What to do about the old dog?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6
What to do about the old dog?
Hi all,
I'm struggling with a decision to put down my addict husband's dog.
My husband has been out of the house since Feb. and gone AWOL in order to commit himself fully to a lifestyle of drugs and alcohol. He has been having an affair with another addict during this time and I suspect they are living together now. He has done horrible, hurtful and downright icky things to me and our two daughters. Mainly, he has simply pretended we don't exist. Hasn't seen or attempted to contact our 10 year old in months and months. Except for one last minute attempt to see her on her birthday, which she declined.
We have a 15-year-old border collie--a truly awesome dog. The dog was my husband's best friend when he was "controlling" his using. Now that he's given in completely to his addiction, he has had little to no contact with the dog--(same as my husband's contact with myself and our two daughters).
Anyhow, the girls and I don't have a true connection to this dog and he isn't getting the attention he deserves at this point in his life. He is also incontinent and I spend a lot of time cleaning up after him.
The girls and I have worked really hard to clean off the "alcoholic" appearance of our home. We have organized, cleaned, remodeled, etc.. and feel proud of where we live-something we never felt when the addict was living with us.
I also have a new business which I run out of my home. I HAVE to maintain a clean home for the students I tutor.
The bottom line is this... it's time to put Josey Wales down. My husband's mom and others have given him the riot act for his abandonment of everything--especially the dog (that's my in-laws--they will pitch a fit over the dog's neglect but pretend the kids and I don't feel it!).
My husband, after I and his mother dumped a ton of anger and hurt feelings on him, said he was "coming this weekend to take care of his old dog." Like he could just drop in and handle things when he felt like it.
I was diplomatic and didn't overreact. I just responded that I'd like to wait a few weeks before we put him down.
Now, I'm struggling with how to handle this. Josey ISN"T the addict's dog anymore. We have been his family for nearly nine months now. I don't particularly want the addict to handle his being put down. I don't particularly want to see the addict and risk some more hurt---He's REALLY out of control and angry right now.
Is it OK to put Josey down and, then, tell my husband? Or, is this cruel?
Would love any ESH
Heather
I'm struggling with a decision to put down my addict husband's dog.
My husband has been out of the house since Feb. and gone AWOL in order to commit himself fully to a lifestyle of drugs and alcohol. He has been having an affair with another addict during this time and I suspect they are living together now. He has done horrible, hurtful and downright icky things to me and our two daughters. Mainly, he has simply pretended we don't exist. Hasn't seen or attempted to contact our 10 year old in months and months. Except for one last minute attempt to see her on her birthday, which she declined.
We have a 15-year-old border collie--a truly awesome dog. The dog was my husband's best friend when he was "controlling" his using. Now that he's given in completely to his addiction, he has had little to no contact with the dog--(same as my husband's contact with myself and our two daughters).
Anyhow, the girls and I don't have a true connection to this dog and he isn't getting the attention he deserves at this point in his life. He is also incontinent and I spend a lot of time cleaning up after him.
The girls and I have worked really hard to clean off the "alcoholic" appearance of our home. We have organized, cleaned, remodeled, etc.. and feel proud of where we live-something we never felt when the addict was living with us.
I also have a new business which I run out of my home. I HAVE to maintain a clean home for the students I tutor.
The bottom line is this... it's time to put Josey Wales down. My husband's mom and others have given him the riot act for his abandonment of everything--especially the dog (that's my in-laws--they will pitch a fit over the dog's neglect but pretend the kids and I don't feel it!).
My husband, after I and his mother dumped a ton of anger and hurt feelings on him, said he was "coming this weekend to take care of his old dog." Like he could just drop in and handle things when he felt like it.
I was diplomatic and didn't overreact. I just responded that I'd like to wait a few weeks before we put him down.
Now, I'm struggling with how to handle this. Josey ISN"T the addict's dog anymore. We have been his family for nearly nine months now. I don't particularly want the addict to handle his being put down. I don't particularly want to see the addict and risk some more hurt---He's REALLY out of control and angry right now.
Is it OK to put Josey down and, then, tell my husband? Or, is this cruel?
Would love any ESH
Heather
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
If your x neglects to do what is right for this little fellow, it is up to you. this doggy depends on you, and his comfort and happiness is in your hands.b Just give him lots of loving in his remaining time. they are such loyal creatures, and deserve much love..
hugs,
chicory
hugs,
chicory
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
The only way you want to see this selfish person is if he has a big fat check for child support.
Give the poor dog some love and affection, let his last days be good. But you put him down when you feel its right, not this jerk
Give the poor dog some love and affection, let his last days be good. But you put him down when you feel its right, not this jerk
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tacoma WA
Posts: 109
Pets are so innocent and rely totally on their families to make the compassionate decisions for their care. Josey Wales sounds loved.
We lost our 16 year old cat last week. Like you, we made the decision to put him to sleep rather than let him continue to suffer.
Would Josey want to be with your AH in his last hours? It sounds like he truly was your AH's beloved pet in better times. And, you honestly state that you and your daughters don't feel a true connection to Josey. I didn't have a true connection to the 16 year old cat as he was my daughter's and when she went off to college he became ours.
I always wonder if animals feel abandonment or if they simply think, "Yea! He's back!"
On the other hand and philosophizing, I wonder if addicts can hold a place for a pet in their hearts when they so easily abandon their families.
If you think Josey wants to be with your AH at the end, would there be a way to get him to your AH without you and your girls having to be in contact with him?
Our pets have been so beloved, and we've lost so many over the years.
If I were in your situation, I'd consider what is best for Josey without having to see your AH if you think Josey may want to be with him.
with compassion,
peaeandgrace
We lost our 16 year old cat last week. Like you, we made the decision to put him to sleep rather than let him continue to suffer.
Would Josey want to be with your AH in his last hours? It sounds like he truly was your AH's beloved pet in better times. And, you honestly state that you and your daughters don't feel a true connection to Josey. I didn't have a true connection to the 16 year old cat as he was my daughter's and when she went off to college he became ours.
I always wonder if animals feel abandonment or if they simply think, "Yea! He's back!"
On the other hand and philosophizing, I wonder if addicts can hold a place for a pet in their hearts when they so easily abandon their families.
If you think Josey wants to be with your AH at the end, would there be a way to get him to your AH without you and your girls having to be in contact with him?
Our pets have been so beloved, and we've lost so many over the years.
If I were in your situation, I'd consider what is best for Josey without having to see your AH if you think Josey may want to be with him.
with compassion,
peaeandgrace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6
Thanks for the feedback and kind thoughts. It helps with this hard decision. This dog has been a good, faithful and protective of our family for fifteen years. My heart hurts for him as much as it does for us. I know his life changed dramatically, maybe even more than ours--because my ex wasn't home so much at the end. But, he ALWAYS gave Josey love before bed and while they watched TV. It's all so damn sad. Hate it.
Heather
Heather
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
Hi HBerry43 putting a pet down is NEVER an easy decision... and your circumstances just compound the sadness. You beautiful dog relies on you for his comfort and support. You have every right to do what you feel is the best thing for your dog. So sorry for you pain. lara
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