fallingtogether

How do you talk with your kids about your drinking problems? right now, im full of shame, so i know now isnt a good time to talk about it. so, when the time is right, what do you say?

Shescrazy2

My kids are 10 and 12. I'm just going to tell them that I have a problem with drinking, that it is unhealthy for everyone, and when people are unhealthy, they get help so they can get better. Obviously, there is more to it than that, but I'm going to just flat out tell them. No beating around the bush. How old are your kids?

SoberForMySon

Mines too young. For now, I say I am sorry. He's only three.

fallingtogether

My kids are 10 and 5. My boy is the older of the two. I'm sick of saying I'm sorry and not following thru all the way. In the last 42 days, I have 27 sober. Including today. I know I can do it, it's just sticking with it. I guess more action and less talking about it!

Sugarfix

Mine are all under 7 and have only ever seen me drunk once. This was a few years ago. I was carried out of the pub, then was sick all down the front of my dress in front of them.

They told people mummy cant walk!

I was horrified!

But it was the only time they have ever seen me drunk..

.. though they will have seen me hungover plenty of times. And lost out because I was too tired to do much with them some days.

tjmjh

Over the past 24 hours I have had to explain to my 7 year old that I have a problem - my mom I guess told my son that we have a genetic problem as he said well its in your DNA. Unbelievable right! I still said that I can't excuse my behavior and have to own my mistake. he keeps saying to me mommy I don't ever want to see that again. If that isn't motivation for me to not drink I don't know what is. I think the first lesson is to teach our children to own their mistakes and that we move forward not backwards. We accept the consequences to our actions and I was clear that I have to earn back everyone's trust including his. I think it is more of your personal call. As you recall my post yesterday I am here because my son witnessed my behavior of an episode so I did not have a choice but to own it and apologize and explain my problem. Tough 2 days ... Hoping this is more of a new beginning for all of us.

Fandy

why don't you wait to have some solid sober time before you explain yourself? In the meantime, actions will speak louder than words, your kids are pretty young, why burden them with explanations, just be MOM.

ebshot

I sat my kids (11, 9, 8) down and told them that I was tired of drinking so much but I couldn't stop on my own. So I was going to meetings to help me gain the tools I needed to help. I would not drink again. I told them that if they had any questions to please ask them. They have asked questions and I have answered honestly. It's not easy and I have a lot of shame, guilt and remorse but I need to deal with the consequences that my drinking has caused.

fallingtogether

I think I am going to talk with my dear son this evening, after his sister has gone to bed. She is old enough to see my ridiculous behavior but too young to process a deep/semi deep conversation. I'm just going to honest and tell him that I act like an idiot sometimes when I drink and I need to get my head in the game and quit all together so that I can a better mom. I think he will be very understanding. We are really close, so I hope that can be proud of me. Honestly I don't think I ever really wanted to talk about it with them, because if I told them my plan to quit and I failed, well, I would crush them. Honestly I need to be open with them, because they are kids, and they will definitely hold me accountable! I really hate day 1--- I wish I could fast forward a couple days or maybe a week..... Lol.... However, I will not ever forget the way I feel right now..... Even though I can't remember anything from yesterday evening.....

Fandy

why don't you wait a couple of days while you recover from yesterday's drinking. sleep on it and think what you want to say. You don't want to stress him out if you were acting unpredictable yesterday. Or let him take the lead?

Anna

I agree with Fandy.

I think it might be better to show with your actions that you are changing your life. Maybe your child would notice and ask you about it. That would be a much better scenario, in my opinion.

For me, it wasn't necessary. My daughter was 16 - 19 and my son was 18 -21 when I drank, so they were well aware. When I stopped drinking, I didn't say anything either. I had apologized to them on many occasions, but they only wanted to see my behaviour change.

forabetterlife

I've been wondering the same thing myself, chard...and I appreciate all the thoughts on this topic. 27 days ago I heard my 11 year old mumble "oh my god" (with a tone indicating that she was sick of it) when she heard me crack open another beer one night. I was horrified. I knew my kids saw me drink too much, and too often, for too long. But that did it for me. It didn't fit the image of how I considered myself, as a mom, as a person. How could I make my baby feel like that? I drank that last beer slowly (not in front of her) and cried and made up my mind. That was it. It had to be. No more of this.
But I never announced it or anything. I know they have seen a difference in me, everything just seems smoother and more happy. So I wonder if its really necessary to say anything, maybe my actions are enough. For now at least.

