Day 2 -- so confused
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Posts: 64
Day 2 -- so confused
First of all, let me introduce myself as I have never written anything on here before. I a 25 year old who didn't have her first drink until 18. Since then I have struggled a lot with my alcohol consumption in my attempt to mask the unbearable anxiety and depression I suffer from.
I have finally admitted to myself that I have a problem, as the suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and depression is found to be increasingly more prominent the day after a night of binge drinking.
I am on day 2 of no smoking weed and no drinking. It is difficult because when I am drunk is when I tell myself that I have a problem -- but when I am sober is when I tell myself I don't have a problem. I'm torn and conflicted. Even with my revelation and admitting my struggles, I still am in denial.
It feels like a very hopeless cycle. But yesterday I did purchase two books (Dharma Punx by Noah Levine and a book called "The Addictive Personality") as a stepping stone that I am hoping will help fill my afternoons and give me insight into the positive steps I am looking to make in my life.
I apologize for the long-winded first post, but I guess I had a lot more to express than I had initially thought.
I have finally admitted to myself that I have a problem, as the suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and depression is found to be increasingly more prominent the day after a night of binge drinking.
I am on day 2 of no smoking weed and no drinking. It is difficult because when I am drunk is when I tell myself that I have a problem -- but when I am sober is when I tell myself I don't have a problem. I'm torn and conflicted. Even with my revelation and admitting my struggles, I still am in denial.
It feels like a very hopeless cycle. But yesterday I did purchase two books (Dharma Punx by Noah Levine and a book called "The Addictive Personality") as a stepping stone that I am hoping will help fill my afternoons and give me insight into the positive steps I am looking to make in my life.
I apologize for the long-winded first post, but I guess I had a lot more to express than I had initially thought.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Good stuff on your 2 days! I'm on day 1, stopped cigarettes also.
I'm at work so my mind is busy... Tonight will be the true stress test. But you know what, if you did 2 days I'll follow your lead!! Keep pushing foward. I'm sure we will be so happier after a couple of months dry.
I'm at work so my mind is busy... Tonight will be the true stress test. But you know what, if you did 2 days I'll follow your lead!! Keep pushing foward. I'm sure we will be so happier after a couple of months dry.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Hey Krispy,
Have you considered going to AA/NA meetings or doing anything else to keep you busy and sober? I get what you mean about only thinking you have a problem when you are actually wasted. You just have to remind yourself how you feel when loaded and make sure you think of it when you are sober. I just pray that I never forget what and where I have come from.
Have you considered going to AA/NA meetings or doing anything else to keep you busy and sober? I get what you mean about only thinking you have a problem when you are actually wasted. You just have to remind yourself how you feel when loaded and make sure you think of it when you are sober. I just pray that I never forget what and where I have come from.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Posts: 64
Natom -- yes, I have considered looking into AA meetings. The only reason I am hesitant so far is just because I don't know what to expect/would have to go alone. But it is something that I know in my heart I need to do. Other than that, I have committed myself to exercising every day after work and keeping in contact with a friend who was also in the same boat as I am and recently completed an in-patient program.
Thepatman -- it is cool to not be alone and to have others just beginning this adventure with me. I feel like the night ahead will be a difficult one, as well, but we can do it together.
Thepatman -- it is cool to not be alone and to have others just beginning this adventure with me. I feel like the night ahead will be a difficult one, as well, but we can do it together.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 36
Alcohol and mental health problems do not mix. If you're self-medicating to a level where you are drunk all the time you don't just have a mental health problem but a drug abuse problem as well, this really can exhaust a human being quite quickly over a few years.
Like with all problems, if they're too big break them down. Nobody can take on their entire lifes' problems at once. Try to divide things up into what feels best for yourself and focus on making small changes at a time.
Like with all problems, if they're too big break them down. Nobody can take on their entire lifes' problems at once. Try to divide things up into what feels best for yourself and focus on making small changes at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Thanks krispy87.
Ho and one trick that usually helps me alot with withdrawl.
I have around 6 Camomille infusions during the evening and 2 Valerian pills before bed with a glass of milk
It really calms the nerveous system.
Ho and one trick that usually helps me alot with withdrawl.
I have around 6 Camomille infusions during the evening and 2 Valerian pills before bed with a glass of milk
It really calms the nerveous system.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: In The Moment
Posts: 35
Welcome Krispy. I'm on day two as well. I quit smoking cigarettes along with the drinking as well. You already get the dangerous cycle. As soon as we are a hair sober and feeling good, the AV tells us we didn't really have a problem to begin with. I want to say I had a relapse last week, but I prefer to call it a learning experience. I have not drank for days, weeks and even months before but I cannot drink just one. So for today, I will not drink at all. And tomorrow...and so on...
Good luck...read, read and read more. I have learned so much here in a short time. Knowledge is more powerful than any one drink.
Good luck...read, read and read more. I have learned so much here in a short time. Knowledge is more powerful than any one drink.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Hi Just4now. Same boat, stopped Cigarettes at the same time.
Might as well get both addictions over with. If I'm going full blown withdrawal, migh as well.
I'm starting Zyban to help with the Nicotine. Plus it's an anti-depressant. Worked during the summer for a month. untill my girlfriend dropped me on my head. Triggers is what I have to avoid and understand this time arround if I want to not relapse.
