so consumed again with doing the right thing. I really do know that I have no control over anyone but myself. Why is it so hard not to place blame on yourself & let go of the quilt & the anger! So wanted to believe I was ok and could handle what life may bring.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 179
:codiepolice
Sounds like you have a lot to be be angry about. It's okay to feel it. Don't feel guilty about the past and things you can't control. It seems to me that growing up in an A household, pretty much every emotion I felt eventually turned around to shame. Try to break that pattern. You feel what you feel and that's okay.
It sounds like you intellectually know what to do.
Sounds like you have a lot to be be angry about. It's okay to feel it. Don't feel guilty about the past and things you can't control. It seems to me that growing up in an A household, pretty much every emotion I felt eventually turned around to shame. Try to break that pattern. You feel what you feel and that's okay.
It sounds like you intellectually know what to do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: MONTICELLO, MINNESOTA
Posts: 14
I am better today and I know it is time to get back the healthy person I was. Not sure why but I can clearly see that I went into fix it & Rescue mode. Being back here and reading a lot I will be ok. I lost myself along the way but know how to take one day at a time!
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