Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 19
Struggling
Hi I have been MIA for a loooooong time. I am sure none of you remember me as my appearance was brief and then I just disappeared.
A run down since I was last here.
I reconciled with my husband. I separated from my husband. The more I tried the less he did. I left him again, this time I actually moved out. We are in the middle of getting a divorce he refuses to pay any support and now he is ignoring me and the family. He is also refusing to sign the divorce papers. The result of all this is I am broker than broke and super stressed out.
This in turn has made me realize I NEED to work the program. I see that I am codependent and have a lot of things I need to work out for me. I need to take care of me to be able to take care of my family.
So I am working the steps. I totally thought I was on Step 4 and then I went and searched out my step work here (love that section too...thank you so much) and I see that I am stuck on step 3.
My higher power is God. My struggle is I don't know how to turn it over to Him. I don't know how to listen to Him. I am so so struggling and I just do not know how to work through it. So can I ask how did you work though that step? Was it a struggle? How did you know that it was working and what sort of things did you do to work though this step? I know we are all different and work though the steps at our own pace just curious about these things.
A run down since I was last here.
I reconciled with my husband. I separated from my husband. The more I tried the less he did. I left him again, this time I actually moved out. We are in the middle of getting a divorce he refuses to pay any support and now he is ignoring me and the family. He is also refusing to sign the divorce papers. The result of all this is I am broker than broke and super stressed out.
This in turn has made me realize I NEED to work the program. I see that I am codependent and have a lot of things I need to work out for me. I need to take care of me to be able to take care of my family.
So I am working the steps. I totally thought I was on Step 4 and then I went and searched out my step work here (love that section too...thank you so much) and I see that I am stuck on step 3.
My higher power is God. My struggle is I don't know how to turn it over to Him. I don't know how to listen to Him. I am so so struggling and I just do not know how to work through it. So can I ask how did you work though that step? Was it a struggle? How did you know that it was working and what sort of things did you do to work though this step? I know we are all different and work though the steps at our own pace just curious about these things.
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
When you are STUCK on a Step, I was once told by a double winner "that often means you have work left to be done on the Step before." That's been helpful to me, so you may want to take a look at Step 2 first and ask yourself if you have truly "come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
I think of Steps 1 through 3 as the simple surrender of the words "Oh God, please help me" immediately followed by working my program. Step 3 is a daily step.
You also asked about turning it over, listening, and when one knows Step 3 is working. It's working when you're working it.
Turning it over and listening. I recommend you read One Day at a Time for June 17 and November 12. Also, slowly and carefully read the last paragraph on page 20 and the first one on page 21 of Al-Anon's Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions.
Try repeating this daily and often to switch the brain into the right gear: "Not mine, but Thy will be done." After all, "Humility is the underlying thought of the Twelve Steps 12." Page 31. The program is about humility in our relationship to God, other human beings and ourselves. It's about being the right size: knowing where we leave off, and where others and God begin. "Let Go and Let God" totally applies here, as it wraps in Steps 1 through 3:
I think of Steps 1 through 3 as the simple surrender of the words "Oh God, please help me" immediately followed by working my program. Step 3 is a daily step.
You also asked about turning it over, listening, and when one knows Step 3 is working. It's working when you're working it.
Turning it over and listening. I recommend you read One Day at a Time for June 17 and November 12. Also, slowly and carefully read the last paragraph on page 20 and the first one on page 21 of Al-Anon's Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions.
Try repeating this daily and often to switch the brain into the right gear: "Not mine, but Thy will be done." After all, "Humility is the underlying thought of the Twelve Steps 12." Page 31. The program is about humility in our relationship to God, other human beings and ourselves. It's about being the right size: knowing where we leave off, and where others and God begin. "Let Go and Let God" totally applies here, as it wraps in Steps 1 through 3:
When we put this slogan to work, we get out of the way. We let go of the problems, the need to know what will happen and when, the obsession with other people's choices, the thoughts and concerns that waste our time and energy because we cannot resolve them ourselves. And we let God take care of them. ... When an Al-Anon friend goes through a difficult time and we don't know how to show our support, all we need to do is to let them know we are available and to 'Let Go and Let God.' This slogan gives us permission to replace stress, worry, and suffering with serenity and faith. It's okay to relax and let life happen. We can rest assured that the answers, choices, actions, and thoughts we need will come to us when the time is right because we have placed them in the hands of our Higher Power." How Al-Anon Works, page 75.
Hope this helps. Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I'm a visual person. I actually visualize myself hauling a huge big pack up a hill (feel free to change the imagery so that it works for you) and I can feel how heavy it is and how hard the hike is and how my legs are burning and my soul just wants to give up... and then when I get to the top of the hill, I put down the pack at the foot of the cross.
And then I walk away.
And then I run back and pick up some stray things because it's not that I don't think God can handle it, it's more that I'm afraid of HOW God will handle it, and so I'd like to hang on to some of all the stuff I really should let go of...
So then I start back up the hill. And put things down again. And again. And again.
For me, in the end, it comes down to two things: Trust and awareness of my limitations. Or backwards: Knowing what I cannot control, I have to trust that God can. Not like a friend helping you carry your groceries, but someone who, when you've come to the absolute end of what you can bear, will be there and smile and look at you and say, "silly. I've been here all along, just waiting for you to let me carry all that junk."
I don't know if any of that helps at all, but those are some of my thoughts.
And then I walk away.
And then I run back and pick up some stray things because it's not that I don't think God can handle it, it's more that I'm afraid of HOW God will handle it, and so I'd like to hang on to some of all the stuff I really should let go of...
So then I start back up the hill. And put things down again. And again. And again.
For me, in the end, it comes down to two things: Trust and awareness of my limitations. Or backwards: Knowing what I cannot control, I have to trust that God can. Not like a friend helping you carry your groceries, but someone who, when you've come to the absolute end of what you can bear, will be there and smile and look at you and say, "silly. I've been here all along, just waiting for you to let me carry all that junk."
I don't know if any of that helps at all, but those are some of my thoughts.
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