Is it really love?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Is it really love?
We are taught to love and care for others and to regards others' as we love ourselves. When we codependents try and take personal responsibility for ourselves, we often feel selfish or conceited.
Yet, codependent people are needy. We manipulate through kindness and guilt to make others dependent on us for many reasons - Fear, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment. Obsession to control and fix becomes love to us.
Is it really love to act out of fear of abandonment or fear of rejection? Is it selfish to control others by doing things for them that they should do for themselves?
Obsessive love is destructive because it it selfish; because of our own desperate need to be needed, we often end up hurting the other person. Obsessive love is not genuine love.
How would you describe genuine love?
Yet, codependent people are needy. We manipulate through kindness and guilt to make others dependent on us for many reasons - Fear, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment. Obsession to control and fix becomes love to us.
Is it really love to act out of fear of abandonment or fear of rejection? Is it selfish to control others by doing things for them that they should do for themselves?
Obsessive love is destructive because it it selfish; because of our own desperate need to be needed, we often end up hurting the other person. Obsessive love is not genuine love.
How would you describe genuine love?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
I view love, as time, patience, listening and with no motive attached. Healthy love doesn’t have motives attached to it, at all.
It isn’t loving to act out of fear, for any reason, fear of death as well. Just because the reality of addiction can be death doesn’t justify enabling anyone because of a love. That isn’t healthy love. Control isn’t healthy love. Allowing those we say we love to live as they choose, is the only way to love, acceptance goes a long way as do boundaries in such instances … well the boundaries, need to be without motive, everything needs to be without motive for gain or control.
And I do believe most of us who end up in a joints like this have no real idea what pure love is. To much dysfunction milling about for many, such very unhealthy upbringings of what love is, mostly it isn’t anything that was taught. And for me the concept of love that was taught was control, my way or the door, I will buy you this to prove it yet never listen to what you have to say and knock down any opinion as crazy talk, beat you because I love and worry about you all heavily dipped in manipulation. I had to undo a lot…
It isn’t loving to act out of fear, for any reason, fear of death as well. Just because the reality of addiction can be death doesn’t justify enabling anyone because of a love. That isn’t healthy love. Control isn’t healthy love. Allowing those we say we love to live as they choose, is the only way to love, acceptance goes a long way as do boundaries in such instances … well the boundaries, need to be without motive, everything needs to be without motive for gain or control.
And I do believe most of us who end up in a joints like this have no real idea what pure love is. To much dysfunction milling about for many, such very unhealthy upbringings of what love is, mostly it isn’t anything that was taught. And for me the concept of love that was taught was control, my way or the door, I will buy you this to prove it yet never listen to what you have to say and knock down any opinion as crazy talk, beat you because I love and worry about you all heavily dipped in manipulation. I had to undo a lot…
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