Sobriety: Day 1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 7
Sobriety: Day 1
This is my first post here. I searched for a site like this because I know I need help. Desperately.
I left work yesterday and started to drink around 6:30 PM. I woke up this morning on the ground in an alley. As if that wasn't scary and humiliating enough, my work bag which contained my phone and several expensive items was gone. Fortunately, the belongings in my pockets were still with me, but I don't feel like my dignity is.
This is obviously pathetic and dangerous, but what makes matter so much worse is that I have a wife and young child at home. I'm so disgusted with myself that I've been holding back tears all day thinking about the type of husband and father that I am. Hell, I'm basically crying while typing this right now. I've heard people mention hitting rock bottom, and I feel that's where I am right now.
I don't want to be that guy who wakes up in alleys drunk (who does, right?). I've told myself before that I was going to stop drinking due to similar, but lesser, episodes. Well, I really mean it this time. I know that I make some of the worst decisions ever when drunk, and I don't want to do that anymore.
I searched and saw that there is an AA meeting by where I work. I intend to go before work Monday morning.
What I want to know is whether you believe that AA is undoubtedly the best road toward sobriety, and I'd like to know what other steps you think are important for somebody who is in the early stages of turning their life around?
Please help.
I left work yesterday and started to drink around 6:30 PM. I woke up this morning on the ground in an alley. As if that wasn't scary and humiliating enough, my work bag which contained my phone and several expensive items was gone. Fortunately, the belongings in my pockets were still with me, but I don't feel like my dignity is.
This is obviously pathetic and dangerous, but what makes matter so much worse is that I have a wife and young child at home. I'm so disgusted with myself that I've been holding back tears all day thinking about the type of husband and father that I am. Hell, I'm basically crying while typing this right now. I've heard people mention hitting rock bottom, and I feel that's where I am right now.
I don't want to be that guy who wakes up in alleys drunk (who does, right?). I've told myself before that I was going to stop drinking due to similar, but lesser, episodes. Well, I really mean it this time. I know that I make some of the worst decisions ever when drunk, and I don't want to do that anymore.
I searched and saw that there is an AA meeting by where I work. I intend to go before work Monday morning.
What I want to know is whether you believe that AA is undoubtedly the best road toward sobriety, and I'd like to know what other steps you think are important for somebody who is in the early stages of turning their life around?
Please help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 1,072
Hi Guy, you have taken the first step and admitted you have a problem. Its also wonderful that you are here on SR posting. The is tons of support here. SR started with me on my sober life and it was the only thing that kept me sober for the first 6 months.
After that I felt I needed face to face support. I joined AA. It has been a huge support too.
Keep reading and posting. Go to AA and try it. Get all the help you need. Don't do it alone. Have you spoke to your wife?
There is great support here.
After that I felt I needed face to face support. I joined AA. It has been a huge support too.
Keep reading and posting. Go to AA and try it. Get all the help you need. Don't do it alone. Have you spoke to your wife?
There is great support here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by GuySmiley 
What I want to know is whether you believe that AA is undoubtedly the best road toward sobriety, and I'd like to know what other steps you think are important for somebody who is in the early stages of turning their life around?
Please help.
Please help.
Your First AA Meeting<
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Hi Guy 
I think stopping drinking and not putting yourself in those situations anymore is probably the most important step.
There's a lot of support around to help you do that - AA's one of the most accessible means of support, and it's saved many of my friends lives.
There are other recovery options, but I think, for now at least, going to a meeting would be a great move forward
Joining us is a great step forward too - welcome!
D
I think stopping drinking and not putting yourself in those situations anymore is probably the most important step.
There's a lot of support around to help you do that - AA's one of the most accessible means of support, and it's saved many of my friends lives.
There are other recovery options, but I think, for now at least, going to a meeting would be a great move forward
Joining us is a great step forward too - welcome!
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Tres
Have you spoke to your wife?
