Lara

I am not sure why I post new threads a lot of the time - when if I just took a minute, listened to my soul & said a prayer - I would realise I do know the anwers! And I am sure I know what most members are going to post to my thread... but here goes anyway!
After 3 months 'no contact' except with H sms'd me he was coming to visit me (he lives on an island off East Africa (where my business is based and so I have a second home there - but my permanent home is in South Africa) - and when his brothers contacted me asking for support to get him into rehab (that was about 5 weeks ago after the car crash) - I have not heard a word from H - nor have I tried to contact him. Though I am aware that he has definitely relapsed, is in active addiction, and not doing well. God knows how is he managing to keep the business running....
And I know so many of you (rightly so) are wondering what ever happened to the other critically hurt people in the other car - and how could H not possibly be in jail - I will answer this in another thread.
But for now....
Out of the blue - H phoned me yesterday at about 4.30am South African time. I almost answered but didn't. My heart was racing and I felt sick in the stomach (thought I was doing so well with the detachment thing - but obviously not). My palms became sweaty and fifty different scenarious went racing through my thought process. But I didn't pick up. The ringing stopped. I got out of bed, went outside, watered the bonsai trees (yes at 4.30am) - looked up at the night sky as she tossed her velvet coat - just before the last of the evening stars disappears - said a prayer - went into my son's room and watched him sleep - thanked God for him and my life. I felt calmer. Made some tea and sat. I felt in control. I felt okay. Then he called again. And I picked it up.
He sounded absolutely coherent, calm, okay. He began to tell me how sorry he is, how he misses me.... my mind was racing in a thousand directions and I cancelled the call. Relief again. I prayed he wouldn't call back. He did. He called back about 10 minutes later and sounded completely 'out of it'. He didn't seem to know where he was. I could hear he was in his car. Then he obviously dropped the phone. I could hear him crying. I could hear him calling me. And there I was, a thousand miles away, staring into my phone, feeling desperate. Pondering on the past few months, and where had all the good work gone? It took everything in me to turn my phone off. I did. And then I cried. I felt empty and sick. I then again 'got a grip on myself'. Took my beautiful little boy 'honey tea' in his favourite cup....tossled his gorgeous curly head - thanked God for the precious gift of life... and went about my day. But the gnawing doubt, the 'wanting to send out a search party for H' never left me.

Sunshine2

I am so sorry you are going through this Lara. I have a history of dysfunctional men in my life. The only thing that ever helped me get over someone, was time with no contact. Every time I had contact, I was back to square one.

With the last man I was seeing, we would break up and then he would contact me after 6 months and I would be right back where I started. Now, after 2 years of no contact, I see things in perspective and am just happy I am not in the relationship anymore.

With my ex-husband, it was even worse. After we split up, I would be in a state after he contacted me. Only after persisting for about 2 years, did my feelings towards him turned neutral.

For me, it was always a combination of time and no contact. Anything else kept me a prisoner of a sick relationship.

oooopps

and Lara every time you pick up, you repeat and reopen your wounds.

BE STRONG!! No more picking up his calls. Do it for your sanity, do it for your serenity, do it for your health, do it for your mind, do it for your son, do it for your happiness, Do it for YOU!

Lara

I know!!!!!!! And all the 'what ifs'