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Ridiculous thinking. Then not.

Old 09-27-2012, 05:47 AM
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Ridiculous thinking. Then not.

For those that have not seen any of my posts today... I'm feeling poorly.

Yeah yeah, woe is me, boo hoo, cue the violins.. the whole shebang. It's man flu I tell you! (the worst illness ever. Apparently)

Kids are not well either DD has fallen asleep on the sofa watching Wind in the Willows. DS made school (under duress )

Anyway, so I'm sat here reading posts, feeling poo and hot toddy pops into my head. What? I don't even like whiskey! Then my thinking goes to any alcohol has to be better than feeling like this... to wandering off to - I could pop round the shops when DS is home - to checking my bank account...

WHAT? STOP! STOP RIGHT THERE!

It's upset me somewhat (truth hurts) as I cancelled seeing my Nan this morning due to feeling unwell, but here I am making plans to go back out to the shops for drink?

I shouldn't be so shocked by it after all these years. I guess I never really thought about it before. I would have done it regardless (medicinal purposes right?)

I don't know, not sure what my point is. Maybe thinking before acting. STOP THOUGHT and just being more self aware. I know it's difficult for some long term abstainers to see posters like me frequently drinking again. We are though (or I am at least) getting there. There's nowhere to get to though I suppose if you commit to abstinence - you are already there...

Why do I feel like I have a ton of crazies in my head?! Why is it so difficult to draw that line? Aaargh head meet wall.

I'm ok though. I know and am more than confident that I will not drink today under the guise of any excuse. I just wish the beast, or the AV would shut up and, well, die. And I'm not the violent type!

Read through, bit hmmmm about posting. But have been told time and time again, better to post before than after
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Old 09-27-2012, 05:58 AM
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Hey MTN..good for you for recognizing the beast, av, demons, etc. they're only feeding you their version of what alcohol will do for you. All false promises! shut them out, go make a cup of tea and enjoy it. You'll feel better in the am for doing so.
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Old 09-27-2012, 06:02 AM
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Hot milk, haha seems to work for everything. X
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Old 09-27-2012, 06:15 AM
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Hope you and your family feel better soon, MTN.

I just wish the beast, or the AV would shut up and, well, die. And I'm not the violent type!
For me, it shut up when I stopped engaging with it. Rather than fight it or try to reason with it, I acknowledged its sentiments and let it go. I didn't let it cause any emotion to rise in me, no anger or fear or whatever - I just recognised that it was AV and dismissed it. The less power I let it have over my thoughts and my feelings, the quieter it got. I wouldn't say it's dead, but when it tries to talk to me now, it knows it's not going to get any time whatsoever. It's much easier that way - or at least it was for me.
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Old 09-27-2012, 06:52 AM
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MTN maybe hot tea with lemon and honey in it? Hot toddyish but no booze. Chicken soup...pamper yourself. Part of getting sober is taking better care of yourself and your family-you've been handed a challenge-rise to the occasion.
You may not feel better physically today, but if you able to weather it without alcohol you'll definitely feel mentally better
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Old 09-27-2012, 07:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Needsassistance View Post
Hey MTN..good for you for recognizing the beast, av, demons, etc. they're only feeding you their version of what alcohol will do for you. All false promises! shut them out, go make a cup of tea and enjoy it. You'll feel better in the am for doing so.
I know, I mean who ever went to the DR and got told - drink copious amounts of alcohol, you'll be right as rain in the morning! I've been loving my tea again, and my early mornings (ok there's only been 2) sneaking down for a cuppa in peace at 6am. It's bringing it all back though of how much I loved that hour.

Originally Posted by Jimuk View Post
Hot milk, haha seems to work for everything. X
Hot milk with 3 big scoops of Cadbury's hot chocolate... now you're talking! I drank honey and squeezed lemon juice when pregnant and poorly, that was lovely. Only have golden syrup at the mo though and no lemon. Hot chocolate it is!

Originally Posted by MrsKing View Post
Hope you and your family feel better soon, MTN.