Losing the bag is huge. My bag also contained checks that I was to desposit into our account that I wouldn't feel right asking the people we recived the checks from to cut another. It's about a $2500 loss that I'm going to have to explain to her. I don't know how I can even begin to explain that, especially considering that we could really use that money for our child.
Oh, God, I am such a loser.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 100
The way that you felt this morning and the way you feel now . . .You never have to feel this way again.
I am not trying to be funny when I say that the absolute best road to sobriety is to not pick up that first drink. There's no reason, no excuse, no justification- there is nothing for you at the bottom of that glass that will help you get down that road.
Of course, as everyone here knows, that is easier said than done. My recommendation is to keep an open mind about any and all recovery methods and programs. The ones that work for you are the best ones.
Educate yourself about alcoholism. Learn from others who have been where you are and have found a way out. A.A. has been great for me on many levels. In the beginning you will at least meet people who can understand exactly how you feel and will welcome you in.
Above all you must take action, sobriety will just not appear in your life. It will take effort. You will never regret it.
I am not trying to be funny when I say that the absolute best road to sobriety is to not pick up that first drink. There's no reason, no excuse, no justification- there is nothing for you at the bottom of that glass that will help you get down that road.
Of course, as everyone here knows, that is easier said than done. My recommendation is to keep an open mind about any and all recovery methods and programs. The ones that work for you are the best ones.
Educate yourself about alcoholism. Learn from others who have been where you are and have found a way out. A.A. has been great for me on many levels. In the beginning you will at least meet people who can understand exactly how you feel and will welcome you in.
Above all you must take action, sobriety will just not appear in your life. It will take effort. You will never regret it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: DC area
Posts: 31
Hi Guy, welcome
I am new here too. I hit rock bottom, stopped cold turkey and found this forum. Trust me, everyone here is so wonderful and supportive. I did not know how I could ever go into a meeting full of strangers and admitting I have a problem. People here encouraged me and during the first meeting I said hi, this is my first meeting and everybody made me feel so comfortable. After a few meetings I can actually talk and share now without sobbing.
If you think this is your time to stop then do it. I dont know much about the physical dependency or chemical, I should say but if you have the willpower you can do it. But it is easier if you ask for help.
I am new here too. I hit rock bottom, stopped cold turkey and found this forum. Trust me, everyone here is so wonderful and supportive. I did not know how I could ever go into a meeting full of strangers and admitting I have a problem. People here encouraged me and during the first meeting I said hi, this is my first meeting and everybody made me feel so comfortable. After a few meetings I can actually talk and share now without sobbing.
If you think this is your time to stop then do it. I dont know much about the physical dependency or chemical, I should say but if you have the willpower you can do it. But it is easier if you ask for help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
I'm so sorry about how you are feeling, Guy. I mean this in a good way: you aren't the first person here at SR who woke up in an alley and I'm certain you won't be the last. My point is, you have found a community of people who relate to your experience and struggle - you are not alone.
I woke up one morning after a raging bender at a casino and my very expensive wedding/engagement ring was not on my finger. I had MAJOR meltdown and experienced sheer terror. I was there with a female friend and not my husband and all I could think about was what I would tell him. I had a blackout and no memory of the end of the night so no clue what would have happened that I'd lose it. Well, apparently drunk me thought it was a fantastic idea to remove my rings and hide them in the chair of the hotel room. I found this out only after tearing the room apart and crying hysterically for some divine intervention. Once I found it, and the panic subsided, I SWORE I would never, ever drink again.
Guess what? I did. For a year on and off after that episode. Yes, this is a real, terrifying disease that gets worse and robs us of our dignity, self-respect and personal belongings sometimes. It is insidious and deadly and surprisingly devious.
I finally had enough on my 40th birthday this past month and I've committed to sobriety. It is my only way out of what I know would become a horrific private hell. It is ours for the taking if we want it ... I think a meeting is a great idea and learning as much as you can about alcoholism is a key factor so you have a deep understanding of what you are up against. It is scary...but you can do it!!!
