Weasel1966

Do you think there is only just so much support one person can be given?

At some point the giver stops and the givee must decide.

Its that simple I suppose.

Telco

I have to agree with you to a point. All we can do is try to help those in need, but they are ultimately responsible for realizing that they have a problem, and honestly wanting to change, then supporting them even more once they have decided to change.

MrsKing

I agree and disagree... I think you can only share the same advice so many times, but I also think you can never give up on someone. This question makes me think of my aunt, who has been drinking alcoholically for at least 10 years, and although she's had a few months sober here and there, has pretty much drunk excessively constantly since then. Although I totally understand that there is only so much support you can give someone before you yourself have nothing left to give, I don't think you can ever truly give up on someone because a change in someone can happen at any time.

Weasel1966

The reason I say this is I am in a lot of pain this morning. I drank and used yesterday.

I don't want anyone to give up on me.

Dee74

As someone who struggled with quitting for 15 years, I'll never give up on anyone

Moving away from the abstract to the specific tho...

what do you think keeps drawing you back to drinking and using Ken?

now, I don't need to know and you don't have to answer here - but I do think it's something you need to answer for yourself...

D

MrsKing

Nobody here will ever give up on you, Ken.

I agree with Dee... pinpointing what it is that draws you back and putting things in place to stop that happening will probably help. Can you identify thought processes/situations that directly or indirectly result in you drinking/using?

Weasel1966

I have times when I just don't feel worthy of anything. I have long had issues where I tell myself that I am not worth anything. I am no good. Most days I can handle this and stop myself from the negative self talk. Then there are days I go with it. It's hard to see it coming and to see when I am doing it. So I drink when I feel worthless.

Not drinking and getting myself better is an absolute for me. I will never stop trying. But this hurt me a lot today because I was doing well.

I went to meetings this weekend. I stayed sober all weekend. Then had yesterday off.

Obladi

Weasel, hi. I've read a bit of what you have posted around our little town, and like what you have to say. I think you are an authentic soul, worthy of support. I wonder if you are afraid YOU will give up on you? Please don't.

Obladi

Ah, I see I was typing while you were posting.
I can relate to those feelings of worthlessness, but you know drinking just fuels the fire, right?
Take the day off from drinking/using.
I think you will feel at least a tiny bit better in the morning.
Anyhow, it worked for me.

Dee74

I think feeling worthless is a corollary to a lot of peoples drinking - but is it a valid excuse Ken?

I felt worthless for many years too Ken...but I saw where my drinking was leading me, and I wasn't ready to die yet...so I kept on feeling worthless, but I stopped drinking.

After a while sober I was able to reevaluate my feelings with a changed perspective and a clear head...and I began to sift through the baggage of my past...and I began to heal.

I re-found my sense of worth - but I needed to stay sober to find it again.

I really believe you can do that too Ken - but the first step needs to be to take drinking off the table as a viable option.

be gentle with yourself today - use your energy to make plans for the future, and for thinking of better healthier ways to deal with those feelings, not beating yourself up over the past

D

Weasel1966

Obladi.... I won't give up on me. I am all I have got.

I am proud of my efforts. I stated sober all weekend. Not even did I consider it.

I could easily have not said a word. But I cannot, I need help today to stay strong. I am not a weak person. But sometimes I just need to ask for help.

Today I need support.

K

mecanix

Support ? i do give what knowledge and experience i may have gleaned along my journey freely .
Also i am a very positive and happy person, when we are under the cloud of using our outlook is so squewed by it it's a wonder we get out of bed at all, being able to share some of ones positivity is a gift and may help shine a beacon out to a friend in need .

Bestwishes, M

Weasel1966

Dee... I did not exactly use the feelings to provide an excuse to drink. I did not consider it that way. I agree I can heal. I am healing despite yesterday. I will continue to despite yesterday. It's just a reconciling I need to do today. Figure out what I need to do more or different.

I have absolutely no one in my life that supports me other than SR. That's not an excuse for anything. It just means I need to work a bit harder to see things that are leading down the wrong path myself over anyone pointing it out to me. Sometimes I just don't see well.

Grace2

Hi Weasel

As long as being sober is something you want to do, we will ALWAYS support you. You are a big part of our family here.

I've read some of your posts, and you always give me food for thoughtand often make me smile. Of course you are worth it, those negative thoughts are caused by your A.V pecking your head.

At the end of the day falling down isn't failing, staying down is failing. Pick yourself up, dust yourself down, draw a line under it and move on. It's gone now and today's a new day.

You can beat this

Big hugs

Gxx

Vall

You are incredible Dear Ken. Don't know why you don't see it :> but I understand.

You have it all sussed really, your plight. You know what to do. Forgive yourself and start againx

Maybe there was something in the air last night as I see lots of people struggled with sleep etc...let's not dwell on it, let's move on together supporting each other.

What is your weather like?

MrsKing

I definitely relate to the feelings of worthlessness, but now I know that I wasn't giving myself a chance to see how much I really was worth... if you know what I mean? Drinking excessively meant that I wasn't allowing myself to show what I really was capable of, and it wasn't allowing me to find my place in life... or find the me I was happy with. After being sober for a good period of time (I think it was probably 3+ months) all of those things just came together by themselves... I was doing things I loved doing, enjoying socialising, and most importantly my life was calm, with no huge highs and lows, and that's when my feeling of self worth grew.

Alcohol only encourages feelings of worthlessness, but I'm sure you already know that.

I know you say it's hard to see it coming... and it is, I agree... when it comes, it is important to have things in place that you can turn to besides drinking to escape it. You can make yourself feel more worthy by doing things that really matter - have you considered volunteering? Or even just small things. I know that I feel a huge amount better about myself after I've been for a walk, or completed something that I've put off for a while. Those things make you feel worthy, and they don't cause hangovers and feelings of guilt and shame the next day.

Don't beat yourself up. That only makes the feelings of worthlessness worse. Be selfish... focus on you. What REALLY makes you happy? What REALLY makes you feel good? Those are the things you should be turning to when you're feeling worthless. At first you really don't feel like doing them... you want to go back to your old trusty escape... but trust me, if you just power through for a short while, you'll find that you can escape in other ways.

Wishing you all the best, Ken x

Weasel1966

M you are so right.... And your positivity is felt.

I am feeling better knowing you are all out there and get this. What we all are doing. I cannot be more thankful for you. When I succeed and when I don't.

Time to spend my day reading posts and offering my support. Gotta give to get.

Weasel1966

I feel everyone positivity!

I cannot tell you how much better I am feeling. The kind words are not lost on me. They are taken in to the fullest. Thank you.

Today I will get home from work and go for a long walk. Treat myself good. Focus on today. Plan for tomorrow.

Mark75

So you are going to meetings, awesome... now, what are you doing about working those steps...



I found that 2 and 3 were real, really, helpful with those early sobriety eF-its.

Grace2

Good stuff Ken

Be honest with yourself, keep reading, keep posting as much as you can.

We are all on this journey together.

Gxx