Moving forward?

Old 10-03-2012, 05:48 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
Moving forward?

My boyfriend is a crack addict. He left 11 days ago on a binge. He resurfaced long enough Saturday (after 6 days) to pick up his custom bike and go sell it to continue his binge (apparently he sold his truck this time as well for a fraction of its value). When he came back Saturday, I told him he couldn't live here anymore. Initially he said he understood, but later he became angry with me about it - as if all of his problems were my fault. I assume to justify leaving again to continue his binge.

This has been an ongoing problem for over 5 years, but this is as bad as its ever been. Before, he would leave for 3 or 4 days, resurface and I would patch everything back together for him like a good enabler does. This time I said no. The morning he took off, he had his own business, a good job, a home, a family, a nice truck, an immaculate motorcycle, and a woman who would do anything for him. Today he has nothing. He has sold or lost everything he owns or ever had. He is 43 and threw away 20 years of hard work, passion and dreams.

I will not let him destroy me anymore than he already has. And as scared as I am, as much as I miss him, I am letting go and moving on. I have changed the locks on the house and am having an alarm system installed (I realized that whatever drug dealer has his truck also has the registration - with MY address on it. He jeopardized MY KIDS and MY LIFE this time without even caring).

Today I made plans for my 40th birthday in January - WITHOUT HIM. Seems so strange. Like I am somehow abandoning him. As if I am leaving HIM and not the other way around. But I am determined to get MY life back. I have to let go of the dreams - the FANTASY - that the incredible man I fell in love with is EVER coming back. I will always miss that man. He is/was the absolute love of my life.

So here I am - moving on - hopefully, slowly, one step and one day at a time. I am sad and ever so scared for him. But I can't save him. And I have so much to live for. Beautiful kids who only have a short time left with me, a nice home, and incredible friends and a great job.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference, right? So here I am, accepting, and changing and hoping I have enough wisdom to do the right thing.

As for my birthday...Vegas, baby! Me and the girls - and no addict boyfriend to ruin the excitement. I have 4 months to find my happiness. Four months to get through this so I can enjoy myself the way I deserve to on my birthday. Or at least try. Birthdays kind of suck for me. My ex-husband/kids dad, another alchoholic/addict, committed suicide the day before my birthday nearly 8 years ago. Birthdays have never been the same. I'm hoping to make new memories, happy memories, to replace the sadness that still surrounds it.

Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers.
mfox is offline  
Old 10-03-2012, 06:04 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
I'm no angel!
 
dollydo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Good for you! Vegas? My kind of place, enjoy!

You are doing the right thing for you and your children, keep your resolve!
dollydo is offline  
Old 10-03-2012, 06:10 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Impurrfect's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((mfox)) - as both a recovering crack addict and recovering codependent, you've done the best thing for you! There's no logic or thought to what a crack addict does EXCEPT "get more crack".

I left my XABF#3 (slow learner) because I wanted recovery, he wanted to keep using. Even though I know the addiction inside and out, he wanted to keep doing what he'd been doing for more than 20 years. I, too, was sad and scared for him but I had to give him the dignity to live his life as he wanted, just as my loved ones did me. I found recovery after hitting bottom, he died a few years later and that was his bottom.

Did it hurt? Oh yeah, but I'd been a part of this forum long enough that I know I couldn't have stopped his descent. Not all A's die - his body just gave out after decades of abuse.

Regardless of what the A does, we can still live our lives and even enjoy it! Sounds like a GREAT trip you have planned for your birthday

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
Impurrfect is offline  
Old 10-03-2012, 06:56 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Getting there!!
 
LoveMeNow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
As I learn about my codependency, I can see that my "obsession" with my husband was not really love. My trying to fix, control or save my husband was actually very selfish. These things filled a need im me. Letting go your BF go is a very loving thing to do. There no reason to feel bad at all.

I hope you stay and keep posting.
LoveMeNow is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:39 PM.