bloss

During my years of drinking, I tried so many "changes", change/quit job, different recovery programs, therapy, church, divorce, move somewhere new.
It didn't work, why? I just wasn't ready to believe or understand that the problem for me was the first sip of alcohol. So everything I tried did not work. The only thing which seems to work for me is acceptance of who I am, not a failure, just a person who cannot drink alcohol because when I do, I am choosing to hurt myself and possibly through my actions, others.

Natom

I too did the same. Geographics, people, jobs. Trying to find a way to solve the problem without looking at myself. Once you figure out it's you the work can begin.

bloss

Thanks for the post!

hypochondriac

It's amazing how we seem to try everything but giving up alcohol. I know I did that before finally accepting it might be the booze!

doggonecarl

Interesting post. I've been thinking about "change" and how it relates to recovery. Lot of folks come here, vowing to quit, and often fail. Why? Because the only change they might have made has been to quit drinking.

Change is more than that. Dee hammers that point relentlessly:
"I needed to make some pretty major changes in my life."
"I had to make a lot of changes to my life too..."
"I had to make changes in the things I used to do, and the people I used to hang around with."

Change is scary, difficult. But I think another problem is that some people don't realize how much change is required to get and stay sober. It requires fundamental change; change at the deepest core of our person.

instant

I tired all the soft options first

bloss

I do agree one does have to change many things. I never truly and honestly did Step One. I just wasn't ready, I believe I have now, but only time will tell.

Avra

Been thinking alot today about acceptance. I am not in AA, but this is an important step for anyone recovering, regardless of program.

I have fought tooth and nail to not accept my problem. Maybe if I quit for six months, maybe if I limit to two, maybe if I drink slowly. I have had some romantic vision in my head of me, in time, drinking like a "normie". Usually I envision some social situation where everyone is laughing having a good time and drinking (moderately). And I am there with them, successfully having a few. I mean my god, life without drinking? What a horrible fate. How come others "get to" drink and I dont. Its not fair.

Well, I give up. I accept it. I cannot drink. Ever. For me there is only two modes: sober or stinking drunk. And, even if I manage to do it once, the next time I will drink till I pass out. Its inevitable.

I accept that I dont need to drink, I dont HAVE to drink. I looked at it all wrong. It is not such a great life enhancer and I now have the freedom from it.

Amazing how hard that step is.

Needsassistance

Pretty similar experience an thought patterns for me Avra. I'm very happy I finally gave in, i done forever with booze... And I'm happy about it, feel great.

Hevyn

It is amazing how hard that admission is. I spent a lifetime trying to figure out how to manage it. If I'm honest, I can look back and see that it was trouble right from the beginning. I loved it - and I couldn't get enough. It seemed the answer to all my problems, and I never wanted to let go of my new friend.

Those who see early on what it's doing to them have my envy. How I'd love to have back all those wasted years where I tried to control my drinking. I can't believe I was so convinced I needed it to live. I've learned to accept what happened and not let it ruin the time I have left, though.

Good thread, bloss.

YVRguy

Hmm I hear you Hevyn

Today at a meeting this young man had just moved into the area and had the same sobriety time as me...lucky devil is at least 25 years younger..oh well that's an accept the things I can not change right there! :-)

For me Step 1 rings true loud and clear. My best thinking never stopped me from drinking even when I knew it was totally wrong , was going to cause tremendous pain for myself and others...I simply had no power within me to stop once I got started.

The lengths I went to try anything and everything was exhausting so surrender was actually a freakin relief. I did my single handed battle and lost. Now I don't have to fight it any more nor alone when it comes up.

MythOfSisyphus

Not to distract from the brilliant OP (which is very true), but Avra sums up my struggle completely. In the back of my mind I always knew I'd have to give it up but my defense was that I didn't have to yet. There was always going to be another chance, a better time to do it. Honestly it was only three days ago that it instantly became patently obvious to me that I had absolutely zero chance of regaining control once the 2nd drink hit my lips. The only shot I have is not to pick up the glass at all. There's a tremendous sense of peace in knowing how to avoid a battle I cannot hope to win.

I am at three days, and I realize that's nothing. But now my active rational mind is calling the shots. I won't give the reins back to the Addictive Mind without a helluva fight.

Gigabit

The only winning move is not to play...

Panacea

Bloss, Thank you for this thread. What an amazing way to start my day. I am going to ponder these posts for awhile.

I am not in AA - but have read the steps and am working to apply them to my life. Avra's post "For me there is only two modes: sober or stinking drunk" is very true for me as well. I am not sure I would even want to drink like a normal person (i.e. one or two drink) - that is how messed up I am.....one is never enough for me - I want the whole shooting match, or nothing.....so it is best not to even start.

I love this site. Never thought I would make it this far (know it is still early in the fight).

Thanks again - happy Saturday.

xo Pan

Pondlady

Nice post to start my day with. Food for thought. Change is ultimately at the root of solving most of our problems. Identifying what needs changed takes some digging and honesty. Going to ponder this thought while on my morning walk!