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Mind chatter..advice?

Old 09-27-2012, 08:59 PM
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Mind chatter..advice?

First thing, went to a great meeting tonight (one I have never been to) and met a bunch of great people around my age and new to sobriety. I really related but was still too shy to share. Anyway, I stuck around after and asked some of the women for meeting reccomendations so that was good. And best part of all, I found a sponser I am excited to start working the steps because I see so much hope in that room and I want what they have. Happiness in sobriety. Simple as that. I admit some moments I don't believe I have it in me to be happy sober or drunk but logically I know that's false. I apologize in advance because this is a long one and I would appreciate any advice or suggestions as to how to get thru these questions racing in my mind...

1) How do I stop projecting?
The answer seems simple: keep it to one day at a time. But my mind doesn't work like that right now. Is there a a way to "retrain" my brain? I keep thinking of how I won't get to go wine tasting this fall, will not be able to drink at my friends bachlorette party in June next year (how is that even possible? not to drink at a party like that? Will I be able to even go)? What about when I go on vacation? I have NEVER done that without an alcoholic beverage in hand...most of the time...Believe me, I know I would make a fool of myself if I DID drink but I can't stop these thoughts.

2) Who do I tell about my recovery? which leads directly to my next and most important question...

3) Why do I feel like I have 2 people living inside my mind. Sure, i was jekyl and hyde while drinking and now I feel like that sober. For example, one part of me is not telling certain people I'm in recovery because I want to leave my options open to drink with them without getting hassled. Isn't that sick? I despise that part of me and want to let her go The other side to me knows that sobriety is so much better and I really really want THAT life. I want the real laughs, cries and I want to be there for myself and those I love and in a healthy way.

So I appreciate any words of wisdom. I was so worried about myself drinking this weekend and I feel like the woman I met tonight and asked to be my sponser was handed to me at a very pivotal time. My alcoholic insane self was taunting me with "you can drink tomorrow. You're off, it's Friday. Nobody will even know, you deserve it." My recovering sane self is saying "No way, heck no but I can't do this alone anymore." Tried that numerous times and failed as most of you know.

Sorry if I am rambling. My first assignment tonight is to read the preface in the big book so I am off to do that but will be checking back to see what you wonderful people on SR have to say. 10 days tomorrow
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Old 09-27-2012, 09:47 PM
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To "retrain" your brain, you have to "retrain" your habits, lifestyle, and who you hang around with. It takes time.
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Old 09-27-2012, 09:51 PM
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Quit for the first few weeks it was all I could do not to drink...I'd focus on that for now...it's a concrete and achievable goal...

the mind chatter and the projecting will settle down with time..as annoying as they are they can't make you drink if you don't want to

stick close to SR as much as you need to...and lean on your AA support as well - I'm glad you're getting a sponsor.

Like DG says below gratitude is a good thing to focus on - a gratitude list is a great way to focus on the good stuff

As for who to tell - do you feel you need to tell anyone else anything right now?

D

Last edited by Dee74; 09-27-2012 at 10:10 PM.
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Old 09-27-2012, 10:07 PM
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you can drive yourself mad with all the drinking you won't be doing or you can focus on the gifts your sobriety is bringing you. no more hangovers, never waking up the next morning worrying about what an *ss you made of yourself the night before, no more funny looks your way because of how much you've had to drink. personally, i don't think about what i'm not going to be doing at those events. i think about what i get to do and i wouldn't be able to do those things had i been drinking. if i go to a party and there's booze, in the past i would have gotten too blackout drunk to have actually enjoyed being amongst friends. shift your focus. you gotta remember, sobriety isn't just about not drinking. it's about adopting a new lifestyle. if you try to stay sober by just not drinking, you're going to find it a very hard road. it's like the dieter who tries to lose weight by just denying herself the foods she really wants to eat. change your lifestyle. change your focus. remember, it's not about what you can't do. it's about what you can. live for what you can do. it's a lot more fun that way.
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Old 09-27-2012, 10:33 PM
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Originally Posted by quitforme79 View Post
First thing, went to a great meeting tonight (one I have never been to) and met a bunch of great people around my age and new to sobriety. I really related but was still too shy to share. Anyway, I stuck around after and asked some of the women for meeting reccomendations so that was good. And best part of all, I found a sponser I am excited to start working the steps because I see so much hope in that room and I want what they have. Happiness in sobriety. Simple as that.
This is awesome....Stay on that path and you'll be alright....How do you learn to live one day at a time?...Like everything else in this program...Practice and more practice. Who do you tell?....I just let my sobriety speak for itself....Why do you feel like you have 2 people in your head?...Because you do...One that wants to drink...And one that wants to live happy and sober....Want to get rid of the one that wants to drink?....Listen to your sponsor and work the steps...Congrats on 10 days Quit...You're on your way!!
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Old 09-27-2012, 11:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
This is awesome....Stay on that path and you'll be alright....How do you learn to live one day at a time?...Like everything else in this program...Practice and more practice. Who do you tell?....I just let my sobriety speak for itself....Why do you feel like you have 2 people in your head?...Because you do...One that wants to drink...And one that wants to live happy and sober....Want to get rid of the one that wants to drink?....Listen to your sponsor and work the steps...Congrats on 10 days Quit...You're on your way!!
Perfectly said sapling..

