Two Addicts, two stories
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: DeKalb
Posts: 1
Two Addicts, two stories
Hi All-- I'm new here! I'd like to share a little about my two different stories and am hoping for some advice, guidance, and support.
Let's start with my RF: Dad had an epiphany 18 months ago. He realized that he couldn't quit drinking without help, so he went and got it. His drinking never really affected me, as I had already moved out of the house by the time it got bad. He was a closet drinker, even keeping from my mother how much he was drinking. He didn't get violent or out of control.. just wanted to wind down at the end of the day. Drinking was his escape, but it turned into being his priority. Recovery is not easy for him. One day at a time. I'm very proud of him. We've been to therapy as a family, and he goes to meetings 3+ times/week. He's doing great.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I have my A FIL. He has been sober for 6 months, although it was never a choice for him. He had a medical emergency that forced him to detox and has not had a drink since. He maintains that he is not an alcoholic, and that he has absolutely NO cravings. He does not attend meetings, and he has no support structure outside of me and my husband. Last night, he voiced his desire to have a beer at Thanksgiving. Yes, this is a way's away-- but the fact that he's thinking about it this far out has me concerned. His entire life has been a struggle to maintain control over how much he drank. In recent years, he was drinking 1 - 1.5 fifths of booze a day. Now he wants to have "just one" beer.
I know that all addicts are different, but will he ever be able to have just one ever again? I'm afraid for his health, I'm afraid for my own sanity. I don't know how I would react if he relapses. Anyone willing to share their story about relapse?
Let's start with my RF: Dad had an epiphany 18 months ago. He realized that he couldn't quit drinking without help, so he went and got it. His drinking never really affected me, as I had already moved out of the house by the time it got bad. He was a closet drinker, even keeping from my mother how much he was drinking. He didn't get violent or out of control.. just wanted to wind down at the end of the day. Drinking was his escape, but it turned into being his priority. Recovery is not easy for him. One day at a time. I'm very proud of him. We've been to therapy as a family, and he goes to meetings 3+ times/week. He's doing great.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I have my A FIL. He has been sober for 6 months, although it was never a choice for him. He had a medical emergency that forced him to detox and has not had a drink since. He maintains that he is not an alcoholic, and that he has absolutely NO cravings. He does not attend meetings, and he has no support structure outside of me and my husband. Last night, he voiced his desire to have a beer at Thanksgiving. Yes, this is a way's away-- but the fact that he's thinking about it this far out has me concerned. His entire life has been a struggle to maintain control over how much he drank. In recent years, he was drinking 1 - 1.5 fifths of booze a day. Now he wants to have "just one" beer.
I know that all addicts are different, but will he ever be able to have just one ever again? I'm afraid for his health, I'm afraid for my own sanity. I don't know how I would react if he relapses. Anyone willing to share their story about relapse?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 378
Relapse is usually a part of recovery. It's not always an instant success.
People get sober in different ways. There is nothing you can really do if he wants a beer. I would simply give him huge props for his sobriety right now, let him know how proud of him the family is and be very supportive.
If he starts talking about wanting some support, he could try AA. Lots of healthy support there.
People get sober in different ways. There is nothing you can really do if he wants a beer. I would simply give him huge props for his sobriety right now, let him know how proud of him the family is and be very supportive.
If he starts talking about wanting some support, he could try AA. Lots of healthy support there.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Relapse IS PART OF ADDICTION.
That is a phrase from rehabs, not AA.
Your AFIL is 'white knuckling' his abstinence. There is nothing about recovery in what
he is doing.
What you can do for YOU is try some AlAnon meetings, which will help you a lot in working on you and setting YOUR BOUNDARIES for you. Please try at least 6 different meetings to see if one might fit you or not.
AlAnon will also help you about how you act and react with both your father and your AFIL. Should he bring it up again, a simple response is:
"No, that is not a good idea."
or
"No, not in our house, no drinking here."
And then, change the topic of conversation. Any time he brings it up, become a 'broken
record' and just repeat one or the other of the above statements and change the subject. You and your hubby have NO CONTROL over his not drinking or your father's recovery.
Should your AFIL ever ASK for help, you can give him a list of local AA meetings, and/or the names of several Addiction counselors in your area, and/or some Rehabs in your area and then back away. He will either make a phone call or two or three or he won't. That is something the alcoholic should really do for themselves.
Please check out and read the 'stickys' at the top of this forum, also do some more reading around the forum. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
That is a phrase from rehabs, not AA.
Your AFIL is 'white knuckling' his abstinence. There is nothing about recovery in what
he is doing.
What you can do for YOU is try some AlAnon meetings, which will help you a lot in working on you and setting YOUR BOUNDARIES for you. Please try at least 6 different meetings to see if one might fit you or not.
AlAnon will also help you about how you act and react with both your father and your AFIL. Should he bring it up again, a simple response is:
"No, that is not a good idea."
or
"No, not in our house, no drinking here."
And then, change the topic of conversation. Any time he brings it up, become a 'broken
record' and just repeat one or the other of the above statements and change the subject. You and your hubby have NO CONTROL over his not drinking or your father's recovery.
Should your AFIL ever ASK for help, you can give him a list of local AA meetings, and/or the names of several Addiction counselors in your area, and/or some Rehabs in your area and then back away. He will either make a phone call or two or three or he won't. That is something the alcoholic should really do for themselves.
Please check out and read the 'stickys' at the top of this forum, also do some more reading around the forum. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
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