forabetterlife

It's been almost six weeks since my last drink and I have never felt better. Without being obsessed with drinking alcohol, hiding alcohol, making sure I have enough alcohol, and feeling the hungover effects of alcohol...my mind seems to have opened up some and realized some good and bad things about myself and my life. Some are hard to accept, but it feels so good to be able to think clearly about things.
Anyway, tomorrow I will have the day to myself. No work, no kids...just me and my house and my dogs. I like my time alone so I really don't necessarily want to spend time with anyone, but I am feeling nervous that this will be an opportunity for my mind to play tricks on me and tempt me to drink. The old
" If no one knows (no kids, etc.) who will I be hurting? (I know the answer to that one- ME). "I deserve it. How often to get a day to myself?" "I deserve it. I have been so stressed, so busy, and have gone all this time without drinking". "It would be so nice to just get my bottle of wine and clean the house, listen to music and just escape. Just like the old days".
I know all of that is just my addiction and I know so much better than that. But, I am scared. Of myself. These past few weeks, even through some cravings, I knew I wouldn't drink. Tomorrow, I'm not so sure. I feel a weakness that I haven't felt in a while I need to be strong.

Dee74

There's always support here forabetterlife.

You know all that babble is a lie...what you really deserve is many more years of sobriety peace and happiness.

Like someone else said recently (Flutter I think) integrity is what you do when no one is watching...

I know you have integrity...don't forget that yourself

D

Hevyn

Hi forabetterlife. I'm glad you posted about your feelings.

I thought that way for so many years - thinking I could have a little party for one to reward myself. It always led to overdoing it. There was no bottle of wine for me. I'd polish that off and go looking for more. I might plan to hold it down, but never did - and then I'd run the risk of continuing for weeks or months, back in my old pattern.

You've worked hard, and you're happy with the results. 6 weeks is fantastic, and you sound relieved to be off the merry-go-round. Keep it going! We know you can.

artsoul

Time by myself was a trigger for me, too. It will probably feel strange doing it for the first time, but you can handle it! Think about other ways to reward yourself - carryout and a movie, a little Christmas shopping? - and remember that even if we can't always choose the thoughts that go through our heads, we can choose not to act on them! (Just think about how you want to feel the next day.... ..) Definitely come here and read, too- that always did it for me!

Congrats on 6 weeks!

forabetterlife

Thanks guys! The day is here, and, as always, waking up clear headed and well rested is a major reinforcement to me. I dont' want to wake up tomorrow hating myself and feeling that familiar guilt and physical pain. It simply won't happen. Dee..I love that quote "Integrity is what you do when no one is watching". I printed it out and I'm posting it right in my kitchen for the day.
I have some shopping, cleaning, and exercising to do..and as a backup plan if things get too tempting or if I get lonely, I will take a ride and visit my mom.
I WILL NOT drink today..I have come too far, fought too hard, and feel too good.....

mecanix

I hope you feel a great sence of achievment and thanks when you make it to bed sober tonight ... i know sometimes i've ran to bed early, like 8pm because i know i'm safe then ..

Bestwishes, M

justhadenough

Enjoy your day