elihoping

30 days tomorrow. I feel awful. I manage to go to work but as soon as I've some days off or time alone, I'm incapable of doing anything. Can't get out of bed, go to a meeting, go for a walk, nothing. I know what I need to do to get well but I don't seem to be able to do anything. Does the depression pass? My therapist doesn't seem overly concerned about the depression but she's not the one living with it all week. Am driving myself absolutely frickin nuts with all the crazy thoughts in my head and I can't tell what's truth and what's the critical voice.

I'm so grateful for my job at the moment because at least I get out of my head for a short while. That's what I miss about drinking.

Weasel1966

E.... I don't feel living with depression is needed anymore. I am not the kind to want to use any pill to alter my mood. Which is funny for a drunk to feel this way. But I take an anti depression med. it's helped me quite a bit. Possibly using one for a short while while you learn new ways as a sober person might be good.

I am not a therapist. I don't know you. But when I expressed my depression to my therapist he was concerned. I am curious as to why she feels this way.

I have spent weekends in bed and not getting out to do anything. I do understand what being depressed means. It's not always easy. But glad you posted about it and shared.

I wish you all my best.

Ken

silly

are you taking any anti-depressants, e? I firmly believe they can do great good when used properly.
I know where you are. About May of this year I was so depressed I thought I might rather die than live another day or week feeling the way I was feeling. It was terrible. I could really only muster the energy for work, caring for my animals and hiding under the covers. Everyone around me seemed so alive and well and from my point of view they were ignoring me and my spiral downward...

I saw a psychiatrist right before (I believe) it was too late. I told her that I couldn't remember the last time I felt good, let alone happy or hopeful. She was wonderful. She simply said that they could help me fix that. And over the next months, they have. I'm taking several different medications now. I think some people would probably wonder about that but, I know what each is meant to do. We review my meds every two weeks, adjust where needed and then discuss the non-perscription ways to treat my depression, too.

The point with medication though is that, at least for me, there was NO WAY I could have pulled myself far enough out of that dark hole to do those non-perscription things like exercise, finding new hobbies, volunteering and just trying new things.
At some point in the future I'm sure we'll decrease my doses and cut out others all together. But for now, I'm so grateful for what medication has provided me.

bbthumper

Here is my experience. I have alcoholism. Alcohol was not my problem. Alcohol is what fixed my problems. Depressed? Drink. Anxious? Drink. Angry? Restless? Irritable? Discontent? Drink.

Take away the drink and Im still left with alcoholism and no alcohol to treat it with. For me to assume life was going to get better just because I put down booze is ridiculous. I still had untreated alcoholism. An inability to manage life sober. A mental obsession with drinking. An unnatural physical reaction to booze which just made me want more no matter how much I drank.

I needed a new solution. I had to treat my alcoholism. Putting down the drink was but a beginning. What worked for me was AA. I worked the 12 steps with a recovered alcoholic as a sponsor and I in turn have recovered from alcoholism. I am now blessed with the gift to do the same with other alcoholics. I have been given a purposeful and happy life beyond anything I could have planned. All of that is the result of a program of action.

You are in a tough spot. My heart breaks for you and I hope you find the help you need.

Best wishes to you.

RevivingOphelia

This is exactly how I feel about my job AND drinking.

Ugh. :/

Btw, I'm on Lexapro and seems to be helping with the funk a bit. I'd talk it out with your Dr.

elihoping

Thank you all so much for your responses, really, thank you.

I'm not on anti-depressants. Weasel, I'm not sure I've explained just how awful I'm feeling to my therapist. From what I can gather, she thinks I have to accept how I'm feeling at the moment. Accept everything that's happening right now totally, rather than fighting it and that will lead to action.

I feel weird asking for anti-depressants. I haven't had a regular doctor since I was a teenager. I'm 31 now. So I just fear having to walk into a brand new doctor and ask for them. I suppose I fear he'll think I'm a junkie! Lol. Also, I'm afraid of replacing alcohol with something else.

Also, this might sound bizarre but I'll try to explain it. I live in Dublin. When I lived in the US, everyone was pretty upfront about their depression, medication etc. It's not really the same here. My family doctor from when I was a teenager was always very reluctant to give out serious medication. Even recent doctors I've been to for chest infections or other illnesses are pretty reluctant to prescribe me anything. I just dread the idea of going to a doctor, explaining how awful I feel and have him/her refuse to give me anti-depressants. I would feel so ashamed.

PippoRossi

Eli - I have problems with anxiety and, occassionally, depression. For example, today I am having just one of those days. Not quite feeling 100%. Am I depressed? Perhaps a little bit, but I know this too will pass. I have been taking meds (Zoloft) for awhile now for anxiety/depression and can honestly say that I have more good days than bad ones. And you know what? It's OK to have a bad day and to feel sad. It's part of the human experience. Sure it's unpleasant, but it beats having a wicked hangover to deal with the next day simply because you didn't want to feel this emotion.

hypochondriac

I know just how you feel Eli. I think it is part of recovering though, a lot of people seem to go through a really exhausted stage. When I had blood tests at the docs though I found out I have an underactive thyroid which causes depression and tiredness. It might be worth checking for stuff like that too. See what your doc says. I have found it really hard to find my motivation but I do feel better when I do something, no matter how tired it makes me. All that head chatter did calm down for me eventually too. I hope yours does as well x

Dee74

I don't think anyone should have to live with depression eli.

And as for meds - my opinion for what it's worth...
the drugs I used to take 'recreationally' as an addict were to help me run away and hide...they diminished me.

I'm no longer on medication for depression, tho I have been...but the drugs I take now for other stuff improve my quality of life...they add to my life experience.

They don't get me high - they keep me involved

I'd see a Dr - be honest about your problems and your past - a good doctor can really help

D