MesoFreak

I am struggling to say no to alcohol once again. I feel like I am playing with the devil... there are beers in the fridge, room-mates beers. They are having a party Friday night here in the apartment. Maybe I should just lock myself in the room when I get back from school!! See, I could have a beer or two, and stop today.. the problem will be come party time when there is people that might be: shots!; to the head; drinking games; etc. Next thing you know I wake up wondering what the hell happened last night, with the feeling I did something violent, or stupid.

Why couldn't I be a normal drinker, why?! Life would be easier not having this in the back of my mind. Goddamn counseling appointment can't come in sooner! I don't think these kids know the type of drunk I can be... although they did see me when I had blood on my head, face, neck, arm.

Dee74

I faced the same problem Meso - ever increasing problems due to my drinking, ever worsening injuries and consequences...but the life I led, alcohol was all around me.

I had to make a choice.

It's not easy to change your life - there's some difficult choices to be made....but for me it was either make the changes... or keep making the same mistakes.

D

Natom

Meso,

Could you truly have a beer or two and then stop today? I think it may be advisable to completely remove yourself from the situation when your roomates are having their party. Is there anyway you could go to a friends house or just go out and do something else for the evening where you won't be surrounded by temptation.

I ask the question to myself all the time. Why couldn't I be a recreational drug user. I know plenty of people who can use and drink on the weekend and then be fine if they don't do it for several months. But for me personally, I know I'm not like that. And I know I cannot do that.

pipparina

Walk away from the beer. Those two beers will lead to nothing good. Why do you want them? Are you feeling stressed or bored?
You clearly know where this will lead, so keep the story going to the end. Waking up after a blackout with all the shame and guilt.
When do you go to counseling?

ACT10Npack

Maybe a good time to move out and find a roommate that does not drink. I don't think it's fair for your roommate to suffer with not having alcohol at his place too.

hypochondriac

The only way to get it out of the back of your mind is to take the option of alcohol off the table completely. Acceptance. Thing get a lot easier once we stop fighting it.

Have you looked into AVRT before MesoFreak? It's what helped get me over this particular hurdle x

MesoFreak

@Natom, I really could have a beer or two and stop, that is not the problem for me. The problem for me is when I get the slightest pressure to have another, and another, and another from outside my mind. I don't know why that is the way it is, I know others suffer from the opposite. I was thinking the same thing about removing myself from the party, I may stay at the school library late... oh wait they close early Friday's. I will think of something. I just moved to a new city for college and don't have many friends at the moment near by... even the ones not near by drink.

@Pipparina, lol, I say the same thing. No lie, I walked to put some homemade chili in the fridge, only to casually tell myself, ahhh I will enjoy a beer before bed. Then I remembered NO! Walk away from the beer, walk away. I even smacked myself in the face because I almost forgot I am not supposed to drink. Counseling is set for Oct 30th.

@actionpack, I signed a 12 month lease and I have 11 months to go.

@hypo, I haven't heard of it, but I goolged it really quick, and I will read up on it more. It seems like a good strategy. My AV voice is whispering so loud right now I want to smack it in the face!