Might as well get both addictions over with. If I'm going full blown withdrawal, migh as well.
I'm starting Zyban to help with the Nicotine. Plus it's an anti-depressant. Worked during the summer for a month. untill my girlfriend dropped me on my head. Triggers is what I have to avoid and understand this time arround if I want to not relapse.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Posts: 64
Thank you Just4Now -- I've always been able to go a long period of time without drinking, but it is when I return to it when I find myself the most destructive. =/
Thepatman -- I'm actually going through a breakup right at the beginning of this, too. It's like everything all at once. I feel the same, though. If I'm going to do it, I might as well embrace all of the addictions -- including the destructive addiction I had to that relationship.
Thepatman -- I'm actually going through a breakup right at the beginning of this, too. It's like everything all at once. I feel the same, though. If I'm going to do it, I might as well embrace all of the addictions -- including the destructive addiction I had to that relationship.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Fantasic that you have choosen sobriety today. First I would like to say that each day gets a little easier.
I would highly recommend getting to an AA meeting. You will meet a ton of people from all walks of life that have exactly the same struggles you do. The best thing is they have a solution. Just go on-line and find a meeting. At the beginning of the meeting they will ask if there is anyone that has never been to a meeting . Tell them you have not and you would like some helpthey will take it from there
I would highly recommend getting to an AA meeting. You will meet a ton of people from all walks of life that have exactly the same struggles you do. The best thing is they have a solution. Just go on-line and find a meeting. At the beginning of the meeting they will ask if there is anyone that has never been to a meeting . Tell them you have not and you would like some helpthey will take it from there
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Krispy, I was incredibly anxious about my first Na meeting. Once I got there I found that everyone was very welcoming and understanding. The same goes for AA meetings too. Perhaps try ringing the local AA helpline in your area. They should be able to get you in touch with members of your local meeting.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Most people coming into AA are very shameful. They believe there is no one as bad as they are. Hah!!!! You will not have to be around for very long to find people who sank a whole lot lower than you did. Like my tag line says, "Finally content with a past I regret" but where your bottom is makes no differance it is letting others help you climb out of the hole you have dug yourself that matters
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
krispy87, I suggest you Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", 'How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". See if you can identify.
Nothing to fear in the rooms of AA, just many folks like yourself who are treating their disease and are more than willing to help you as well.
All the best.
Bob R
Nothing to fear in the rooms of AA, just many folks like yourself who are treating their disease and are more than willing to help you as well.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR 
I used to suffer from crippling anxiety and depression, too. Drinking just made it so much worse, and the way I behaved when I was drunk just added to the never-ending list of things I hated about myself and my life. The good news is that having been sober 6 months, I now very rarely feel anxious or depressed, and when I do it is something I can cope with... I have learnt how to deal with those feelings rather than drink them away. You'll find that the intensity of your anxiety and depression will lessen almost immediately... give it a few weeks and you'll feel so much better.
Wishing you all the best.
I used to suffer from crippling anxiety and depression, too. Drinking just made it so much worse, and the way I behaved when I was drunk just added to the never-ending list of things I hated about myself and my life. The good news is that having been sober 6 months, I now very rarely feel anxious or depressed, and when I do it is something I can cope with... I have learnt how to deal with those feelings rather than drink them away. You'll find that the intensity of your anxiety and depression will lessen almost immediately... give it a few weeks and you'll feel so much better.
Wishing you all the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Posts: 64
Originally Posted by MrsKing 
Welcome to SR
I used to suffer from crippling anxiety and depression, too. Drinking just made it so much worse, and the way I behaved when I was drunk just added to the never-ending list of things I hated about myself and my life. The good news is that having been sober 6 months, I now very rarely feel anxious or depressed, and when I do it is something I can cope with... I have learnt how to deal with those feelings rather than drink them away. You'll find that the intensity of your anxiety and depression will lessen almost immediately... give it a few weeks and you'll feel so much better.
Wishing you all the best.
I used to suffer from crippling anxiety and depression, too. Drinking just made it so much worse, and the way I behaved when I was drunk just added to the never-ending list of things I hated about myself and my life. The good news is that having been sober 6 months, I now very rarely feel anxious or depressed, and when I do it is something I can cope with... I have learnt how to deal with those feelings rather than drink them away. You'll find that the intensity of your anxiety and depression will lessen almost immediately... give it a few weeks and you'll feel so much better.
Wishing you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: In The Moment
Posts: 35
High five Thepa. I tried Zyban one time a few months ago, but a few weeks into it had a few beers too many. The excessive beer on top of the ani-depressant was a horrible combo. I flipped out. I feel much safer cold turkey. Luckily for me, I only smoked when I drank and only drank when I smoked. So both have to go but I see it as one in the same and not two separate problems. Best of luck. We got this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Originally Posted by krispy87
Thank you. I am hoping that is definitely going to be the case for me. And if the depression/anxiety does not leave entirely, at least I will be able to cope with it (like you said) in a different way and not add onto the already incapacitating feeling it can have over me.
it really will get easier. I'm not saying you're going to suddenly be walking on air and totally euphoric, but you will be in a much better place mentally to deal with anything that's going on. I don't know about you, but drinking took away a huge amount of my self-respect (I pretty much had none) and just building that up again has been a huge factor in lifting my depression. Not having the morning after's berating myself and believing I was better off dead took away a huge amount of negativity, too!
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