October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Old 10-04-2012, 07:51 AM
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October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here is a link to their web site for information: National Domestic Violence Hotline
Here are the phone numbers for help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224

Here is an article to help us identify the red flags of abuse:

Know the Red Flags of AbuseIt’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.

In fact, many abusers may seem absolutely perfect on the surface– as if they are the dream partner — in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.

If you’re beginning to feel as if your partner or a loved one’s partner is becoming abusive, there are a few behaviors that you can look out for. Watch out for these red flags and if you’re experiencing one or more of them in your relationship, call The Hotline to talk about what’s going on:

-Embarrassing or putting you down
-Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
-Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
-Keeping you or discouraging you from seeing your friends or families
-Taking your money or refusing to give you money for expenses
-Preventing you from making your own decisions
-Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to harm or take away your children
-Preventing you from working or attending school
-Blaming you for the abuse, or acting like it’s not really happening
-Destroying your property or threatening to hurt or kill your pets
-Intimidating you with guns, knives or other weapons
-Shoving, slapping, choking or hitting you
-Attempting to stop you from pressing charges
-Threatening to commit suicide because of something you’ve done
-Threatening to hurt or kill you
-Pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
-Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol
-Preventing you from using birth control or pressuring you to become pregnant when you’re not ready

Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partners.

If you’re concerned about some of these things happening in your relationship, please feel free to give us a call at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:59 PM
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Ann
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Thanks for posting this. Before we moved I volunteered at a women's shelter (a really terrific one that also had living accommodations that they would support a family in for up to a year while they retrained or sought employment). I saw the face of abuse, and it was your face and my face and our neighbour's face and the doctor's wife's face...all of them sad faces needing help. And I saw the face of the children of abuse..innocent children with split lips and black eyes because they tried to stop the abuse. God bless the child.

If one person seeks help because of what is posted here today, then all the work we do here is worthwhile.

If you are being abused, please do not feel afraid or ashamed to reach out to a shelter near you, they will help you even if you don't go there and they will help you leave safely if it comes to that. It's not your fault that you are abused, and there is no shame in reaching out for help when you need it.

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Old 10-04-2012, 09:57 PM
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Thank you for sharing. My mom was an abused woman, and I grew up with a front row seat to the violence. The abuser often breaks down the victim until they believe that they are somehow responsible. The kids are also victims in this situation. There is help out there, and things can get better for the victim and children. The professionals know what to do--how to protect you.
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Old 10-05-2012, 07:31 AM
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Thanks for the great information, L2L. I used to teach a section of a college course on relationship violence and, incredibly, it was many years before I realized that my own relationship fit into the power and control wheel. The most important "take away" for many of us is to realize that physical violence is usually the last resort of the abusive partner. Emotional abuse can be subtle, too, but still does incredible damage to the survivor's psyche.

Here are the wheels again--I posted them at some point this summer in response to a post. And some of us have also mentioned here Lundy Bancroft's incredibly helpful book, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry & Controlling Men.

http://www.theduluthmodel.org/pdf/PowerandControl.pdf

http://www.theduluthmodel.org/pdf/Equality.pdf
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