BlueEyedBoy

I have met the most amazing man in the world and we have been together a few months. I was honest about my alcoholism in the beginning and other mental health issues I have, and he said it doesn't matter. In the past fortnight I have had two monumental breakdowns, one which landed me in hospital. He was there by my side, and is so understanding.

I have tried pushing him away as I don't think I deserve him. Why does he care and love me when I am such a failure? How can I do this when I know it hurts him too? I love him so much- I couldn't live with myself if I was making him miserable. He promises me he isn't, and loves me and just wants me to get recovered. But I can't help but feel like I don't deserve him.

Does anyone else have any experiences they can share?

justhadenough

for me, my relationships were never healthy/successful until i learnt to love myself.

i know from reading others' stories on here new relationships in early recovery are not ideal as you need to concentrate on yourself. it sounds like you need to work on you-he sounds a nice bloke but have you got the time/resources/energy to concentrate on your recovery and worrying about a new relationship.

i would say,be careful, no one is perfect. it comes across as you seem to think he is amazing/perfect whilst you are not and not worthy of him. it seems very out of balance-he will have his flaws isn't perfect and you are worth a lot more thn you think.

Sapling

Well said justhadenough!

Natom

Out of all the advice given to me in my recovery not having a relationship in the first year was the most prominent. You change so much as you recover and you need to be selfish. No matter how much you want to be with someone else you have to put all the effort onto you. It's a selfish program but it has to be to work.

justhadenough

thankyou sapling!

BadCompany

Quit judging yourself. You suck at it. Let him decide what he wants in life, and if that is you, shut up and accept what he decided to be what he wants.

Threshold

I have only my own experience to share about my own recovery.

As a child I was neglected, shamed and abused.

As an adult I am so overwhelmed and grateful for any attention from men that I have gotten myself into monumentally stupid situations and relationships, thinking that I should be grateful that anyone is "willing" to put up with me.

I feel like I should be willing to put up with anything just to not be alone, not be a failure as a woman and human being.

I have mental health and addiction issues, and I am scared to end up alone, or institutionalized. I am afraid of not having health care, or being able to keep a roof over my head. As a child I was told that I was lucky just to have those things, and that I should be grateful and not complain about the abuse. And I still behave that way in relationships.

I don't trust that I am capable of attracting or recognizing a good man. A good man can find someone better than me..right? So I feel like I either end up alone, or take what I can get. NOT SMART.

I thought my ex H was a good man...he tossed me out because he didn't want to deal with my mental health issues.

I thought a boyfriend was a good man, I can't tell you HOW many times I referred to him that way to people...he turned out to be very not so good.

I thought my latest boyfriend was a good man, struggling with his own addiction issues, but good, sincere, truly loved me. Turns out I was wrong again.

Now, all those men had issues of their own. The relationships didn't fail just because I am "unworthy", but I didn't see their issues, or I saw them and said they didn't matter. But they did matter.

I feel like my radar is broken. Four years of recovery haven't rendered me relationship ready. I need to recognize what I need, and not settle for less. I can't do that yet. I repeat the same cycle of thinking that if I can pretend it doesn't matter, then it won't matter...then inevitably I get overwhelmed and it all comes crashing down.

I am in that place right now.

It's hard to not let the thrill of a new relationship keep me from seeing what I need to see about myself and my new partner.

I think you are asking good questions here. Showing some clarity. That will help you take better care of yourself.

silly

I agree. He's a grown man (I assume). Let him decide what he wants. :-)