supportforme

I've been trying so hard to stay strong dealing with STBXAH. Initially, it was evident that he was working some form of recovery and the kids were definately enjoying the time they got to spend with both of us. Of course, this was short lived and the cycle continues. There are times where he is completely irrational. I can't even count how many times he has told me that he has a terminal disease or some form of medical condition. In the past 5 years, this man has said that he has brain tumors, kidney failure, worms under his skin, lupus, ms, he's needed bone marrow testing and most recently blood transfusion. None of these ailments have ever been proven and he's still going strong. He is currently supposedly on disability - not sure if it's b/c of his emotional state or a physical condiction. In the past, I believed him and went along for the ride. I'm in a different place now and I have been holding strong with my boundries. I continued to tell him that there is nothing I can do to help him. Last nite, after he spoke to the boys, I told him their sports schedule and he told me that he left the room in his mom's house and came back and all his clothes were thrown around and there was a picture of his deceased family members and a picture of Jesus. I said OK good nite. He then said that he needed to have a blood transfusion on Sat. He went on to say, I didn't tell you b/c you said that you can't help me. I said you're right - I can't. Hope everything works out OK for you. Good Nite. Today, started with a call at 3:00 from him telling me that he was not cleared to go back to work, he is going to loose his job so he cancelled his "blood transfusion" b/c he will not have medical insurance and he is handing in his car so it doesn't go into default. He parlayed that into telling me that they messed up his PTI and he now has to pay his lawyer more money for discovery b/c I told the federal agents that I suspected that he was on heroin and that he was involved with the hells angels. He then goes on to say he wants to thank me for telling lies about him and making his already miserable life worse. (Here's the truth - In May, I did suspect that he escalated to heroin and the officers asked me if I ever heard a name. I told them no. The federal agents told me that they believed that he was associated with a man that was part of hells angels.) So, I told him that I owe him a debth of gratitute as well for making the decision to take pills, becoming addicted, bringing the police to my door, then right into search my home, along with having federal agents interview me, and let's not forget being harrassed by a addicted go go dancer, putting me in a position to have my docter give me a physical for STDs, endangering the welfare and safety of both me and the children. I ended the call with - you are not stable and I'm concerned for my welfare because you are dillusional and need psychiatric help. Only speak to me through my lawyer. Do not come to this home. I will allow the children to call you daily with me on the phone to monitor the conversation. If you cannot maintain respect and speak to the boys of only healthy things, this will also end. Is there anyone else that has any experience with this craziness. My head is spinning just writing this post and I haven't even talked about all the crazy.

LoveMeNow

Wow, I am speechless. You did good and should be proud of yourself but something is very wrong with him.

laura802

You gotta love the irrational stuff - it's like trying to afgue with a three year old but 100 times worse. And you can't bribe him with a cookie.
I started pretending like I'm watching some insane movie or talk show when my husband gets going. I just watch and listen and marvel in my head how someone can act like this and not even seem to have any comprehension for what he is doing/saying.
My husband is at a homeless shelter tonight. It's so peaceful here. Even that blows my mind though. How do you take up a bed in a shelter when you have a nice home and family you can have and all you have to do is act like a human being? But he would rather wallow in self pity at a shelter than grow up and be civil.

FindingErica

It sounds like your boundaries are pretty strong and you are doing your best not to feed the crazy.

supportforme

Thanks for the support. It amazes me that they don't even realize that no one is engaging in their craziness. He told the boys the other day that he was late b/c there was a tornado. We live in NJ - That would be a major event. Nothing in the news The sun was shining. Our 7 year old asked him what state he was in. He continued to talk about his tornado, me and boys continued with a different conversation and he finally said - I guess no one else cares. He finally left. BTW - My mom drove the same road at the same time and she didn't see any tornadoes - ((laura)) be grateful for the peace. It is sad; but they are trapped. The best thing for us to do is remove ourselves to the extent we can. I watch GH and one of the characters has a ring tone that "crazy is calling" I'm going to get that just to entertain myself.

LoveMeNow

:rotfxko I am glad you still have your sense of humor!!

supportforme

It's part of my therapy - I also started listening to comedy on my way in and home from work. I want to live and laugh again. If I allow it to, my reality will bring me to my knees. So, I have started to laugh again and IT FEELS GOOD! I'm bringing the ME back. This disease takes so much from us that we loose so much of ourselves. Then again - maybe I'm the one that's crazy - I did laugh when my dishwasher overflowed too

supportforme

I spoke to my lawyer recently and told him of these instances along with him attempting to discuss the divorce with the kids. He tried and left when I asked him to leave. My lawyer advised me that since I currently do not have any proof of substantial facts other than bizarre examples, as it relates to the children, I have to allow them to talk to him as long as I monitor the calls and the children want to speak to him. He did tell me to document any other chaotic discussions or attempts so that we can begin to document facts.

I love Todd - he's my new favorite.

FindingErica

Supportfrme, mt sister the meth addict, has these bizarre delusions. Shes called to tell me all kinds of things. She is paranoid as heck. She went a year swearing she had cockroaches in her head, that they laid eggs in her ear canal and they were living in her brain, that their antennas were flashing in front of her eyes. She has some elaborate belief that he gov't has installed equipment on overpasses at send put signals making people behave rude. Its always some bizarre-o world thing happening. Reality makes no sense to her. Its very sad. It is hard to see a once normal human become the equizilant of the town crazy. I guess i am used to this level of crazy, having a schizophrenic mother. These types of delusions were par for the course. The best gift my dad gave me was he let me know that none of his was my fault and mom was very sick. I was allowed and even encouraged to let my dad and step mom know when something was amiss. Even still, no wonder it is hard for me to distinguish nomal from abnormal. My answer to my mom before she died, when i got these calls was "mom you are not talking about reality, we need to stick to real things or i have to end the conversation."

Faithlove

You are doing so well dealing with him!

You can't reason with the unreasonable.

Keep up your rock solid boundaries!!! You and your kids need and deserve them!

supportforme

Thank you for the support. I truly sympathize with anyone that does have a psychiatric problem. However, it amazes me how illogical he can be one day and completely normal the next. It's exhausting on top of everything else. At least I know not engaging with him works. So I need to keep focused.

LoveMeNow

Is he still working on his recovery? If you don't mind me asking!

supportforme

His words say that he is but I don't believe a word he says. There was a time early this year that I could tell he was embracing and working a program - his actions were beyond what I could have ever expected. Then slowly, the addictive thinking and behaviors began again. He initially was taking full responsibility, even sat down with the kids and said he had no right to do what he did to our family and none of this was your mom's fault. This was the 1st time in 5 years that he began behaving like a human being again. That was in May/June fast forward to 2 weeks ago, and he's telling the boys that their Mom is the reason why this family is destroyed b/c she is getting a divorce and then he told me that I'm the reason why his life is worse now. And, of course, on a monthly basis he claims to have some form of medical crisis, which is never confirmed.

broken101

I am sorry for what you are going through, I to have had I have a brain tumor thing and i don't have moeny for my inhailers, but you are doing the right thing, the most important is the well being of your kids and yourself. God bless.