Day 8 and I am learning that I am very lonely person inside...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Day 8 and I am learning that I am very lonely person inside...
I never really thought of myself as lonely...I have great friends, a great boyfriend and 2 kids but without the alcohol I have never felt so lonely. I lived in a very abusive marriage for many years. Physically and mentally and as much as I love my parents my father is very hard to please and being at their home and being raised in it was very tense. I feel so sad inside and alone. Alcohol takes that loneliness away for me. Funny how I never realized this before. I am not sure how to not feel lonely..my boyfriend is trying to understand and says you have me don't be lonely. But the loneliness is so deep. I knew I had a drinking problem but didnt realize I had other issues. I am sure that sounds crazy. But I didn't. I always thought I came out of these relationships unscathed. I am feeling like the stress of going to my parents is too much to handle now. I have never felt good enough to my father...he is very successful and a perfectionist. I am not sure what to do about my relationship with my dad..is it bad for me?? I think so. I just feel lost and forgive me for rambling. I just feel like I am wondering nowhere right now...all by myself. I have had no joy yesterday or today. As much as the joy I had when drinking was a facade it masked I guess pain and loneliness I didnt really know what there. What to do now. I can't afford therapy and I want to stay sober. I would appreciate any help anyone can offer to me. Congratulations just for being here on this incredible forum. Thanks 
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Alcohol takes that loneliness away for me.
I feel that those of us that used alcohol as a way of coping with life needed to find new ways of dealing with the ups and downs.
A lot of people find working the steps of AA useful and the fellowship it offers , councelling, therapy, self-help books, spiritual books, spiritual teachers .. life ring, AVRT, CBT, meditation, excersise . There is lots to try .
The one thing that dosn't work is not trying and not changing things .
Bestwishes, M
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I spent my last couple years drinking in isolation...It doesn't get more alone than that. I found a whole new world of people exactly like me....New friends doing what I wanted to do. Amazing...And it's free. My suggestion....Check out this site and check out a few meetings....What have you got to lose?
Your First AA Meeting<
Your First AA Meeting<
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Newark, England
Posts: 62
I found the people close to me were the people I turned my back on when they tried to tell me I had a problem, I didn't want to hear it from them, I would shut myself away from my family and drink, I couldn't deal with it all until I had no choice.
I changed little things each day, as posted before I had a song that inspired my everyday to do something about it, to find the people who can help.
I chose Church and have not looked back since, I love it , the people there are so supportive and have never judged me, even when I told them my worst secrets of my last few years.
I feel I have come out of the darkness that I was living and I feel so alive now.
Keep the faith, stay strong.
Wayne
I changed little things each day, as posted before I had a song that inspired my everyday to do something about it, to find the people who can help.
I chose Church and have not looked back since, I love it , the people there are so supportive and have never judged me, even when I told them my worst secrets of my last few years.
I feel I have come out of the darkness that I was living and I feel so alive now.
Keep the faith, stay strong.
Wayne
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Scottsboro, AL.
Posts: 81
When I drank in high school I was popular. I quit when I was about 27, was married, had my first child and got deeply involved in Church. All the "popular friends" I prided myself on having while drinking did not stay in touch. They all said they were proud of me etc, etc but we did not hang out. Partly because I didn't have anything in common with them anymore. I never really made close friends at Church (came back to bite me) and didn't mind the fact that it was just me, my wife and my kids.
My wife and I went through a tough time (I drank some behind her back after she went to sleep) and we separated. We had a really good Phycologist / marriage councilor and worked things out. During our time apart we both drank fairly regular. We got back together and decided to drink together without hiding it. Our councilor advised against it because he thought I was alcoholic. I talked my wife into believing that I was not and away we went. We were happy most of the summer but my drinking and lying got worse. Currently I don't know if she will stay with me or not. I have been depressed and lonely until today. I feel much better and it is because of the fact that I now have a purpose for my life. My goal is to become a public speaker targeting young people who have not take taken their first drink or at least it has not yet gotten out of control.
I pray that it is powerful enough to inspire people to just stay away from alcohol.
