New here, have a quick question
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
New here, have a quick question
Hello everyone, i joined this group because My first AVRT lesson
Was really awsome. I have 5 days done sobber. I don't even feel
Like drinking and that feels awsome!
Question: as anyone else in the first days sobber experienced
Roller coaster emotions? I sometime get a feeling of deep sadness,
Kind of emptyness like, not total dispair but just really sad.
Is is the beast trying to affect me? Will this go away?
Maybe I'm in depression or something.
Was really awsome. I have 5 days done sobber. I don't even feel
Like drinking and that feels awsome!
Question: as anyone else in the first days sobber experienced
Roller coaster emotions? I sometime get a feeling of deep sadness,
Kind of emptyness like, not total dispair but just really sad.
Is is the beast trying to affect me? Will this go away?
Maybe I'm in depression or something.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
It is the beast for sure, I feel better this morning. I tought about it last night and realised
That my beast existed before my addiction. Addiction came after the beast. I was able to track that feeling of allonness to when my mom went to rehad when I was 7. I remember how alone I felt in the hands of strangers taking care of me. It was only for 6 weeks but felt like forever. My dad died of cancer when i was 5, so he wasen't there to take care of us. My grandpa became my father, I loved I'm so much, but he was an alchoolic like my mom and passed of liver cancer when I was 15. I remember my grandma gave me one of his brandy mickeys as a souvenir. I remember drinking the hole thing crying alone. It worked, my beast had what it needed. I think I became an alchoolic right there, that one time my beast was satisfied.
So in resume, my beast was always there waiting. IT created the addiction. The only logical conclusion is that the beast was created by my inner pain that no one told me how to deal with. My mom was always drunk, only sobber for a few years. My next task is to work on my repressed pain and memories. I'll get a T and tell him all this. Maybe, if I fix what created the beast then addiction will have never existed. Because there is no linear time as we know it in spiritutal affairs of this universe.
And so it is, thanks for your support!
That my beast existed before my addiction. Addiction came after the beast. I was able to track that feeling of allonness to when my mom went to rehad when I was 7. I remember how alone I felt in the hands of strangers taking care of me. It was only for 6 weeks but felt like forever. My dad died of cancer when i was 5, so he wasen't there to take care of us. My grandpa became my father, I loved I'm so much, but he was an alchoolic like my mom and passed of liver cancer when I was 15. I remember my grandma gave me one of his brandy mickeys as a souvenir. I remember drinking the hole thing crying alone. It worked, my beast had what it needed. I think I became an alchoolic right there, that one time my beast was satisfied.
So in resume, my beast was always there waiting. IT created the addiction. The only logical conclusion is that the beast was created by my inner pain that no one told me how to deal with. My mom was always drunk, only sobber for a few years. My next task is to work on my repressed pain and memories. I'll get a T and tell him all this. Maybe, if I fix what created the beast then addiction will have never existed. Because there is no linear time as we know it in spiritutal affairs of this universe.
And so it is, thanks for your support!
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by Thepatman 
It is the beast for sure, I feel better this morning. I tought about it last night and realised
That my beast existed before my addiction. Addiction came after the beast. I was able to track that feeling of allonness to when my mom went to rehad when I was 7. I remember how alone I felt in the hands of strangers taking care of me. It was only for 6 weeks but felt like forever. My dad died of cancer when i was 5, so he wasen't there to take care of us. My grandpa became my father, I loved I'm so much, but he was an alchoolic like my mom and passed of liver cancer when I was 15. I remember my grandma gave me one of his brandy mickeys as a souvenir. I remember drinking the hole thing crying alone. It worked, my beast had what it needed. I think I became an alchoolic right there, that one time my beast was satisfied.
So in resume, my beast was always there waiting. IT created the addiction. The only logical conclusion is that the beast was created by my inner pain that no one told me how to deal with. My mom was always drunk, only sobber for a few years. My next task is to work on my repressed pain and memories. I'll get a T and tell him all this. Maybe, if I fix what created the beast then addiction will have never existed. Because there is no linear time as we know it in spiritutal affairs of this universe.