Yes I just had a big ol smile reading your post. Your on your way to a life that you cant imagine right now.. I love it..
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Old 09-27-2012, 11:53 PM
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Congratz on 10 days! It will only get better for us.
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Old 09-28-2012, 03:56 AM
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You're right Dee, I really need to just focus on not drinking for now. As I become more comfortable in sobriety I suppose my old thoughts and ways will shed along w my desire to drink. And I don't want to tell anyone else other than the few I trust enough to know at this point. 3 people asking me constantly if I am "really ok" at this point is enough lol

"you gotta remember, sobriety isn't just about not drinking. it's about adopting a new lifestyle. if you try to stay sober by just not drinking, you're going to find it a very hard road". This helped a lot displacedgrits. I stopped drinking not only to simply be sober but to enjoy and live my life in a way I never have. I want deeper relationships, joy and happiness. I want to fill this hole in my center that has been ripped wide open for so long. I want to advance in my career and buy a home. It really is a whole lifestyle change and these are the reasons I am getting healthy. Sapling, I am so excited about starting the steps. I jokingly asked my sponser last night if we could just skip to step 5 lol I made her laugh as well though. Thank you all so much!!!!! everyone was so helpful
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Old 09-28-2012, 05:11 AM
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Originally Posted by quitforme79 View Post
Sapling, I am so excited about starting the steps. I jokingly asked my sponser last night if we could just skip to step 5 lol I made her laugh as well though.
I'll tell you what...the steps are proabably the most incredible and life changing thing I've done in my life....Amazing....Enjoy them all!
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Old 09-28-2012, 07:47 AM
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I noticed that my mind is really busy too, especially at night when I go to bed. I create these negative situations in my head that never happened and play over them endlessly.

I'll create confrontations with people, fights, think about certain people dying and how sad it would be. It's all negative and it seems like my mind can create these scenarios endlessly.

Also at times thoughts pop into my head like "Wouldn't it be great to grab a bottle on the way home?". I don't even have the urge to drink, but it feels like I'm searching for that urge, coming at it from different angles to try and rouse old habits.

We have the tendency to forget things over time, but thoughts can be generated endlessly. It is for this reason that it is very important to go to meetings or come here on a regular basis, to read the things and reinforce what we are doing.
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Old 09-28-2012, 07:52 AM
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This is a really important part of the Big Book....And you nailed it Admiral.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

bb pg 24
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Admiral View Post
We have the tendency to forget things over time, but thoughts can be generated endlessly. It is for this reason that it is very important to go to meetings or come here on a regular basis, to read the things and reinforce what we are doing.
I agree it is totally important to be aware of what is going on in our heads, and how we feel about ourselves, yes.

It is also important though to know that recovery and being recovered works, and so eventually, a well seasoned confidence of knowing one has quit for good and always overcomes any and all present or future challenges.

I don't fear or otherwise trouble myself with "staying on my toes" and being "ever vigilant" for that inevitable return to drinking. Yeah, I know I have decades of sobriety now, but I of course didn't always, and I've felt this overwhelming confidence I'm speaking of since before my 3rd year of sobriety...

Originally Posted by Sapling
This is a really important part of the Big Book....And you nailed it Admiral.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

bb pg 24
Yeah, I agree with this, although I think the meaning here is that our making use of simply remembering what it was like, before we quit, using those memories and experiences as a defense against future drinking, will, sooner then later, fail to protect us.

In other words, remembering where we have come from is not in itself going to be enough for those who have alcoholsim as defined by AA. I agree. Wholesale change is required, both in our psyche and lifestyle to ensure future protection. I now, and always will now have ample defense against that first drink...

I think we can all reach a point where we no longer fear the future, and we don't have to be locked at the hip either in going to meetings either f2f or online here at SR. These connections can of course be kept by choice, but to me, i think making a sobriety forever contingent on meetings or being on SR is asking for troubles of its own, eventually. Live and let live.
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Old 09-28-2012, 12:00 PM
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1) How do I stop projecting?
For me i just gave up worrying about next year , next month , next week or the next 10 mins . Sitting outside cardiology in the hospital hearing the beepers going off and doctors running in to attend to someone who may be your loved one makes you appreciate every second of life .. and makes you realize that one day far sooner than i'd certainly like i shant have to worry about tomorow because i wont be here to enjoy it .

2) Who do I tell about my recovery?
I neither go "outing" myself to all and sundry but i quite enjoy telling people i don't drink .. i am kinda proud about it quitely .
Especially if i tell them of my drunken experience like falling down the stairs .. most people then tell their own story of bad things that happend to them under the influence and it helps re-affirm my own non-drinking .
I suppose by being open about it i may also help inspire someone else to quit if they have a problem , show that there is life after giving up

3) Why do I feel like I have 2 people living inside my mind
This is great, it's how self insight happens . The more you live in your second , or third thoughts , the more you have insight on that impulsive, addicted first you and the more you can tame it ..

All sounds good to me, stick with it .

Bestwishes, M
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Old 09-28-2012, 12:15 PM
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Originally Posted by RobbyRobot View Post
Yeah, I agree with this, although I think the meaning here is that our making use of simply remembering what it was like, before we quit, using those memories and experiences as a defense against future drinking, will, sooner then later, fail to protect us.
That's exactly what it means....

In other words, remembering where we have come from is not in itself going to be enough for those who have alcoholsim as defined by AA. I agree. Wholesale change is required, both in our psyche and lifestyle to ensure future protection. I now, and always will now have ample defense against that first drink...

I think we can all reach a point where we no longer fear the future, and we don't have to be locked at the hip either in going to meetings either f2f or online here at SR. These connections can of course be kept by choice, but to me, i think making a sobriety forever contingent on meetings or being on SR is asking for troubles of its own, eventually. Live and let live.
I've reached that point...I go to meetings because I love them....I can get Unity, Recovery and Service all in one room....Where else could I find that?
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Old 09-28-2012, 12:36 PM
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Thanks for your input mecanix
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