justrae83

My step dad over the weekend got drunk ONCE AGAIN like he always does..and punched out my 16 year old sisters BF. Come to find out my step dad gave both my sister and her BF drinks as well, it got heated and my step dad punched him out. The cops were called and when i went to check on my mom...she said she is going to stay with him. Sigh.

I totally see y my mom would, she is afraid to be alone but it made me sad because she is so much better then that. He calls her a bitch and a ***** and every name in the book. My mother is a beautiful women... can anyone tell me besides not being alone, why us women stay.

My ex was NEVER EVER EVER mean to me in anyway he just stumbled around and I left. Let alone if he emotionally and verbally abused me. I stayed for years before walking away...i was afraid i was giving up on him and afraid i was gonna be alone and never find love again...but what else>?

ZiggyB

Fear of being alone is a big one... it kept me in a useless marriage for way too long.

I think also we suspect we deserve the bad treatment somehow or we have low self-esteem and think nobody else will love us. It's pretty sad when you think about it.

angelwithhorns

For me it was the hope that if I just loved him enough, he would change. I kept waiting and waiting for his "rock bottom" and each time an incident happened I thought, "finally this will be his rock bottom" but it never was. It was also some misguided emotions, I felt like if I left then I had failed. I realize now, I have not failed and that leaving was the best thing I could have done (even though it was extremely hard) for myself and my kids.

SparkleKitty

My father stayed with my angry and alcoholic mother, defended and protected her, often at the expense of his children's emotional health. We were told not to make her angry, not to point out when she was wrong, not to argue...to be perfect. I don't know why he did it; I suspect he believed there was something he could do to make her happy, if only he could figure it out. It took me a long time to get out from under the weight of their addict/co-dependent relationship. I wish I had been able to see it for what it was when I might have been able to help him see it, but I didn't. I don't know that it would have made a difference anyway. I think he stayed because he just couldn't let go of the hope he could change her.

MsPINKAcres

I hate so much you & your family are going thru this much pain ~

why we stay or why we stayed as long as we did - there could be a million answers to that question ~ but please never give up hope that one day the pain & fear of changing will over come the pain & fear of the life she lives and she will seek another way ~ (it did for me after almost 17 yrs)

PINK HUGS for all,
Rita

justrae83

I spoke to my mom and she said you cant help how the heart feels, you want what you want... she said she is willing to put up with it all so she can feel loved. But leaving would make her feel loved, not staying.

fluffyflea

Yes but she doesn/t know that. She hasn/t hit HER bottom yet. Us codies have our own bottoms to hit not just the A/s.

Synfull Vyxun

My A mother said, 'I don't want to be one of those women that's had two failed marriages' so she would rather put up with abuse from my step dad, only problem is, my step dad hardly drinks, he is just a total control freak, who caught my mother drunkenly cheating on him 9 months ago, twice, he left, but is still trying to get back with her, she is seeing another man as well but denies it to the step dad. I want to show him the video proof I have but have been told not to get involved or tell him anything, I hate cheaters and want to make him wake up to himself, her and the whole situation , I am only stressing myself out more and it's not my relationship.
So I don't know why we stay, it baffles me, I have been in violent relationships, but not for long, I got myself outta there quickly. My mother tells me how proud she is of me that I'm able to do this for myself, but she just can't manage to do it herself.

dollydo

Baffles me too, insecurity, fear of being alone or?

I have read that most women base their self esteem on having a man, men base theirs on having a rewarding career.

It also has been noted that women confuse being needed with being loved and that the emotionally immature woman does not have the skills or experience to cope with reality and has no clue as to what bounderies are.

Finally, that a womens primeval urge is so strong when it comes to having a male provider, and, thus she overlooks anything and everything and never works on a career of her own. She wants to stay dependent on a man, she does not want to provide for herself.

Just some "stuff" I have read!

Titanic

Because we may believe that love conquers all.

Because we may not like abandoning stray puppies.

Because we may think this is what "helping another person" requires.

Because we may want to honor our commitment, vow or word.

Because of our children.

Because of possessions or money maybe.

Because of the good things we see.

Because we may want to save face.

Because we may think, by God, I can fix this.

Because we want a happy ending to this story.

Confetti

For me, I stayed because I loved him. Because I felt that saying "I do" was a lifelong vow and to leave wasn't what I signed on for. Because he needed help and what kind of wife am I if I abandon him when he needs me most. But once the vows were broken and I found out he cheated, that was all I needed to walk away.