Avra

Well, I messed up again last night. Wow was it so not worth it! I feel sick, have a headache. I dont remember going to bed last night. I am so tired of having to ask my husband what I did the night before, did I embarass myself, etc.
This has to stop. Today. Incannot do this anymore, i an slowly losing myself in this, i hate it!

Southerner

I truly understand. I had to get to a point where continuing to binge was more exhausting than just coming up with a new plan. It does get so much better. How does your husband feel about last night? Is this stressing your relationship or is it just "another night?" What is different for you about this one? Are you prepared really for a recreation of yourself and your activities? Just curious.

Mizzuno

You can do this. Stick around here for the day. We are here for you.

Avra

He hates that I blackout, and the conversation each morning that follows. but he does enable me and wants to drink sometimes himself. He consumes alot but he never blacks out or gets out of control. It is stressing the relationship though, esp. Since we have a two year old in the house.

I think the difference is that I am tired of the merry go round. Sick and tired of spending so much time thinking about my next drink. Its taken me a very long time but I think I am at the point of accepting it just cannot be and trying to move on.

Sapling

Hey Avra....Do you have any plans on how you want to stay stopped?....Have you tried before?

doggonecarl

A goal without a plan is only a wish.

I could never wish myself sober.

aeo1313

Towards the end I stopped asking my husband what I had done the night before- it got so humiliating to have to ask that every weekend.

I have not had to wonder about my evenings in almost 5 months. You can stop and stay stopped. Don't pick up today.

mecanix

You need never do it again, if you want .

Bestwishes, M

Avra

My plan is to never drink again. I think the RR or SMART fits me.

Avra

Oh I can relate. I hate asking but sometimes its unbearable not knowing.

Avra

Lots of times. But this is the first time with the idea in my head its for life.

doggonecarl

Not trying to be a smart a$$, but that was your plan before.

Time to step it up.

Good luck.

Roselian

Do not have anything smart to say. Just hang in there ; )

pipparina

Avra-

Hang in there. Start fresh today. Consider what triggered you and be prepared for it. Think about what you can do to distract yourself when the urge to drink comes up.

Any chance you can try AA meetings? They helped me a lot.

Jeni26

Hi. I know exactly how you feel. I too just got tired of being on that merry go round of drinking, feeling sick and full of remorse the next day, then forgetting all my plans once the hangover had worn off. As my drinking progressed I no longer waited til the hangover passed, I just drank anyway.
Let this be the start of your new life. Write down exactly how you feel today. Put it somewhere you can see it every day, and go for it.
You won't regret it x

Southerner

I know that point well. I think that is the "beach head" that gets you really making changes. It is very nice to hear that you can now envision it as a lifetime change.

You will not miss alcohol in the long run. It is a really bad companion and always ditches you, leaving you alone to pick up the pieces. I would certainly suggest, as others have, making some concrete plans. When I made the final decision, I went both to my doctor and a really good therapist. Now my wife goes to the therapist with me to ensure our relationship adapts and finds new strengths post-alcohol. Your husband does not have to quit if he has no issue himself (my wife occasionally has one, usually when out with her friends) We keep it alcohol free around the house. Ginger ale is the house drink now! Maybe you and your husband can talk openly about a real plan that works for both of you?

Keep this determination at the forefront of your mind these next few days. I am rooting for you.

RevivingOphelia

This is one of the main reasons I started my questioning my relationship to alcohol. It really sucks, eh? So tiring, indeed.

Best to you in your journey toward better health.

Amy2011

When the pain of living my life became unbearable I went to AA. There I found support and an outline for how to live a sober life. AA was the guide I need to crawl out of the chaos my life had become. I too had many mornings where I could not remember the night before and it sucked. If AA isn't for you that's fine, but find a program of recovery to use and guide you on your journey. Pick a program of recovery, commit to it, and follow through. In early recovery I always tried to imagine where the first drink would take me and it was never anywhere good. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Good luck!

Dee74

welcome back Avra

D

Avra

Thanks, yes I know i need some sort of plan, but other than acceptance of no moderation, I sm not sure what.