Terrible flashback today
New to Real Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Terrible flashback today
I had my youngest 2 at the supermarket. They are 3 and 1 and in one of those truck/cart things. They had fruit snacks and were surprisingly calm the whole time (thank you, HFCS).
So anyway then I put the groceries in the car. Kids in the car. Put the cart in the cart carrel and then noticed the fruit snack wrappers so went to throw them into the garbage there.
Suddenly I could see myself. About 3 years ago. Same age-ish kids (my oldest two. So my 3 year old today was a baby then). Same time of year. My husband was out of town and I had gone crazy drinking. I had in my head that I could drink 1/2 bottle of vodka over the weekend and that would be 'normal' to him. But night over the course of the day I drank more than half. And then said 'fuckit' and almost finished it, deciding 'cleverly' that I could buy another one the following morning before he got home and top the bottle up.
And so I did. First in the liquor store that Sunday, 2 precious children in tow. Head throbbing and spinning. Wearing maternity sweats many, many months post partum. Topped up the bottle and was then left with half a bottle of cheap vodka.
I couldn't drink it because my husband would be home soon (plus, I was in the parking lot). So I wrapped it up in a grocery bag I had in my trunk and threw it in the garbage. It killed me to throw it away. The waste!
So it was that same garbage can today where I stood, transfixed for a moment. Two empty fruit snack wrappers, light in my hand. Hair damp from the gym, 40lbs lighter. Different but the same.
I haven't had a drink in over 2 years now. My life is a million times better. It's not perfect. I have developed a chronic pain issue and a dalliance with narcotics to accompany it. I am not long past that and still have longings to escape the pain. But I'm working with a new doctor and am hopeful.
So.. I don't really know what my point is :rotfxko I just wanted to share. Then and now. What a blessing sobriety is. Truly.
for hearing me out.
So anyway then I put the groceries in the car. Kids in the car. Put the cart in the cart carrel and then noticed the fruit snack wrappers so went to throw them into the garbage there.
Suddenly I could see myself. About 3 years ago. Same age-ish kids (my oldest two. So my 3 year old today was a baby then). Same time of year. My husband was out of town and I had gone crazy drinking. I had in my head that I could drink 1/2 bottle of vodka over the weekend and that would be 'normal' to him. But night over the course of the day I drank more than half. And then said 'fuckit' and almost finished it, deciding 'cleverly' that I could buy another one the following morning before he got home and top the bottle up.
And so I did. First in the liquor store that Sunday, 2 precious children in tow. Head throbbing and spinning. Wearing maternity sweats many, many months post partum. Topped up the bottle and was then left with half a bottle of cheap vodka.
I couldn't drink it because my husband would be home soon (plus, I was in the parking lot). So I wrapped it up in a grocery bag I had in my trunk and threw it in the garbage. It killed me to throw it away. The waste!
So it was that same garbage can today where I stood, transfixed for a moment. Two empty fruit snack wrappers, light in my hand. Hair damp from the gym, 40lbs lighter. Different but the same.
I haven't had a drink in over 2 years now. My life is a million times better. It's not perfect. I have developed a chronic pain issue and a dalliance with narcotics to accompany it. I am not long past that and still have longings to escape the pain. But I'm working with a new doctor and am hopeful.
So.. I don't really know what my point is :rotfxko I just wanted to share. Then and now. What a blessing sobriety is. Truly.
for hearing me out.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 522
So it was that same garbage can today where I stood, transfixed for a moment. Two empty fruit snack wrappers, light in my hand. Hair damp from the gym, 40lbs lighter. Different but the same.
That must have felt so good SSIL75...
You must be very proud of yourself and your kids would be too if they were old enough to understandx
That must have felt so good SSIL75...
You must be very proud of yourself and your kids would be too if they were old enough to understandx
New to Real Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble 
It makes me so thankful. It's so crazy to think that I held onto that life so long, afraid to give it up.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
SSIL, Today is day two for me. I have a two year old and what you said inspires me that i can changevtoo, snd look back a couple years from now and see hiw far i have come. That life gets so much better. Thank you!
I don't miss that old life one bit!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
