Notices

Ramblings

Old 09-26-2012, 08:23 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
The Sober Life
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Kennesaw, Ga
Posts: 5
Ramblings

Ramblings



I went to a men’s meeting tonight and the topic was humility. From what I have learned over the last 11 months, I am not alone in my struggle to find humility. Without humility I will be as I understand it I will be unable to stay sober and I cannot by truly honest. In order to be truly humble I have to remember that I am powerless and to constantly work on my conscience contact with my higher power... It is in his will, not mine will I obtain the ever elusive humility…
Tonight, feeling bad both physically and emotionally I have a lot to put into words about my lack of humility and my need to be honest. There are so many questions that I have on this quest I am on to becoming a better person. Do I need to yell yet again from the mountain top that I am a raging drug addict and alcoholic that lied, cheated and stole my way through twenty years? I AM powerless over drugs and alcohol, and people too. Maybe this just needs to be a reexamining of my character defects. Just because I am sober now does not mean that I am no longer selfish, self-seeking, arrogant, and as much as I hate to admit it full of fear, doubt and guilt. Tonight, I am full of resentment and lack the grace of forgiveness and my prayers consist of two things. God help me, and please give her all that she wants in needs in life… I know this is turning into just one big stream of feelings and thoughts and ******** but tonight it is all I have. Tonight all I can do is humbly ask God to remove afore mentioned defects of character and to ask for the open mindedness and willingness to let go and forgive. I no longer have the relief of escapism through serious mind altering substances, but I do have the ability to be honest and get out the emotions I am feeling… Yes, I do want things to be different. Yes, I am having a hard time accepting things as they are. But today, I don’t have to get wasted over them. As I rapidly approach that anniversary of that night that finally brought me to my knees last November, the memory has been replaying over and over in my head. Hitting the bottom that night and feeling so desperate. Looking into the eyes of someone I loved so much and realizing the hell I was living in while I was escorted out by the cops. That is a memory I have to keep fresh. I do not ever want to go there again. SO maybe tonight being sober has to be enough. I’m not sure any of this makes sense. Caffeine, steroids, antibiotics and some other medicine I cannot pronounce I have done a number on me tonight…. With that said, I am going to bed. I have to believe that the longer I am sober the better things will get!
Atlsoberfan is offline  
Old 09-26-2012, 08:43 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR Atlsoberfan...What stood out for me was faith without works is dead. I needed to take the steps to contented sobriety. It's just a suggestion....But it's the only suggestion they have.
Sapling is offline  
Old 09-26-2012, 08:50 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
bbthumper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Attainment of humility is the ultimate goal IMO. I'm not a huge fan of the 12x12 book, but ido think it does a great job of explaining humility in the 6th and 7th steps.
Maybe you would find that useful.
As for forgiveness, there is one thing I have learned. Even if I am the forgiver and not the forgiven, I must receive forgiveness from God. I don't have the power to just decide to forgive and do it. I need that prayer time and meditation with my maker and when He sees fit, I will receive that forgiveness for the other person. It takes time sometimes, but you are keeping your communication with your higher power open. That's good. Keep sharing, examining yourself, praying and listening and all will be well.
bbthumper is offline  
Old 09-26-2012, 08:53 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,673
Welcome to the site!
least is offline  
Old 09-26-2012, 08:55 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
The Sober Life
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Kennesaw, Ga
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
Welcome to SR Atlsoberfan...What stood out for me was faith without works is dead. I needed to take the steps to contented sobriety. It's just a suggestion....But it's the only suggestion they have.
That was an entry in my blog that I wanted to share... And you are right, but I seem to need to find more action than service work and working the steps.
Atlsoberfan is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:41 AM.