Take your life back. It is the only one you've got and too precious to give up - especially for your wife and son. You will find tons of support and understanding here and in the rooms of AA...and most importantly, no judgement. I wish you strength and courage as you undertake your own personal journey. Keep posting and remember, you ARE worth it.
I woke up one morning after a raging bender at a casino and my very expensive wedding/engagement ring was not on my finger. I had MAJOR meltdown and experienced sheer terror. I was there with a female friend and not my husband and all I could think about was what I would tell him. I had a blackout and no memory of the end of the night so no clue what would have happened that I'd lose it. Well, apparently drunk me thought it was a fantastic idea to remove my rings and hide them in the chair of the hotel room. I found this out only after tearing the room apart and crying hysterically for some divine intervention. Once I found it, and the panic subsided, I SWORE I would never, ever drink again.
Guess what? I did. For a year on and off after that episode. Yes, this is a real, terrifying disease that gets worse and robs us of our dignity, self-respect and personal belongings sometimes. It is insidious and deadly and surprisingly devious.
I finally had enough on my 40th birthday this past month and I've committed to sobriety. It is my only way out of what I know would become a horrific private hell. It is ours for the taking if we want it ... I think a meeting is a great idea and learning as much as you can about alcoholism is a key factor so you have a deep understanding of what you are up against. It is scary...but you can do it!!!
Take your life back. It is the only one you've got and too precious to give up - especially for your wife and son. You will find tons of support and understanding here and in the rooms of AA...and most importantly, no judgement. I wish you strength and courage as you undertake your own personal journey. Keep posting and remember, you ARE worth it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by GuySmiley
I told her that I didn't want to drive home so I stayed at my friends place. I don't know whether she believes that or she thinks I shacked up with some random woman (which I didn't). But I definitely didn't tell her where I woke up, nor did I tell her that I lost my bag with my personal belongings.
Losing the bag is huge. My bag also contained checks that I was to desposit into our account that I wouldn't feel right asking the people we recived the checks from to cut another. It's about a $2500 loss that I'm going to have to explain to her. I don't know how I can even begin to explain that, especially considering that we could really use that money for our child.
Oh, God, I am such a loser.
Losing the bag is huge. My bag also contained checks that I was to desposit into our account that I wouldn't feel right asking the people we recived the checks from to cut another. It's about a $2500 loss that I'm going to have to explain to her. I don't know how I can even begin to explain that, especially considering that we could really use that money for our child.
Oh, God, I am such a loser.
AA is NOT scary at all once you're in a meeting. Nobody's going to pressure you to tell your alcohol life story or anything. Just deciding to go and driving there is by far the worst part.
Could you go to a meeting tomorrow, and come home and tell your wife where you just were, and then admit the waking up in an ally thing?
WRT effectiveness...I think it's almost 100% effective if you're serious about quitting, for good. Yes, you have to go to a meeting every day for a while, which is a PITA. But it does work.
Not everyone who goes 100% agrees with the dogma of AA, but just going for the fellowship is enough for many/most.
If you're an atheist/agnostic, check this out, too:
(can't post links yet apparently....google "AVRT")
That's really effective, too, but I HIGHLY suggest going to AA for a good long while. EVERY DAY.
And you're not a loser. (((hugs)))
An honestly crappy father and husband wouldn't be freaking out and making a firm decision to make better choices from now on like you are.
If you start having the shakes or other medical symptoms, RUN to a doctor to see if you need medical detox. Withdrawl can be deadly, but a lot of people don't need medical detox. But some do.
It's going to be ok.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Guy!
You're not a loser. You're just like us. In fact, There is no such thing as a loser around here, just people who haven't figured out how to stay sober yet. I say try it all until you find the combination that works for you.
If we can do it, so can you - Keep reading and posting!
You're not a loser. You're just like us. In fact, There is no such thing as a loser around here, just people who haven't figured out how to stay sober yet. I say try it all until you find the combination that works for you.
If we can do it, so can you - Keep reading and posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Athena1
Could you go to a meeting tomorrow, and come home and tell your wife where you just were, and then admit the waking up in an ally thing?