To have a purpose makes me feel whole. My dad is hard to pleas as well. I am not trying to plead him anymore. I just want to live up to my potential. That makes me happy and it is all our God expects and wants from us. I have every reason to be sad and lonely. My wife may leave me, my dad barely speaks but I am happy and feel peace more today than I have in a long time.
You have potential and their is something in your life for you to accomplish that will make you feel whole and happy. I will pray that you find it and I hope you do the same. For me.... It starts with a relationship with my creator. I trust him to lead me.
Work to meet your potential in whatever you are good at in life.
I hope you feel better soon. This feeling of yours will pass.... Just take it one day at a time.
Send me a PM if I can help you...... God bless you and your efforts!
My wife and I went through a tough time (I drank some behind her back after she went to sleep) and we separated. We had a really good Phycologist / marriage councilor and worked things out. During our time apart we both drank fairly regular. We got back together and decided to drink together without hiding it. Our councilor advised against it because he thought I was alcoholic. I talked my wife into believing that I was not and away we went. We were happy most of the summer but my drinking and lying got worse. Currently I don't know if she will stay with me or not. I have been depressed and lonely until today. I feel much better and it is because of the fact that I now have a purpose for my life. My goal is to become a public speaker targeting young people who have not take taken their first drink or at least it has not yet gotten out of control.
I pray that it is powerful enough to inspire people to just stay away from alcohol.
To have a purpose makes me feel whole. My dad is hard to pleas as well. I am not trying to plead him anymore. I just want to live up to my potential. That makes me happy and it is all our God expects and wants from us. I have every reason to be sad and lonely. My wife may leave me, my dad barely speaks but I am happy and feel peace more today than I have in a long time.
You have potential and their is something in your life for you to accomplish that will make you feel whole and happy. I will pray that you find it and I hope you do the same. For me.... It starts with a relationship with my creator. I trust him to lead me.
Work to meet your potential in whatever you are good at in life.
I hope you feel better soon. This feeling of yours will pass.... Just take it one day at a time.
Send me a PM if I can help you...... God bless you and your efforts!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 227
I understand some of what you say. I also am realizing I am a very lonely person. I always used to think I liked to be alone, but not so sure anymore, and drinking was a way to escape from that.
Since you have great friends, children, and a boyfriend maybe spending time with them will help. Maybe you should do some research into depression. Just a suggestion, I am no expert, just a sufferer.
Good luck.
Since you have great friends, children, and a boyfriend maybe spending time with them will help. Maybe you should do some research into depression. Just a suggestion, I am no expert, just a sufferer.
Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
The early days of recovery are always rough - often there's a bit of grief in there, certainly a little depression, and sometimes a blunt realisation that things weren't perhaps as they seemed all those years.
It's all a lot to take in, missing - be gentle with yourself...and try not to worry - how you feel today is not how you'll feel for the rest of your life...things can and do get better
D
It's all a lot to take in, missing - be gentle with yourself...and try not to worry - how you feel today is not how you'll feel for the rest of your life...things can and do get better
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 14
Dear Missinghteoldme - My goodness we share a lot in common. I realized many years ago that I could look back all the way to high school and college where I was considered bubbly and friendly and likeable and realized in truth, I was always very lonesome and alone in reality. I never connected with people on a real level. It sounds like maybe you feel that way too. I had a ral Dad and a step-dad. My real Dad was absent and we barely had a relationship. My step-dad loved me but he grew up in anorphanage and never really learned how to show approval or be demonstrative. I wish I could offer you some serious words of wisdom but I can't I guess. Maybe the best thing for us is to stay sober instead of letting booze help us smother our truths and our pain and see what actually shows up. I know we must be wonderful loving people who are deserving, we just somehow got the wrong message as we grew up. I am going to try to nurture myself and my inner heart with reading books that address it and just trying to be good to myself and be patient to see how I feel once I am out of this huge fog. I don't know if this help in any way, I just wanted to let you know you are absolutely not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
You are right Mecanix...doing nothing and the same will not fix anything. I have to work on this...and after I drink the loneliness is even worse. Thanks for sharing your wisdom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
You are right
Originally Posted by Sapling 
I spent my last couple years drinking in isolation...It doesn't get more alone than that. I found a whole new world of people exactly like me....New friends doing what I wanted to do. Amazing...And it's free. My suggestion....Check out this site and check out a few meetings....What have you got to lose?