Pondlady

I recommend not having a conversation with your children, at least not at this point. Children count on the adults in their life for security and to know that all is right in their young world. It might make you feel better to express your remorse and desire to be a better mom, but could serve to create anxiety in them. Just take care of them and yourself

8thPhoenix

Well, the catalyst for my going into recovery was the fact that over the past year, my two oldest boys (ages 11 and 9) were beginning to notice that I was drinking alcohol at night. Questions of 'what's that - beer? wine? does it make you sick' were becoming a common thing. And the last night I drank, I passed out in front of them, although because of my boyfriend's damage-control, hopefully they really do think it's because I was exhausted.

A few days into my recovery I was setting up the table for an rpg that I've been running for the boys, and when I brought over a cup of coffee, I noticed my 11 year old noticing. I met his eyes and just said simply, "I'm not drinking alcohol any more." He smiled and said, "Way to go Mom."

For now, that's enough. When it gets closer to the time they might be going to parties and tempted to indulge, I think I owe it to them to tell them about the whole truth.

quitforme79

As a child of alcoholic and drug addict parents, I heard "I am sick but getting better" and "I am sorry" SO many times that it meant nothing to me. It still doesn't. From age 12 on I started saying "show me". Therefore I agree with Fandy & Anna...

ca3726

I am having a hard time with this topic. My boys are 16 and 13, and they know all too well that I have a drinking problem. They are constantly asking me to quit, or to learn to control my drinking. They have seen me falling down black out drunk too many times to count. They know I am trying to stay sober but do not believe I will succeed. I don't blame them. Bur I will prove to them that I can do this. Actions speak louder than words. I think showing kids is more important than what you do or do not tell them.

Amy2011

I think it is a personal choice who you chose to involve in your recovery or when. When I finally had enough of the chaos my life had become I went to AA. My children were 9 and 1 week away from 12 at the time. Alcoholism is a family disease and they were well of aware of the situation in our household. I had long given up hoping they didn't know I was a drunk. I had embarrassed them and myself in front of their friends many times. I went to AA and decided I had to live a sober life because I wanted to be the kind of mother I didn't have instead of the kind of mother I grew up with. I told my children within the first week that I was attending AA and seeking to change my life. I didn't want to lie them about where I was every evening. I really wanted sobriety to be a fresh start for all of us and a chance for all of us to heal. Telling them has also held me accountable to my sobriety because I am no longer willing to intentionally hurt them and cause them pain, I have done enough of that already in their young lives. I went to AA in March of 2011 and have remained sober for the sake of my sanity and because I promised my 2 beautiful girls I would never drink again. I knew once I told my girls there was no going back, I was done for good. Best of luck in your journey and becoming the mother you have the potential to be.

karilynn27

By the end of my drinking career words were meaningless. I've spent the last 9 months letting my actions speak for me

fallingtogether

Thanks for the overwhelming responses. I did talk for a minute about it tonight and just told them that I am committing to not drinking. I have not been drinking as much as I was before. I am sure they have noticed and yesterday was a huge setback. I apologized and said we all make mistakes. They were and are very forgiving. We are together all the time. I think it's important they know that I see its a problem. And that I am accountable. Best of luck to everyone else asking themselves this same question.

clight

I have a soon to be 5 yo son. I could never tell him the problem I have/had. My son is very smart and he made my face turn so white.... he asks me after I had taken him to Chucky Cheese at my house. Hey Dad, what are you drinking? When I tell you I was mortified and my face was blank that I could not even answer him that he asked me again.... I said to him Oh sorry baby I didn't hear you dad is having bottled water. He turned and looked way up to me and said dad.... I thought water bottles were skinny and tall? And dad why do you mix Pepsi with water? I was not drunk and speechless I was making a drink because I knew his mom was on her way to pick him up. I did not know how to respond to a month shy of a 5 yo. This was 2 nights before I said enough! So to make a long story short I was sick to my stomach when his mother came and picked him up. I could never tell him this and break his heart plus he is to young and my promise it will be fixed way before he really knows what his dad was doing and I will be able to give him advice when he is older god for bid he has a few to many. Like Fandy said I will make my actions speak. Also, I think it was a great lesson for me. It really made me say if my son being almost 5 is asking imagine what others see. Never again! By the way it was a cheap pint of Vodka with a 2 liter bottle of Coke. So smart these kids! I am getting sick just thinking about it.