story74

Well, it has been a little over a year since my life exploded. I lost my husband to addiction and another woman. My son lost his father. He's still alive, but not to us. We rarely see him. This year would off been 10 years married. I never in my wildest dreams thought this would be my life.

My focus has been on me and my son. Getting healthy. I never go out bc I want to bed there for my son. Plus, I have never been one to go out. My son is my world. But, just recently I'm starting to get the itch to meet someone. It would be so nice to have a friend in my life. But, then again, why do I even want another male in my life? My xah was suppose to be someone I could trust and spend my whole life with. He was my bff. And he had a relationship with another woman for 7 months, snorted cocaine and abandoned a stay at home mom and her child with nothing. How am I ever suppose to trust again. I'm lonely, but maybe nights at home being by myself is much better in the long run.

I had the weirdest dream last night. Hard to explain. But, I was in a circle of friends. And someone put their hand on me and I had never felt so secure and loved. Then I went over toto who I think was my xah and I tried to get him to see me, but he wouldn't open his eyes.

Anyways. Just sometimes feel strong. And sometimes feel weak. And sometimes feel angry. And sometimes feel lonely. And sometimes feel happy. All in all...I'm getting thru the pain.

Katiekate

((((story))))

Thanks for posting, I feel lonely , and sad, and happy and all those things too.

I hope you do meet some new friends, it takes time, I know.

We are here, we care. love to you Katie

supportforme

Story - I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this.
I left my STBXAH in May after years of hanging on to the shell of a man he became and living through the pain of him having an affair. I was just sitting out on my deck all by myself and I started to reflect on my thoughts over the last week when I would see other parents at my kids games interacting together, being partners in their day to day lives and there is a sense of saddness at the loss of my partner. But as I was sitting there tonight, I realized that there is a sense of peace that I haven't had in a very long time. I lived for so many years yearning for that bond and that partner again but addiction destroyed it. For the first time I realize there is no hope for he and I, we are done, my parnter is gone. It's really weird... I'm sad but I'm OK with it. I'm happier now alone than I've been a long time. I too can't see myself ever trusting agian. I guess only time will tell. We've been devastated and lived through a very traumatic experience. My focus is on my boys and myself. I don't want to ever waste any energy that I could give to me or my boys on anyone else. I guess my feelings are too raw right now to see it any other way. The way I see it- I am the mother of minor children and they need me. They need to feel important and loved. I do take time for myself but I make time every day to give them both undivided attention. Bringing someone else into my life would take away from me and them and we don't deserve that right now.

Redapples

I work with men all day believe me you are not missing much!!! I am kidding!! I think if I was not with my SABF I would still miss the companionship because no matter how many men I work with it would not be my BF.
When do you think would be the time for you to leave home and find someone? Because you above anyone will know when the time comes. How old is your son?

FindingErica

I hear you on the lonely. I went to a boys out thing the other night, and the men who lead the troops were up there with their wedding rings flashing, and I thought how my son now only has a mom to take him. And wondered why these guys were all involved with family life and I have the dud husband/father. I don't know if I will ever find someone again or want someone again, because how do you really trust anyone. After 18 years of marriage, I don't even know who I was married too. I thought I was pretty straightforward on who I was. But sometimes like you I feel string and capable, and others I feel lonely and scared.

Windmills

I think loneliness is a bad reason to look for someone new. I understand how difficult it is to be a single mum, and I also understand the pain of being alone and lonely at night and wishing for company. To me though this isn't really a valid reason to get into a relationship and therefore bring a new man into my daughters life. I know at the moment I'm likely to attract someone unhealthy.

LoveMeNow

We are never alone. God is always with us!! Sometimes it's hard to remember that, but when I do.....I always feel very peaceful.

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because HE who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

Miller05

i am feeling lonely today as well. i am married to a man who cheated on me, does cocaine, and has also abandoned me and my 20 month old beautiful son.

i have not heard a word from him in a month. not even to ask about the baby.

i can't believe that this is the reality of my life. i am praying that it will get better. it has too.

so thankful to have my little boy...he is the world to me.

sorry you are feeling sad...but you are not alone.

becky1982

I too feel afraid about being vulnerable to someone hurting my heart again and someone betraying me. But I know two wonderful women in their sixties who lost their husbands, one to pancreatic cancer, one to a car accident after years of drugs and cheating. Both now have boyfriends, both have the young love glimmer in their eye, both are happy living life one day at a time. Think about the possibility of having a new healthy relationship, with all that we have learned about ourselves. How different would our choices be?