Watch Your Kids.....
My emotional baggage
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
Watch Your Kids.....
Just want to send out a reminder. We talk so much on these boards about ourselves and just wanted to send a reminder out to the Mom's and Dad's out there.
I just got my 9 year son in to counceling for the things directly relating to my STBXAH. I really thought that the kids had been relatively unaffected by him and more by my leaving. My STXAH is extremely high functioning.
We used to share custody and it went well for a few months but then a few comments about my STBXAH's anger, by my older son came up and I finally took my husband to court to get custody and get some help from the courts to set up boundaries.
I got temp full custody for a month, then he just had supervised visits for month and a half. Now that the boys are seeing him unsupervised for a few hours a week, all the stress in my older son is coming out.
The councelor sent home a packet for me to fill out and after looking up what it was used for online, it turns out it is for PTSD. He had a full blown panic attack at school the other day because my STBXAH was picking him up and he did not want to be verbally attacked by him, with my STBXAH trying to find out what was said in counceling. The school called and I had to pick him up immediately.
The attorney assigned to the kids got involved and they did not have to go to his house that night. But what about the upcoming visits!!!!
He had seemed to be doing fine. School and sports and extra curricular activies were great. He was fine with me, but I think he just did not want to worry me more than I have already been through. This all from a 9 year old.
Just keep an eye on your kids and THEIR emotional well being......
4MyBoys
I just got my 9 year son in to counceling for the things directly relating to my STBXAH. I really thought that the kids had been relatively unaffected by him and more by my leaving. My STXAH is extremely high functioning.
We used to share custody and it went well for a few months but then a few comments about my STBXAH's anger, by my older son came up and I finally took my husband to court to get custody and get some help from the courts to set up boundaries.
I got temp full custody for a month, then he just had supervised visits for month and a half. Now that the boys are seeing him unsupervised for a few hours a week, all the stress in my older son is coming out.
The councelor sent home a packet for me to fill out and after looking up what it was used for online, it turns out it is for PTSD. He had a full blown panic attack at school the other day because my STBXAH was picking him up and he did not want to be verbally attacked by him, with my STBXAH trying to find out what was said in counceling. The school called and I had to pick him up immediately.
The attorney assigned to the kids got involved and they did not have to go to his house that night. But what about the upcoming visits!!!!He had seemed to be doing fine. School and sports and extra curricular activies were great. He was fine with me, but I think he just did not want to worry me more than I have already been through. This all from a 9 year old.
Just keep an eye on your kids and THEIR emotional well being......
4MyBoys
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
Absolutely! Post here what you see:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...addiction.html
Otherwise, the kids soon will be joining AT LEAST this forum!:
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...addiction.html
Otherwise, the kids soon will be joining AT LEAST this forum!:
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
My emotional baggage
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
Thanks Titanic! There are so many sites in this forum and for some reason I never really go past this group. I have learned sooo much here and cannot even express my Thanks to everyone in this group for all the sharing of information that goes on here....It has got me to where I am today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((4myboys)) - My niece lost her mom in a car accident and her dad is an A. By the time she was 3, she had her own lawyer, counselor and guardian-ad-litem. She sooooo wanted a parent, she thought her "dad" did no wrong.
She's now 19, wants NOTHING to do with him, and I think she still needs counseling as she is a very angry young lady. I can't "fix" her, but I can set a good role model (thanks to SR) and that's what I do.
Hugs and prayers to you and your boys,
Amy
She's now 19, wants NOTHING to do with him, and I think she still needs counseling as she is a very angry young lady. I can't "fix" her, but I can set a good role model (thanks to SR) and that's what I do.
Hugs and prayers to you and your boys,
Amy
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Thank you 4myboys for posting this very important experience.
I think so many parents are fearful of splitting the family apart, and stay "for the children".
Absolutely, a stable loving home with healthy parents is the ideal and provides a good start in life for the young ones. Don't we all want that. Of course. I did too.
But, a home with active addiction, and all that comes with it is disasterous for children. Even when the children are quiet and appear to be unaffected--it is a mistake to think that they haven't absorbed all that goes on. Reading the ACOA board is enough documentation that one would ever need.
A stable home with one loving, healthy parent is a far better alternative to one with two parents acting out their pathology in front of the children.
I wish more attention was given to this.
dandylion
I think so many parents are fearful of splitting the family apart, and stay "for the children".
Absolutely, a stable loving home with healthy parents is the ideal and provides a good start in life for the young ones. Don't we all want that. Of course. I did too.
But, a home with active addiction, and all that comes with it is disasterous for children. Even when the children are quiet and appear to be unaffected--it is a mistake to think that they haven't absorbed all that goes on. Reading the ACOA board is enough documentation that one would ever need.
A stable home with one loving, healthy parent is a far better alternative to one with two parents acting out their pathology in front of the children.
I wish more attention was given to this.
dandylion
My emotional baggage
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
Dandylion,
The sad thing is you think you are getting away from it by moving out and going as "No Contact" as possible having kids, and because he is their father he will be apart of our life for ever. Even with everything that has happened he won't admit there is an issue....If only the courts would listen a little harder.
4MyBoys
The sad thing is you think you are getting away from it by moving out and going as "No Contact" as possible having kids, and because he is their father he will be apart of our life for ever. Even with everything that has happened he won't admit there is an issue....If only the courts would listen a little harder.
4MyBoys
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 235
I so understand! It finally took me listening to children of alcoholics and looking at my own childhood to be ready to leave my AXH. It is not the "alcoholic" parent I was mad at as an adult. I was mad at the sane one. The one who was suppose to be sober. Why would they keep me in this situation? Keep taking care of your boys! Mine are 10 and 5.
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