grateful6982

I hate you for putting me through this. I hate you for lying to me for so long that I no longer believe a single word that comes out of your mouth. I hate you for convincing me that things would work out when I know they won’t. I hate that I am incapable of removing you from my life, even though you have basically ruined it. I hate that you make me feel bad for being angry at you even though you completely ****** up. I hate that I am happy to accept the bare minimum from myself. I hate you for not even giving me the bare minimum of yourself. I hate myself for refusing to push you away so that you could find your bottom. I hate myself for letting my kids see that I am not as strong as I thought I was. I hate myself for not even being able to tell you any of this.

PaperDolls

Very powerful grateful. I'm sorry you're going through so much pain.

Have you checked out any Alanon meetings?

Katiekate

Nice vent, you must have needed it. You are strong, and you will get stronger.

Sounds like you are getting close to some important action and healing.

Please keep us posted. Katie Hug

laura802

And now we have the opportunity to show our children that adults are not perfect, not even their parents. And we have the opportunity to show them we can grow and learn. That's a way stronger message than "My Mommy is perfect or stongest or etc."

Plus once you survive this, it will show them even when bad things happen, life goes on. And we can move forward.

My daughter has always been so hard on herself. I know seeing that even parents make mistakes and mess up has been huge for her. In the midst of all this I've actually seen her confidence grow. That's one thing I would have never guessed would come out of all this.

incitingsilence

What did he put you through, and why did you allow it?

What about your lies, the ones you were telling yourself within it all?

If you knew things wouldn’t work out … well this goes to the one before and is about looking at the lies you tell yourself.

How did he ruin it and where does your responsibility lie for how your life turned out.

Why be angry? One thing for certain is that addicts use, they are suppose to. How we react to that, well that is our issue having nothing to do with them.

Find out why you did, this is important!

Again why did you allow that? We really aren’t here by happenstance.

You don’t have to push anyone away to have them find bottom, you just have to give them back their addiction. Accept that they are addicts, that you have no control, remove any need to react with motives of them in mind, don’t enable and let go.

Oh none of us are prefect, and we can’t always be strong and aren’t suppose to be. We learn in this things that make us much stronger than we might have ever been… well as long at we allow ourselves to learn.

You should be able to speak freely, and tell him everything you wrote here, but I would remove all the you’s in terms of him and speak about just you and how you feel. Not him as the source of how you feel because YOU are the source of how you feel.


If you can take the time to work on you, you will find all your answers.