I'm not going to tell her about the alley, though. Losing your bag drunk is one thing, waking up in an alley drunk is a whole another level. I want to keep that from her.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by GuySmiley
I just told my wife about the lost checks. She's pretty depressed. Seeing how depressed she is just makes me more committed to sobriety.
I'm not going to tell her about the alley, though. Losing your bag drunk is one thing, waking up in an alley drunk is a whole another level. I want to keep that from her.
I'm not going to tell her about the alley, though. Losing your bag drunk is one thing, waking up in an alley drunk is a whole another level. I want to keep that from her.
Every relationship is unique, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt.
But I think relationship do best with a rule of radical honesty.
But she'll probably be more sympathetic if you tell her after you get back from a meeting tomorrow (and unless you live in the middle of nowhere, there will be a meeting in your city tomorrow.)
Just my opinion (although I feel strongly about it.)
As a wife, I'd rather know the truth (especially after hearing that my husband just got back from an AA meeting and with a plan to go to one every day) than wonder if he was sleeping with some woman overnight.
I might be different from other wives though (but I'm skeptical that I'm unusual in this regard.)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Welcome to SR Guy, you will find a ton of support here and I am really glad you found us I am very early in my sobriety for like the 4th time but I am really working the AA program now and it has been a huge help. Everyone's recovery is different so read a lot on here, do some research and you will find what works best for you. You don't ever have to go thru something like this again, keep us posted.
I am very early in my sobriety for like the 4th time but I am really working the AA program now and it has been a huge help. Everyone's recovery is different so read a lot on here, do some research and you will find what works best for you. You don't ever have to go thru something like this again, keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Hi Guy,
I am so sorry for what you're going though but really proud you are reaching out for help and have admitted to having a problem.
I am an alcoholic and my ex was an addict. So I know what it's like to be in both your position as well as your wife's position and I recommend honestly, when you're ready. It's important she understands just how serious this is and keeping things from her will just make you feel worse. And it hurts more when your significant other keeps things from you...
I will say that as much as my ex has hurt me and broken my heart and trust by getting arrested and using I truly do believe he is sorry. He like you has said how much he wants to be a better man and I know when you say that you mean it and I bet your wife does too.
But it's going to take effort to BE better. You're going to need to want that more then you want to drink and some days that isn't easy. I've hurt so many people because of my drinking and yet I still continued to find a way to justify it to say "Oh this time will be different" but it never it.
Time goes on, your forget about what a low point you were at (like you waking up in ally) and you think maybe I was wrong I've gone X number of days without drinking, maybe I can control it this time, I always get caught up in that trap.
It's so important to remember how you feel now and to commit to stay sober. If AA isn't for you there are other options. I recommend giving it more than one chance however because every meeting is different and you may find one that suites you better.
Telling your wife was a huge step. Remember this is difficult for her too. Maybe suggest she attend Al Anon?
I am so sorry for what you're going though but really proud you are reaching out for help and have admitted to having a problem.
I am an alcoholic and my ex was an addict. So I know what it's like to be in both your position as well as your wife's position and I recommend honestly, when you're ready. It's important she understands just how serious this is and keeping things from her will just make you feel worse. And it hurts more when your significant other keeps things from you...
I will say that as much as my ex has hurt me and broken my heart and trust by getting arrested and using I truly do believe he is sorry. He like you has said how much he wants to be a better man and I know when you say that you mean it and I bet your wife does too.
But it's going to take effort to BE better. You're going to need to want that more then you want to drink and some days that isn't easy. I've hurt so many people because of my drinking and yet I still continued to find a way to justify it to say "Oh this time will be different" but it never it.
Time goes on, your forget about what a low point you were at (like you waking up in ally) and you think maybe I was wrong I've gone X number of days without drinking, maybe I can control it this time, I always get caught up in that trap.