Your First AA Meeting<
Your First AA Meeting<
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by waynemali
I found the people close to me were the people I turned my back on when they tried to tell me I had a problem, I didn't want to hear it from them, I would shut myself away from my family and drink, I couldn't deal with it all until I had no choice.
I changed little things each day, as posted before I had a song that inspired my everyday to do something about it, to find the people who can help.
I chose Church and have not looked back since, I love it , the people there are so supportive and have never judged me, even when I told them my worst secrets of my last few years.
I feel I have come out of the darkness that I was living and I feel so alive now.
Keep the faith, stay strong.
Wayne
I changed little things each day, as posted before I had a song that inspired my everyday to do something about it, to find the people who can help.
I chose Church and have not looked back since, I love it , the people there are so supportive and have never judged me, even when I told them my worst secrets of my last few years.
I feel I have come out of the darkness that I was living and I feel so alive now.
Keep the faith, stay strong.
Wayne
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Lyingdog
When I drank in high school I was popular. I quit when I was about 27, was married, had my first child and got deeply involved in Church. All the "popular friends" I prided myself on having while drinking did not stay in touch. They all said they were proud of me etc, etc but we did not hang out. Partly because I didn't have anything in common with them anymore. I never really made close friends at Church (came back to bite me) and didn't mind the fact that it was just me, my wife and my kids.
My wife and I went through a tough time (I drank some behind her back after she went to sleep) and we separated. We had a really good Phycologist / marriage councilor and worked things out. During our time apart we both drank fairly regular. We got back together and decided to drink together without hiding it. Our councilor advised against it because he thought I was alcoholic. I talked my wife into believing that I was not and away we went. We were happy most of the summer but my drinking and lying got worse. Currently I don't know if she will stay with me or not. I have been depressed and lonely until today. I feel much better and it is because of the fact that I now have a purpose for my life. My goal is to become a public speaker targeting young people who have not take taken their first drink or at least it has not yet gotten out of control.
I pray that it is powerful enough to inspire people to just stay away from alcohol.
To have a purpose makes me feel whole. My dad is hard to pleas as well. I am not trying to plead him anymore. I just want to live up to my potential. That makes me happy and it is all our God expects and wants from us. I have every reason to be sad and lonely. My wife may leave me, my dad barely speaks but I am happy and feel peace more today than I have in a long time.
You have potential and their is something in your life for you to accomplish that will make you feel whole and happy. I will pray that you find it and I hope you do the same. For me.... It starts with a relationship with my creator. I trust him to lead me.
Work to meet your potential in whatever you are good at in life.
I hope you feel better soon. This feeling of yours will pass.... Just take it one day at a time.
Send me a PM if I can help you...... God bless you and your efforts!
My wife and I went through a tough time (I drank some behind her back after she went to sleep) and we separated. We had a really good Phycologist / marriage councilor and worked things out. During our time apart we both drank fairly regular. We got back together and decided to drink together without hiding it. Our councilor advised against it because he thought I was alcoholic. I talked my wife into believing that I was not and away we went. We were happy most of the summer but my drinking and lying got worse. Currently I don't know if she will stay with me or not. I have been depressed and lonely until today. I feel much better and it is because of the fact that I now have a purpose for my life. My goal is to become a public speaker targeting young people who have not take taken their first drink or at least it has not yet gotten out of control.
I pray that it is powerful enough to inspire people to just stay away from alcohol.
To have a purpose makes me feel whole. My dad is hard to pleas as well. I am not trying to plead him anymore. I just want to live up to my potential. That makes me happy and it is all our God expects and wants from us. I have every reason to be sad and lonely. My wife may leave me, my dad barely speaks but I am happy and feel peace more today than I have in a long time.
