Florence

I am supposed to go on a vacation this weekend with my family. This was planned months ago -- all the women in my family are meeting in a big city to get together for what will probably be the last time before my parents' generation is too old to travel. I was really looking forward to this. My aunt for example. With her health, this will probably be the last time I see her.

Prior to this, my AH was about to celebrate a year recovery, and he was going to stay home to watch the kids. No problem. But then he relapsed.

He is able to get long chunks of time under his belt and then disappears for a weekend to binge, then comes back "dedicated" to AA and recovery until he's not. He's currently staying with his parents at their house across town.

I had written off the possibility of going on this trip. Cancelled the PTO for work and told my family to cancel my reservations. Long story short, nobody cancelled anything. These plane tickets are still here, I still have a bed in Big City, and now my family is really bugging me to come. I'm having a weak moment today where I feel so drained and just want a break from the madness. I haven't been out of town on any kind of real vacation for 5 years, and before that... not really ever. This is a once in a lifetime thing.

The catch is that someone has to watch the baby. My son is staying somewhere else for the weekend for unrelated plans. But the only people who could watch the baby are my in-laws. Where my AH is staying. He's supposedly not drinking, and he's still working, and he's trying to get back on track after this last relapse. My in-laws told me that if he drinks, he's out. But I really don't want to leave the baby there with them, knowing how difficult it has been for them to say no to my AH in general. I had a conversation with them about this last weekend, and they assured me that if it came down to it, they'd make him leave and that her safety comes first.

I don't know what to think. I'm getting it from all sides. I want to take this vacation, but I want my baby to be safe more than that.

Even worse, I have about 48 hours to make up my mind. Any thoughts to consider? Advice?

fedup3

I can't tell you Florence what to do but if it were me I'd go on vacation. Sometimes getting away can make you think clearer and it gives you some needed peace to regain strength, emotionally and physically.

LGLG1015

It is ultimately your choice but if I were you I would go on vacation. You can always come home if you need to right? Chances are everything will be fine and your baby will be fine with your in-laws. There was a reason your travel plans weren't canceled!

MsPINKAcres

I think you have to answer a few questions for yourself. . .

How well can you trust your in-laws? Do you believe they will protect your baby?

If you do go, can you go & relax, enjoy the time away
or
will you be in a constant state of worry, making yourself and those around unhappy?

will it be one of those things that if you don't go ~ you will hold it as a resentment against your AH for many years to come?

I only ask these questions because I have been in a similiar situation ~ what worked for me was to work out the safest situation I could for my children and then have a Plan B so that I could always come home if I needed to ~

Whatever you choose - I hope that you are able to have a peace about it ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Hypatia

Perhaps a dumb idea, but maybe take baby along?

jayscott

This is one of those dilemmas that only people on these forums would ever even think about...I used to have to travel for work, and was constantly trying to figure out what was safe / not safe, what's a reasonable risk and what's an unreasonable one.

I agree with above comments about "can you trust your in-laws" though. My XAW was staying with her parents after a bad relapse and I had a week trip I needed to take. The in-laws were the only option available, so it was either don't go or go while putting trust in the in-laws. I ended up going, and there ended up being an incident while I was gone, but the in-laws did the right thing.

Florence

Hey folks, thanks for your input. I decided I'm not going. There's too much up in the air, she's too young, and this is a pleasure vacation and not a necessary event. If I went I'd bo so tied up in knots I couldn't enjoy myself.

Instead, I am going to think up something fun and inexpensive to do with the baby this weekend and we will do that.

MamaKit

Florence,
I think it is lovely that you will have some peaceful time that is just for your sweet baby girl and you. This is my favorite time of year (in the Northeast) and I remember the joy of taking simple leisurely walks through the park in the crisp autumn air when my first born was just a baby. Those memories bring up such happy feelings. I hope that you make similar sustaining memories this weekend with your little one.
Hugs,
MamaKit

MsPINKAcres

a mommie & me weekend - how pinkfantabulous!!

if you can make a special memory book/photos of it for her - she will treasure it forever as so will you!!

PINK HUGS!
Rita

mfanch

BTDT. I ended up taking my babies (yes, more than one). It was a blast. The older and/or sicker family members could visit and spend time with the littles one last time and I got a little rest. It was a win-win. Everyone helped me take care of them. I had to wrest them away from auntie and gramma!! That vacation is one of my fondest memories.

I would go.....

Tuffgirl

Hi Florence, sounds as if you made a decision you feel comfortable with. I think that's the most important thing...that we feel good about our decisions.

fedup3

Florence, it sounds like a better vacation than the one planned and you're right the colors this time of year is just breathtaking!