vegan

today was 71 days...i decided to drink talked to myself about it told my kids who said NO and i said i will if i want....so i did i bought some fall woodchuck for the taste and actually i learned something about myself it is the high not the taste ....I SUCK i am back at day 1 fortunately no one will know except me and you guys and God.....one more thing do not tease yourself with non alcoholic beer....i liked the taste......but no high.....so now i got the high IT is not worth it.....i could be doing something else that does not include beer non alcoholic or other or hiding the evidence ....sitting here drunk is not where i want to be .. cant wait for day 1

Dee74

Sorry you slipped but welcome back Vegan
What had you been doing for your recovery in the 71 days?

D

IWillWin

I think that is one of the top 5 things I don't miss about drinking. Hiding and disposing of bottles made me feel like a piece of you-know-what and ashamed and embarrassed. But I did it anyway. That is the nature of this disease ... It makes us do things we normally would not and things we don't want to. So...it tricked you. But now you know its method and you can stop the madness.

Get up, stand tall, give that Beast the finger and move on down the road with the knowledge you have gained from this experience. Knowledge is one thing it hates us to have so find some peace in the fact that you are getting closer and closer to beating it for good with every piece of knowledge you gain - no matter how you obtained it the important thing is to use it as a weapon.

Good for you coming here and posting ... We are here for you and on your side!

Southerner

You drew some very good conclusions and learned some things. Don't beat yourself up. When you wake up tomorrow, dust yourself off and keep going. Now you know some things you didn't before this small lapse. It really will be okay.

Anna

The main thing is to learn from this experience, so it doesn't have to happen again.

Can you make some more changes in your life?

Forgive yourself and move on.

IndaMiricale

My last couple relapses were just awful feeling...

AA ruined drinking for me cause A belly full of booze and a head full of AA was noooo good


Sorry for your relapse. But it really sounds like you learned some valuable things for yourself..

oak

I hate the taste, but liked the high. I felt very validated by your post. I always think it is odd that i have a problem without liking the taste. But i have heard others say that too.

I can relate to wanting day 1 to start. And yes hiding it sucks. And waiting for the alcohol effect to wear off can suck. I hope you feel better soon.

Think through what you can learn from this time. What can you do differently in the future?

Hevyn

Hi Vegan. This lesson puts you one step closer to quitting and staying quit. Sometimes we need a little more convincing. We're all behind you. Happy you are back.

Liz45

Tomorrow is only a few short hours away. A new beginning.

12skiptomylue

I relapsed on day 95. I bought the fancy beer that I had been craving the whole time I had quit. When I relapsed, it wasn't for the taste, it was definitely to get wasted. But, I realized that I really had acquired the taste for beer, and after withholding for three months, I thought it was absolutely disgusting! Of course, the bad taste did not keep me from slamming them down. I'm now on day 92 for the second time.

You can focus on the slip and feeling bad about it and feeling like a failure. Or you can focus on the courage it takes to come back, be honest and do the work.

I wish you the best!

Sapling

Good for you skip...Congrats on day 92!

artsoul

Thanks for sharing that, vegan - it helps you and it also helps the rest of us. For some reason, when our AV is talking to us, it always makes drinking seem like something wonderful, but it's only an image in our heads.....

One of my alcohol-driven fantasies was of being on the beach, perfect day, drink in hand, having a great time. In reality, it was never like that. It was more like feeling bloated and sluggish, drinking warm beer and getting sunburnt...... You reminded me of that today.

Look at this like a bump in the road and take notes so you know what to watch out for next time.

Grace2

Vegan

Welcome back, I know how hard it is to do that, I'm a returner and back to being fairly new again to sobriety. Coming back has to be the best thing I've done in a long time. I certainly don't miss secreting all my sly empty wine bottles out and finding places to hide them. You wouldn't believe some of the places I've dumped them!!

Falling down isn't failing, staying down is failing. No point in dwelling on it too much, learn from it, draw a line under it and move on. Be honest with yourself, be kind to yourself, post on here as much as you can, you'll do it.

Big hugs (( ))

Gxx

neferkamichael

Vegan you are on day 1? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Rootin for ya vegan.

Grace2

Morning Vegan

Just wondering how you are today? Keep focused, you know you can do this.

Gx

YVRguy

Hey vegan , that was a great stretch of sobriety.

Talking with folks in long term sobriety at meetings we all have walls in early sobriety in terms of length of time between slips. My sponsor told me the main thing is to not let a slip blow out to a multi day spree or worse , call him , go to a meeting and stop it in its tracks. I know I have 30 day , 60 day and 90 day walls where I will find it darn tough. Now I use AA myself , you may have another plan and support.

Like a diabetic who goes too far on some sweets , the alcoholic who slips is similar in not abiding by the recommended plan for their illness which is abstinence. The diabetic returns to proper diet , insulin as required and resumes life so I figure an alcoholic can put down the drink , resume what worked before the slip with some added knowledge and keep moving forward.

Hope you are well today and leave the door open on the past but don't let it stop your forward movement. I hope to get to 71 days too but I am just working with today.

Have a good 24

vegan

well today is day 94 minus the few hours it took me to blow it on the hiding beer bottles post........ i quess I look at it as 94 days sober give or take a few hours...I have done great since that day of 9/22 and yes day one was spent finding beer caps in my pockets (which i fell asleep in my clothes) and a lot of other places that were inconspicuous (NOT) so now here I am on day 94 had the urge to drink so did go buy some beer but why I ask myself.....can I drink like a normal person...NO because I was already planning how many to buy so that if I had to I could go drive to get more..... so maybe i do need more daily contact with support groups...thank you YVRguy your post was super helpful that abstinence is the answer......I wish I had read this before today.....and I can't believe I forgot it since (the FIRST day ONE)

doggonecarl

If it was me, I would look at it as 22 days. It's the accountability to keep me from excusing a few hours of drinking. But that's my recovery.

You have yours. Whatever keeps you on track.

dSober

Keep coming back Vegan. Every relapse though and you'll get closer and closer to hiding 1.75L vodka bottles, like I did.

vegan

why do we get so complacent? why do I like to drink even though it is flippin 10AM.. and i know how much better it is to NOT! if i already know the answers how can I be so stupid?