You have potential and their is something in your life for you to accomplish that will make you feel whole and happy. I will pray that you find it and I hope you do the same. For me.... It starts with a relationship with my creator. I trust him to lead me.
Work to meet your potential in whatever you are good at in life.
I hope you feel better soon. This feeling of yours will pass.... Just take it one day at a time.
Send me a PM if I can help you...... God bless you and your efforts!
I will take one day at a time and look forward to feeling happier. I am so happy you have found your happiness through all the heartache. I needed to read this today...thanks for taking time for me today. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Dee74
The early days of recovery are always rough - often there's a bit of grief in there, certainly a little depression, and sometimes a blunt realisation that things weren't perhaps as they seemed all those years.
It's all a lot to take in, missing - be gentle with yourself...and try not to worry - how you feel today is not how you'll feel for the rest of your life...things can and do get better
D
It's all a lot to take in, missing - be gentle with yourself...and try not to worry - how you feel today is not how you'll feel for the rest of your life...things can and do get better
D
I will take it easier on myself...thank you and look forward to the better . Appreciate your help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by misterritter
I understand some of what you say. I also am realizing I am a very lonely person. I always used to think I liked to be alone, but not so sure anymore, and drinking was a way to escape from that.
Since you have great friends, children, and a boyfriend maybe spending time with them will help. Maybe you should do some research into depression. Just a suggestion, I am no expert, just a sufferer.
Good luck.
Since you have great friends, children, and a boyfriend maybe spending time with them will help. Maybe you should do some research into depression. Just a suggestion, I am no expert, just a sufferer.
Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Welcomingthenew
Dear Missinghteoldme - My goodness we share a lot in common. I realized many years ago that I could look back all the way to high school and college where I was considered bubbly and friendly and likeable and realized in truth, I was always very lonesome and alone in reality. I never connected with people on a real level. It sounds like maybe you feel that way too. I had a ral Dad and a step-dad. My real Dad was absent and we barely had a relationship. My step-dad loved me but he grew up in anorphanage and never really learned how to show approval or be demonstrative. I wish I could offer you some serious words of wisdom but I can't I guess. Maybe the best thing for us is to stay sober instead of letting booze help us smother our truths and our pain and see what actually shows up. I know we must be wonderful loving people who are deserving, we just somehow got the wrong message as we grew up. I am going to try to nurture myself and my inner heart with reading books that address it and just trying to be good to myself and be patient to see how I feel once I am out of this huge fog. I don't know if this help in any way, I just wanted to let you know you are absolutely not alone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 14
You are so welcome Missing - You know years ago I had to face a family friend who had sexually abused me years prior. I hadn't seen him since the night it happened probably 20 years before and it was so weird. I was attending his Father's funeral. I remember refusing to make eye contact or speak to him the whole week-end that I was in town and had to be in the same room with him. But when I started to leave I just had to go up to him and say "I'm sorry about your Dad, I loved him alot". I had grown up knowing this family. Well, on the way home (a very long drive) I was in such a strange place emotionally. I turned on the radio and Elton John's song "Blessed" came on right away. I swear it was as though it was just for me at that moment, being sung directly to me. It has been a healing song for me ever since. If you don't know the song give it a listen, and put yourself in place of the child he is referring to in the song. Sorry for the long post but it needed a little explanation! :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Amazing
Originally Posted by Welcomingthenew
You are so welcome Missing - You know years ago I had to face a family friend who had sexually abused me years prior. I hadn't seen him since the night it happened probably 20 years before and it was so weird. I was attending his Father's funeral. I remember refusing to make eye contact or speak to him the whole week-end that I was in town and had to be in the same room with him. But when I started to leave I just had to go up to him and say "I'm sorry about your Dad, I loved him alot". I had grown up knowing this family. Well, on the way home (a very long drive) I was in such a strange place emotionally. I turned on the radio and Elton John's song "Blessed" came on right away. I swear it was as though it was just for me at that moment, being sung directly to me. It has been a healing song for me ever since. If you don't know the song give it a listen, and put yourself in place of the child he is referring to in the song. Sorry for the long post but it needed a little explanation! :-)
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