sadnconfused

I just found out that my husband of 5 years is addicted to hydrocodone. I feel so stupid & naieve because i knew he was taking them on occasion and had access to them from guys at work but i never dreamed they were a problem for him. Why? Because every time i said something he convinced me it was fine. My husband was diagnosed with crohns 2 yrs ago & was prescribed hydrocodone for his pain. At first he took them as prescrib3d but then i noticed his prescriptions being used well before time for a refill. When i asked him he would say he had to up his dose bc his pain increased & like an idiot i believed him & gave him benefit of the doubt. I mean i didnt know what kind of physical pain he was dealing with. Now 2yrs later by the grace of God i have discovered he is addicted. See 4 weeks ago i fell and twisted both my ankles. Dr gave me a Rx for 10mg hydrocodones, 60 of them. Im not a big pain pill person so i broke them in half & took maybe 3 entire pills over the course of 1 week. One morning i happened to notice my pill bottle looked half empty so i counted the pills. There were 38 left & i had only had them for a week. And again i maybe took 3 whole pills 4 at most. I asked my husband if he took them & he said no...why would i do that? I said idk thats why im asking but i do know that somebody took them bc theres no way i took that many pills. I ended up telling him i thre them away when really i just hid them. This was 3 days after i asked him. He blew up & said i was stupid bc he could've gotten at least @200 for them & blah blah blah! My response was why do u care so much if u didnt take them & then he fessed up. I have no idea how to handle this. All i do is cry. He says he doesnt have a problem when clearly he does or he wouldnt have stole them & then lied about it. I asked him if he would be interested in getting help & he said no bc he doesnt need it. I told his mom & she defended his use bc of his pain & said she didnt agree with him lying to me but that i had lied to him before & all that mattered is he ended up telling me the truth. He acts like nothing is wrong & doesnt understand why i cry all the time & why im so upset. I tried talking to him about it tonight & he said im over-reacting & its not near as serious as i think & then the next sentence out of his mouth was i took them from u bc its the only thing that helps me feel normal & helps me function throughout the day. I was flabbergasted that he said that & then still denied having a problem. I know i cant help him but what can i do to keep my sanity and not fall into a depression. We have 3 small girls, almost 5, 2 & 6mos. I want to be strong for them but i dont want to let him walk all over me. Im going to try to turn this over to God but its so hard not to want to ask him about it or let him know how bad its hurting me etc. I feel so helpless & used & betrayed. Please help. Thank u!

Impurrfect

((sadnconfused)) - Welcome to SR, though I'm so sorry for what has brought you here. FWIW, I'm both a recovering addict (RA) and I have loved ones who are/were still using (recovering codependent). I've been on both sides of the addiction fence, and I seriously think it's harder being the loved one.

When he said he needs the pills to feel normal then denies he has a problem? He's in denial. Addiction is strong and can convince a person of anything. So can codependency.

When I first got here, I read through a gazillion posts, the "stickies" - permanent posts at the top of this forum. I found out I was not alone, and neither are you.

I would recommend you get the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. She, too, is both an RA and a recovering codie.

I'm NOT saying you are codependent. I am saying that dealing with addiction turns your whole world upside down, and the things we normally do (support) are suddenly not a good thing. I'm saying that you need to take care of you and your kids...no matter what he does. Honestly? I'd be socking money away before he blows it all on pills.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

laurie6781

(((((sadnconfused)))))

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I am glad you found us, but sorry for why it was
necessary.

We have a great forum "Friends and Family of Substance Abusers":

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Please come join us. There is a lot of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H)
from folks who hae been where you are, or are where you are.

Looking forward to seeing you on the F&F forum.

Love and hugsa,

silly

So sorry. I suggest counseling if you can. It'll help you work out what you want to do. You can't help him but you can help sort out yourself.

What worried me was his comment about being able to get money for the pills. Where is he getting his money for pills? Is he selling?

Also try posting in the Friends and Family section on this site. You'll find good help there. Best wishes.

Uninvited

I'm sorry to hear about this. I am also worried that he mentioned he could have sold the pills. That suggests he may have done that before.

I don't think you can ever convince an addict to stop doing using. They need to convince themselves that they need to stop or there will be bad consequences. How you react could cause some of those consequences. There's no guarantee though that he will react in the way that you hope.