For me, it shut up when I stopped engaging with it. Rather than fight it or try to reason with it, I acknowledged its sentiments and let it go. I didn't let it cause any emotion to rise in me, no anger or fear or whatever - I just recognised that it was AV and dismissed it. The less power I let it have over my thoughts and my feelings, the quieter it got. I wouldn't say it's dead, but when it tries to talk to me now, it knows it's not going to get any time whatsoever. It's much easier that way - or at least it was for me.
Thank you Mrs King. I do really appreciate your posts and relate to this in an AVRT way, and I thought back in July I *had it* and it was quiet for a while on that front. Then I engaged, and pretty much tried to shut it up by saying, ok then later, just be shush for now. Bad move! I need to take that leap (AV talking? Otherwise I would have said I have taken that leap?!)

I'm going back to all the reading I did in July. I need to be able to say alcohol is out of my life forever. No ifs. No buts. THAT is where I want to be.
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Old 09-27-2012, 07:06 AM
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Originally Posted by NoFireWater View Post
MTN maybe hot tea with lemon and honey in it? Hot toddyish but no booze. Chicken soup...pamper yourself. Part of getting sober is taking better care of yourself and your family-you've been handed a challenge-rise to the occasion.
You may not feel better physically today, but if you able to weather it without alcohol you'll definitely feel mentally better
Thanks NFW just posted about the lemon and honey, great minds It is very nice. DS due home in an hour so I'm going to get cooking one of our family favourites now - nothing fancy, home made meatballs, tomato and very garlic-y sauce, spaghetti and garlic bread. We do like garlic in this house lol and supposed to be good for you! Right, will crack on with that, just the thought has my appetite returning
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Old 09-27-2012, 07:28 AM
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Hiya

Hopeyou feel better soon.glad you are posting., it gives me strength too. I can relate to most of the things you say.thank you.
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Old 09-27-2012, 07:33 AM
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Originally Posted by justhadenough View Post
Hiya

Hopeyou feel better soon.glad you are posting., it gives me strength too. I can relate to most of the things you say.thank you.
You've got strength in the tons. Miss our early cuppa chats xx
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Old 09-27-2012, 07:33 AM
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I think that recognizing the addict voice for what it is, is a big step. You can hear it and then let it go. And, it gets easier each time.
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Old 09-27-2012, 08:58 AM
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Originally Posted by MyTimeNow View Post
Why do I feel like I have a ton of crazies in my head?! Why is it so difficult to draw that line? Aaargh head meet wall.
A person's wits can become addled by the high temperature of a cold, flu, or malaria (or other causes).
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Old 09-27-2012, 09:29 AM
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I agree with everything here, about the addictive voice, but I also feel a part of it is that I let the voice in when my guard is down, just out of habit. My brain works the same way. I've caught myself numerous times towards the end of my work day, thinking about who might be at that bar I plan on going to on my way home. And then I catch myself and remember I'm not going to any bar on my way home. For a split second my spirits actually plummet... it's like remembering that I'm grieving an old friend, which in a way I am. And then I remind myself of the new fun things I do when I get home, or when I wake up fresh and sober and healthy and not lamenting the previous night's choices, and it's much better.

I had a slip about a week ago. It was such a disappointment through and through. I felt ashamed of myself as I was doing it, which led to more and more drinking that night. I never found the high I was chasing, and the next day I was absolutely miserable. Just wanted to cry all day. Such a bad choice, so expensive, so not worth it, so not fun the way it used to be. What a waste of time it was. It's just gone, you know - sobriety ruins your drinking.

So, that's what runs through my head when I find myself tempted, or thinking of drinking out of habit. I can't wait until I get a coin or some other object to have around in my possession just to remind me to slow down and stop and think about what I'm doing. Especially a coin; there are 2 sides to it, just like my binge drinking. The fun side (or what used to be fun) and the other side, the miserable consequences.
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Old 09-29-2012, 06:11 AM
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Just wanted to say quickly thanks for the replies Anna, Mel and backbeat.

Hope you are feeling a lot better backbeat, the disappointment and all the other feelings that go with drinking just aren't worth it. It's a shame they can't bottle that, so that when dempted to drink, you could have a gulp of shame instead to keep it fresh in your mind!

Just a quick post from me, spent pretty much all of day 4 in bed feeling so ill, have spent most of this morning on the sofa, and now my mum has picked my daughter up I'll be going back to bed again... and that'll be day 5 done.

I think this illness is some sort of blessing in disguise! I know I'll have to work hard though once I'm feeling well again. For npw though I'll take whatever rest I can get. Hope everyone is having a good weekend
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