And so it is, thanks for your support!
That my beast existed before my addiction. Addiction came after the beast. I was able to track that feeling of allonness to when my mom went to rehad when I was 7. I remember how alone I felt in the hands of strangers taking care of me. It was only for 6 weeks but felt like forever. My dad died of cancer when i was 5, so he wasen't there to take care of us. My grandpa became my father, I loved I'm so much, but he was an alchoolic like my mom and passed of liver cancer when I was 15. I remember my grandma gave me one of his brandy mickeys as a souvenir. I remember drinking the hole thing crying alone. It worked, my beast had what it needed. I think I became an alchoolic right there, that one time my beast was satisfied.
So in resume, my beast was always there waiting. IT created the addiction. The only logical conclusion is that the beast was created by my inner pain that no one told me how to deal with. My mom was always drunk, only sobber for a few years. My next task is to work on my repressed pain and memories. I'll get a T and tell him all this. Maybe, if I fix what created the beast then addiction will have never existed. Because there is no linear time as we know it in spiritutal affairs of this universe.
And so it is, thanks for your support!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
So I had a similar "aha" moment awhile back. I always wondered what was wrong with me, when did this all start, what led me here, and I couldn't figure it out. I know that in some schools of thought (such as AVRT), the "why" doesn't really matter, but even before my drinking became such a serious issue for me, I knew something was off.
I was going to a therapist for a time and it seemed like everything started when I was in my early teens. When I told the therapist I was molested during that period, he said "ahh, so this is when you started feeling like you were off." I said, "No, this was just further proof."
Driving home one day a full year later I realized! I was ashmatic and took a medication that by my mother's account drove me bonkers, made me wired. And the way she tells the story (and I've always believed it), I thought very carefully about it before I would decide if I wanted to take the medicine. But what I remember now is that I secretly LIKED that feeling. Yes, it was physically very uncomfortable, but I loved the being wired part.
I looked it up that evening, and this medication contained a barbituate, ephedrine, and alcohol to boot! (And now that I think of it, I also took a prescription cough syrup that certainly also contained alcohol.) I stopped taking this medication in my early teens.
And I think a whole host of symptoms followed that were really the beast clamoring, but I had no idea WHAT to make of it, what was causing it. I just felt "bad" and "wrong" and "off" and "different." And those feelings were with me well into adulthood. Until... I started drinking and allowed myself to see that as "ok." Which it was, mostly.
Until it wasn't.
I know it's neither here nor there as far as AVRT is concerned, but to me, this is a really helpful insight that has given me peace about something I had been struggling with for far too long.
I was going to a therapist for a time and it seemed like everything started when I was in my early teens. When I told the therapist I was molested during that period, he said "ahh, so this is when you started feeling like you were off." I said, "No, this was just further proof."
Driving home one day a full year later I realized! I was ashmatic and took a medication that by my mother's account drove me bonkers, made me wired. And the way she tells the story (and I've always believed it), I thought very carefully about it before I would decide if I wanted to take the medicine. But what I remember now is that I secretly LIKED that feeling. Yes, it was physically very uncomfortable, but I loved the being wired part.
I looked it up that evening, and this medication contained a barbituate, ephedrine, and alcohol to boot! (And now that I think of it, I also took a prescription cough syrup that certainly also contained alcohol.) I stopped taking this medication in my early teens.
And I think a whole host of symptoms followed that were really the beast clamoring, but I had no idea WHAT to make of it, what was causing it. I just felt "bad" and "wrong" and "off" and "different." And those feelings were with me well into adulthood. Until... I started drinking and allowed myself to see that as "ok." Which it was, mostly.
Until it wasn't.
I know it's neither here nor there as far as AVRT is concerned, but to me, this is a really helpful insight that has given me peace about something I had been struggling with for far too long.
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