It's so important to remember how you feel now and to commit to stay sober. If AA isn't for you there are other options. I recommend giving it more than one chance however because every meeting is different and you may find one that suites you better.
Telling your wife was a huge step. Remember this is difficult for her too. Maybe suggest she attend Al Anon?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 25
About this:
"My bag also contained checks that I was to desposit into our account that I wouldn't feel right asking the people we recived the checks from to cut another. It's about a $2500 loss that I'm going to have to explain to her. I don't know how I can even begin to explain that, especially considering that we could really use that money for our child."
If I were you, I'd tell the truth to my wife/(husband) but lie my ass off to get the checks re-cut. I'd say they were stolen out of my car in the bag or something. (And to be fair, the bag probably has been stolen by this point.)
"My bag also contained checks that I was to desposit into our account that I wouldn't feel right asking the people we recived the checks from to cut another. It's about a $2500 loss that I'm going to have to explain to her. I don't know how I can even begin to explain that, especially considering that we could really use that money for our child."
If I were you, I'd tell the truth to my wife/(husband) but lie my ass off to get the checks re-cut. I'd say they were stolen out of my car in the bag or something. (And to be fair, the bag probably has been stolen by this point.)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
PS- I think it's important you tell your wife about the checks. In the end the lies hurt so much more...it's lie that ruin a relationship. Make you not be able to trust someone...honesty is so important. I know it seems scary but... what makes me angriest about my ex is that he wasn't honest. I understand it's in our nature to lie that it's easier to do so and that we get accustomed to lying especially about drinking but I think in this case it's important to be honest. If I was your wife I'd want that. I wish my ex has been as much as it would have hurt to hear it, it would have hurt less then the lies. Just something to keep in mind.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by FenwayFaithful
PS- I think it's important you tell your wife about the checks. In the end the lies hurt so much more...it's lie that ruin a relationship. Make you not be able to trust someone...honesty is so important. I know it seems scary but... what makes me angriest about my ex is that he wasn't honest. I understand it's in our nature to lie that it's easier to do so and that we get accustomed to lying especially about drinking but I think in this case it's important to be honest. If I was your wife I'd want that. I wish my ex has been as much as it would have hurt to hear it, it would have hurt less then the lies. Just something to keep in mind.
This.
My only qualification is that I think it'll hurt less if you tell her after getting back from your first AA meeting, so she'll know you're serious about this being the end (wake up call, whatever) of all of that nasty stuff that is now the past.
Also, AA has a bunch of 24 hour hotlines if you start freaking out.
AA hotline - Google Search
Doesn't matter if it's not your city's hotline. They will be incredibly helpful and understanding and talk you through stuff no matter where you are.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 111
Oh my God, I'm so sorry that happened to you.
The important thing is that you're here and ready for a change. I've been to a couple AA meetings and it's been very helpful to be around people like us, telling their stories. I haven't read the Big Book of AA yet, so I don't know if it's going to be something I live by, but it'll definitely help you.
This site is also very very helpful. Everyone here is so supportive and if you're going through anything at all, you can come post here with no judgement.
Also, you are not a loser. We've all experienced things similar to that. Try and look on the bright side and be thankful you're alive.
The important thing is that you're here and ready for a change. I've been to a couple AA meetings and it's been very helpful to be around people like us, telling their stories. I haven't read the Big Book of AA yet, so I don't know if it's going to be something I live by, but it'll definitely help you.
This site is also very very helpful. Everyone here is so supportive and if you're going through anything at all, you can come post here with no judgement.
Also, you are not a loser. We've all experienced things similar to that. Try and look on the bright side and be thankful you're alive.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Welcome Guy
Good on you for taking the first step-coming on here is great.there is so much support and you will gain strength,hope and support from other peoples' stories.
the shame you feel will pass in time.just concentrate on not drinking today and getting yourself better.good luck
Good on you for taking the first step-coming on here is great.there is so much support and you will gain strength,hope and support from other peoples' stories.
the shame you feel will pass in time.just concentrate on not drinking today and getting yourself better.good luck
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