rsk

It seems like those who have not lived a life with an addict can't seem to understand the confusing emotions and trauma it can bring to those involved. I am no longer being the understanding, sweet, and supportive person for my ex but that is looked at as "not helping." I am on no contact and he has already "moved on" so I wish to do the same. It's frustrating because the addict or recovering addict is not the only one who has suffered. I guess it's ok because I wouldn't even want them to truly understand, because to understand you have to know how it feels and that usually is unpleasant. Just venting some frustrations.

mstrust

i feel the same way, rsk. my ex always told me HE was the one with the problem and i cared only about how it was affecting ME. guess what, damn right i cared about how it was affecting me. IS affecting me still...or i wouldn't be here. i'm also looked at as unsupportive, selfish, cold, heartless, etc. i think being the sweet, understanding, supportive one (in the way the addict means supportive) turns into enabling. my ex seemed to get the idea that no matter what he did or how many times, i would just take it. because i did for so long. it sucks.

story74

This I understand. My xah's family and I were super close. I use to talk to his sister everyday. I rubbed his mothers feet and did anything aNd everything for her. I thought they were the faMily I never had. Then, my xah abandoned (literally) my 2 yr old son and me...a stay at home mother. Who was there for me? My family. My mother. My father. My sisters. My xah' "christain" family has judged and are living in complete denial. They even had enough audacity to tell me that they didn't think he was on drugs. This, after my son woke up crying in the middle of night missing daddy. This after I didn't have .69 cents for water. This after my addict wouldn't return phone calls, texts, give us money, erradict behavior and not seeing his son consistantly. I was dismissed. I was judged. I was even told by his sister not even a year after he abandoned us "you still aren't over it yet" so yes, people who are not in the trenches don't get it. I haven't talked to them in almost a year. It hurts. It has been hard, but I have been thru too much to surrouund myself with insensitive people who are in denial and judge. F- 'em. Move on. I have surrounded myself with supportive, loving people. It was a lesson to see who was there and who was not. It was also a lesson to my not to judge and have compassion. Learn from it and move on. Addiction is painful in so many many ways!

rsk

Story74,
I too was close to my ex's Mom. Her son has put her through some tough times and she enabled him for so long to the point that she would make me wanna scream. Considering how involved she was, she was upset by my decision to want to never speak to her son again. I am not a Mother or a Mother of an addict but I respect them enough to know that bashing their child would not feel good to them, so I left it at that. I am on my way to finding myself again and I need to say that even though I never meant to upset her... I have to get back to MYSELF. I guess I can only ignore the opinions of those that were no where to be found during the rough times but now present for their "clean" friend (my ex).

story74

Most definately focus on YOU. The thing is, everyone deals with it differently. I accept my x's family andd understnad it is malicious, BUT I can't be around people like that. It's not healthy for me or my child

story74

Btw, I meant to say that they are NOT malicious.