kiwichick

Hi all,
I have been reading some of the posts etc and I went to my first al anon meeting yesterday. It has only really just started to sink in that I needed help with this problem and the major thing that made me realise this was:
I had work drinks about two months ago as I was leaving my job and I got really REALLY drunk and I remember telling my work mates how drunk my partner gets and tonight I'll get so drunk and he can clean up my vomit etc
....hello??? I only realised how stupid that was just this week. I only hurt myself. I embarrassed myself in front of everyone. It made me realise that I was trying to pay him back for all the times I've had to clean up after him, get his spew bucket, get him dressed when he was so drunk and this has been going on for YEARS! I can't believe I have only just woken up to myself just recently. It just shows how ill I was too. And for him to say - why don't you get that drunk when you're with me? Wow.....
He always tries to get me to drink more and I actually used to join him but now that I have finally opened my eyes and realised I have been in complete denial for all these years, I need to find out who I am.
I am going to go to al anon each week and I know it will help me. I actually looked it up two years ago when I threatened to leave him but then he told me his drinking would stop....and I actually believed him! Then he started drinking again and we fell back into the same pattern. I would nag, obsess over how much he was drinking, tell him he should cut down, drink with him, abuse him, get his spew bucket, feel sorry for him, lie to other people that he had cut down. Now I have finally realised that I need help too.
Even though I am so embarrassed about my behaviour with the drinks from a couple of months ago I am actually glad that it happened because now I can work on finding myself as I didn't even know who I was anymore.

Thanks for reading

BobbyJ

Have you both tried to attend an AA and a ALANON meeting together?

kiwichick

No, I haven't. Two years ago, when I tried to tell him to stop drinking, he said he doesn't have a problem. His parents are big drinkers and drink every night and he says he is nowhere near as bad as them.
I just don't know what to do any more.

SparkleKitty

You took a big step in getting to your first meeting. I know how overwhelming it can be to finally recognize the problem and then feel like, Okay...what now?? But give yourself a break - just making that recognition is so huge. You don't have to figure everything out right now, just the next thing. And that can be as small and simple as one more meeting.

Titanic

Congratulations! SparkleKitty is right too, and not just because she lives in beautiful Chicago!