Choppersled

I work with a friend part time that I have known for 6 years. In that time I may have had 5-6 beers with him total. He lives far enough away from my house that I don't feel comfortable drinking and driving home. Tonight he offered me a beer and I told him that I have given up drinking and that was not public knowledge. He thought that was great and he started pounding beers. He brought it to my attention (in front of his neighbor and mutual friend) that my hands were trembling while I was finishing a project. I guess he found it amusing. All I could do was glare at him. He got a little drunker and kept offering me beers, but I don't think it was meant to be malicious. I am going to talk to him in the morning and remind him when I tell him something in confidence it needs to stay that way and if he thinks it's funny to offer me booze KNOWING I DON'T WANT ANY that he's going to lose a friend. I'll chalk this up to drunken stupidity but the fact we have never been drinking buddies and that we have grown together like brothers really pisses me off.

After I came home a neighbor of mine came over finishing off a 12 pack. My wife told him not to offer me any even though I probably wouldn't want one. That pissed me off too, but given my track record I can't blame her. Another neighbor came over drinking too and that didn't bother me. I want to do this for myself, by myself (and with this community) and I feel like I'm doing a decent job. Is it wrong for me to want to keep this a private matter as long as it's truly working? I've come this far and I'm at the point where if I thought it would do me good I could do the AA thing, but I really don't feel the need. No hiding, no cravings, mood and life returning to normal, hell I don't even care if my friends drink around me.

Second sober Friday in over 10 years

driftapart

Drunken friends will always try to get a sober you drunk. That's just how that works.

And no you're not wrong for wanting to keep this private. I'm keeping mine private, too.

soberbrooke

I use to think the same way, that it wouldn't bother me. I was wrong. I am an alcoholic, and I always ended up drinking. I have made it 9 months this time because I changed all of my people, places and things. Thinking I may be able to go back to them one day, and No, I can't. It is because I am an alcoholic and one day down the road I may drink if I have those same people hanging around me.

justhadenough

Maybe staying away from people drinking may help, especially so early on. Both my lapses after 6 weeks sober were when I was around others drinking. I also keep it private but sometimes do have to tell people

Spinach

People often don't see how difficult it is or cannot deal with it as it brings the focus on there drinking and as we know must avoid those thoughts at all costs !!!
Oh and your wife's trying to help difficult place to be wanting you to win through but not look like she's nagging.
To be honest I found it easier to just tell people I wasn't drinking it made things so much less tense . I didn't say it had to do with my alcoholism said it was due to a stomach problem and better lay of for a few months then kept on.
Regards John.

IndaMiricale

Thats awesome keep going strong And do it anyway that works for you...

I know I cant be around drinkers. I been sober for a bit and I still stick with sober people and places. I dont trust my alcoholic mind at all. I can do it , but its only a matter of time before I would say oh what the hell why not..

Just want to tell you AA is not a thing to do. It is a whole change of living and mind. But like I said keep going .. But if those cravings , moods ect. do arise. The rooms are always open..

Threshold

I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. I also have a boyfriend (ex?) who is an alcoholic.

Thing about keeping it "private" is that the effects of our drinking weren't private. We may want our SO's to not interfere....but what about how much our drinking interfered with THEIR lives? They too have an investment in our sobriety. I think it's appropriate to sit down and discuss with our partners how we are going to navigate getting and staying sober in the context of our relationship. If we can't do that on our own, a few couples counselinig sessions focused on that can be a big help.

It's easy to keep in the "it's all about ME" mindset, even after we stop drinking, unless we consciously act to change that.

quitforme79

I am only under 2 weeks sober and there's no way I could hang with people who are drinking like that...not right now.

Charon

The Harvard Medical School says that the support of a good spouse is more important than any recovery program. Lean on her. SHe only wants things to work out for you.

I aslo use something similar, though more definitive and permanent. I tell people that the Dr. put me on a med that has a very bad interaction with alcohol and makes me very sick if I drink.