losteverything

Not a unique story or situation...just another tough lesson in life. I had something like 270 days, then something terrible happened in my life, and feeling all miserable, I thought I might find solace in a bottle. That spiralled out of control immediately, but thankfully, the booze chaos only lasted 2 weeks. For any newcomers thinking that you can go back to just one or two, in my experience, thats a pipe dream. I got miserable, despondent, flawed thinking...it could have been worse, but I am back at 4 days sober. I wish I didn't lose my sober time, but those are numbers..Maybe the positive in this is I was traumatically reminded how bad things can turn and how quickly, when searching for respite from harsh reality through a drinking glass...
I am glad to be back in the real world, and SR... I feel like I let alot of people here down, and my shame kept me from posting..

IndaMiricale

Welcome back

I know my sponsor always tells me I am a newcomer till 5 years of sobriety. Then I can finally say I am not. And enjoy this time, because then the true work begins..

Sorry for your relapse but you had some good months under your belt.. Getting back to the good stuff..

MycoolFitz

Been there more than once. There is always a new chance if we can grab it take care

Dee74

Welcome back LE...

I wouldn't worry you let anyone down here...we get it.


Personally, I don't think you lost anything you learned or achieved in that 270 days either...not unless you were to choose to wilfully throw those lessons and achievements away

D

Itchy

Amen Dee, and WB Lost.

1983ritag

I did something similar. I had about 14 months then decided to test the waters again. I thought maybe I'd quit too soon before finding out if I really had a problem. Thankfully it didn't take long to remember the reasons I quit in the first place. I definitely dont feel like my time was lost, It's just weird thinking that I only have a few days of sobriety now. I can say that I feel good now compared to the last time I had 5 says sober when I was lost and broken.

MesoFreak

Hey! 270 days is something to be proud of!! I want to get there this year; working on 8 days today.

Natom

Welcome back lost. I know how the setback of a slip feels. Like you've said this may help you apply a more structured commitment to your recovery. I've also been told you're not a newcomer after 5 years lol.

instant

Hey welcome back. You have not lost that time, it's there. We all learn. I think you are brave to come back and post.

pipparina

Welcome back. I wouldn't worry that you let anyone down. That you came back is what is important. And you learned something during those previous sober days. Probably what made you come back

CaiHong

Welcome back,
Your post is so important, a real reminder to us all it doesn't get any better.

CaiHong

nonblondechef

Losteverything we are so glad you are back here. There's no place like home! Hugs!!

losteverything

Thank you all for your wonderful responses. I dont know why I was expecting recriminations and criticism. I am also very grateful for everyone on this site, the warmth and understanding, compassion and forgiveness.
It really doesn't get better, going back out again. One thing that was reinforced in me this time was, there is no joy, no happiness, no respite, nothing good or fun to be found in alcohol. It also concretely reinforced the fact that I am alcoholic, that is never going away..it is a dis-ease.. only made worse when fueled with alcohol poison. I am grateful this episode didnt last long, and so, so grateful to be back on the wagon again...it truly was awful. Any notions that its social, fun, harmless was completely dispelled. My experience was isolation, misery, despair, paranoia, sneakiness...pretty well all the worst traits in a character that you wouldn't want to have...
Out of the darkness and into the light.... Bless you all..

Fandy

I always drank alone, with nobody else....(just like the George Thorogood song).

it's not living, nor was it enhancing my life...it just made the circumstances WORSE.

Mizzuno

Relapses are not fun. I am glad that you made it back here and that you posted. We can all learn from it. I wouldnt be to hard on myself. Sometimes its a process and we have to learn once again that we can not drink. I know I did.

Maylie

Welcome back! Don't worry about letting anyone down here, we can all relate and understand the stuggles that come with this disease.

What is important is that you came back, recognized that drinking doesn't solve anything, and that you are willing to get back into your recovery. Just use this as a reminder of where you began and where you want to be.

hugs

Maylie

Missy7

I'm very sorry that this happened--as I am sure are you are. But you're back here and that's the right move. I am not so strong in my own sobriety at the moment, so I wonder, did the drinking help the terrible problem? I know the answer to that, but I'm a vanishing drinker myself. And it never helps. And I know that. And I'm sorry to think that even after so many sober days we still get sucker punched.

Nasty problem alcoholism.

Itchy

Hey bud I have two years here only because I read all the tales like yours. In fact I was getting the feeling it was almost inevitable at six months from all the relapses. I was going to leave SR to preserve my sobriety and positive attitude and then realized that I now had the keys to permanent sobriety. I got those the easy way from posts like yours here. I also learned no amount of time will change my inability to control drinking alcohol. So no temptation. Sure the occasional wistful missing sipping one all night which is a delusion. And I slap myself and laugh at myself and if I really need a drink pop a coke or juice.

It always seems the longer timers that relapse feel as you did. Ashamed and expecting recriminations. But the more of you that come back and warn those behind you, and remind those ahead of you on the timeline of the danger of delusional thinking, the more of us can avoid that trap.

Hevyn

Hi lost. I've done it, too. I even had 3 years once and decided I could have 'a glass' of wine. That glass of wine led to 7 yrs. of drinking again. It was much more dangerous and out of control that last time than it ever was before.

I learned something valuable, though. There was never going to be just one drink for me. I couldn't trust myself to play with it ever again. Armed with that knowledge, I never picked up after I found SR and got the support/encouragement I needed. You can get back on track - we know you can. Glad you posted, it's brave to face this and try again.

soberbythesea

Hey LE. I hear you. I had almost 8 months, I was only shy by a few days, and then I decided to have a drink. 2 years later I'm finally back here. At least you came back quicker than I did.

The important thing is that you're here now. Focus on today. It's the only day there ever really is.