bluebelle

My RABF has been doing ok. He is still clean (2 years). He recently increased his recovery efforts after a near-relapse. (Return to stinking thinking.) he is back on subs--I have mixed feeling.

I'm hanging in there. Same days are better than others. He is very moody on the subs. He has been working with a psych doc who requires pee tests.

I'm trying to read and focus in myself (with limited luck). Some days are fine, and other times I'm afraid of everything melting down'

Ideally focused about changing my reactions to his behavior and obsessive thoughts and behaviorals. I'm sure there is a better life out there that right in front of me if I could learn to make it about me. Tks for listening.

Freedom1990

Thanks for the update, bluebelle.

Other than reading and trying to focus on yourself, do you have any kind of support like a therapist, counselor, or 12-step meetings like Alanon, Naranon, or CODA?

For me, it took a wide support system to fully engage in my own recovery and start healing emotionally.

Sending you hugs of support on the chilly Kansas winds!

LoveMeNow

I know its not about me, and I have no say but I really liked my husband when he was on subs. He was once again like the man I married. Calm, happy, funny, and loving.

He refused to stay on them, tapered too fast and went through one hell of a withdrawal. He relapsed soon after but got clean again and is still working on his recovery through NA. This time around without the subs, he is having a harder time, mostly due to the lack of sleep and no energy. He is finally understanding a healthy diet and exercise is crucial.

bluebelle

I had a psychiatrist, but she has stopped seeing clients. You are right, I need to get back with a counselor. I don't have a great excuse other than I'm crazy busy with school and broke with no insurance. I could see a counselor through school, and I need to look I to insurance for myself. I guess I was hoping that I could stay strong and go it on my own for awhile. It is hard to admit that I need help.it's funny because I see where my RABF has had to admit that he needs help and can't get better on his own. Then, I try to do the same thing myself.

LoveMeNow

A very wise poster told me "If your getting better depends on him getter better, you will just being sitting in a more comfortable seat but nothing has really changed.' She was right, I got serious about working my recovery soon after.

bluebelle

I don't like the subs because he had been clean from all substances for 2 years. On the subs, he has this new energy and enthusiasm that annoys me. Yesterday, he mopped the floor, and I guess wanted me to congratulate him or something.

I appreciate that he is working with a counselor. He realized he was going downhill, and got help. I have mixed feelings about him getting help from subs. It seems like he has false energy,do you know what I mean? Plus, the side effects annoy me because they remind me of when he was using.

bluebelle

Yes, I know that is true. I usually realize that. I was working on myself, but haven't been sleeping well this week. So, I'm not doing as well as I was. I think I'm tired and don't function as well like that. Thanks for listening.

LoveMeNow

I know many people don't think that suboxone is being clean, my husband included. I have mixed feelings about it though.

Actually, I don't see the similarities. Maybe because he has always had a lot of energy with or without it. It's that nervous energy that drives me nuts, I didn't see that when he was on suboxone though.

bluebelle

My RABF has mixed feelings, too, but he's working in that with the doc.

I have a tendency to be a worrier, anyway, and this has not helped. I start worrying about things that aren't my business--when he'll come off it, if he'll stay on this dose, etc. he has to pee test for her. Then, I worry what if he doesn't go through with that. What if this causes problems with his job. All of these worries are not my business. I guess him being on Subs is a perfect storm for a Codie, or maybe I'm just stressed with my own life and blaming him.

LoveMeNow

I will tell you this though, my husband said while on subs - he didn't feel like he needed meetings or spirituality although he went anyway. When he came off subs, he really needed them. I think working the steps has been good for him too.

bluebelle

Thanks for sharing that! I have the same thought about RABF. He is using subs, and working in his recovery. However, it's like he doesn't need to work as hard on recovery when he has the subs. Maybe he doesn't feel that way. I know he doesn't want to stay on them. I see what you are saying.

RABF is working on spirituality, too. I think I also get annoyed with his complaining about his bad he feels without subs and how hard it is to working on his recovery. I think, you know, life is difficult for all of us, not just for recovering drug addicts.

LoveMeNow

Just last Monday or Tuesday, my husband's addiction was calling him. He threatened to move out and say screw it. I said OK, it's your life then I sat back and said nothing else. Well, I posted on SR, lol. Eventually, he called someone and worked it out without my interference. On subs, he would never have acted that way. While on subs, he didn't have the same urges at all. He didn't have those compulsive thoughts. Of course later he was all apologetic and humble.

I know it takes time, but I am not sure this is the way I want my life to go. Kind of hard to have a future when you never know when an addict will say screw it and go out the doors.

bluebelle

Does your husband seem like 2 different people--one person on the subs and another without them?

LoveMeNow

When he went of subs, he relapsed within a month. (which another poster warned me would most likely happen and she was right.) So he is only clean for around 25 days now. He still isnt sleeping well, still has some rls but the urges (obsession and compulsion) aren't as intense (although they were Moday), but overall I am not impressed. So I would say yes at this point!

He is someone who needs his sleep. Me? I don't need much!!

LoveMeNow

I honestly liked him better on the subs. Of course, that made dealing with his addiction much easier too so not as many mood swings and no problems sleeping!

But it was a nightmare coming off them for him but he did it his way and paid dearly!!

bluebelle

RABf has also originally came off them too quickly, so that's why he's back on him now. Hopefully he will follow his doc's advice this time.

LoveMeNow

At some point, IMO, he will still have to deal with his compulsive and obsessive thoughts and urges unless he plans on staying on subs for life.

Even then, I hear real life stories all the time about people being clean for years and BAM, they are right back out there. Addiction is so cunning. An addict must vigilant!!

I have quite smoking for years and BAM - I am right back at it. (poor comparison but I think you know what I mean).

Keep working on you, finish school and enjoy YOUR life. You don't have to make any decisions right now!

bluebelle

Yes, it is always uncertain & there could be relapse in the future. That's why I need to take care of myself.