Weasel1966

Woke up here feeling angry and low. But that's ok. I know why.

My addictive voice is trying to breath.

It Friday.
I was told of a party tonight.
I have not been around people for a while.

So it is slowly suffocating. It's not my fault.

I did nothing to it. I simply looked the other way. Looked over it. Under it. Neglected it.

Kind of the way it has treated me for all these years.

I will make no apologies for my callousness.

While I am down here in the dumps I will look around at where I used to make my home. Remind myself of what was. Maybe even smile at it. Out of pity that is.

Tonight I go to a meeting. Anyone who knows me knows I am not an AA person. I respect it but it's new to me. I am going because I promised myself I will do everything and anything to heal.nothing is off limits.

Will be on SR all day today. Hoping to lend a hand. Say hello. And make some progress.



K

Sapling

Just keep an open mind Ken...Try not to go with the mindset that it's not for you....See what you can relate too....You have to remember you'll be in a room full of people that know exactly what you have been through. People don't walk into their first AA meeting because they are on a winning streak. Have fun with it!

Weasel1966

Winning streak? Hmmm... I am not doing bad then. I am 32 and 14. This year is a big win though. It's the year I set new records. For sobriety!

I do have an open mind. I don't go anywhere I don't want to be. So.... I am going to be patient and see who I can say hello to.

K

Pondlady

Weasel,
Good for you to be openminded and willing to try anything for sobriety. I don't attend AA regularly, but did the summer of 2011 and once in the summer of 2012. I met fantastic people, with many good ideas.......and I would never hesitate to return if I needed something extra . Like Sapling says, have fun with it!

soberjim

Ken....good luck buddy...the determination looks good on you...

Jim

Weasel1966

Ha ha ha...

Yeah determination was not always my color.... But now that it is... It's quite slimming.

Gets rid of all the weight.

freshstart57

This is great news, Ken. The level of resolve that is needed to succeed is absolute. Quit, then heal, or heal and then quit, either takes you to the place you need to be. Congratulations.

tomsteve

while ya got time today, you may want to google and read the big book online.

Weasel1966

Thanks fresh. Yeah I thought I was doing that...all while saying this way is not for me... That way is not for me.

I cannot do this without everything being good for me.

Use it or lose it. Life that is.

Weasel1966

Baby steps there tomsteve... Baby steps.

Vall

Nice of you to offer your help today - errmmm could you lend a hand with my cleaning Ken :>?

My brother was not very AA minded yet since he got back home this year in a very bad state health wise, he ended up going twice a day to meetings for months on end. After 6 months sober he finally got a job two weeks ago :> Now he is so busy he can only go once, but thanks to AA, that's all he needs now.

Weasel1966

Vall... That's great! You sound happy for him.

It's awesome to see people succeed.

And I don't do windows!

MIRecovery

Oh I can relate to being Anti-AA. Over a 20 year career of trying to get a handle on drinking I went to a number of AA meetings and they were not for me. Nice people but I was not like them and did not want their help. I could do this on my own, I was too smart to be hanging around a bunch of losers. I just needed to understand my self better, I just needed a new wife, I just needed a new job and everything would be OK.

Well after alcohol had kicked my _ss for the 100th time and I almost died. I was forced into AA because no amount of money spent seemed to be working, my best thinking had failed, and there were no other options.

I went to a meeting and saw healthy happy people who understood me. That was the beginning of the most incredible journey of my life.

Weasel1966

That great MI!

I have an open mind and heart and I am all I got so I will do anything and everything. No hole barred.

And it kicked my a$$ 100000 times. Gues I am a slower learner.

K

Lost3000

I said things exactly like you said! AA wasn't for me, although I had never been to a meeting. When I first went, I thought, oh these people aren't like me. When I finally realized I needed help, I said baby steps. I told myself I'd do whatever it took to get sober. I wanted to be like those people that say, oh I haven't had a drink in 20 years!

So I went and just sat there quietly. But I kept going, because some of the women I met were really friendly! I had someone say, get a sponsor, now. I thought, well, that was rude. I'm going to take my time! I did take my time and I did eventually get a sponsor 2 months in, but I really wish I would have gotten one a bit sooner.

I'm now almost 9 months sober and have a large group of friends and support at AA. I go to mtgs most if not all days of the week, I meet w/my sponsor once per week, and am reading the BB. Life is much easier these days, even with all of my complaining about my current job.

Good luck!

Mark75

Just remember, AA is a method... It is one method, done a million different ways, but still one method, and the result for many is joy, happiness and freedom... It is for me.

It works if you work it.

Read the Big Book online, start at the beginning.

MIRecovery

I have never met a alcoholic that was a fast learning at least about not drinking. As a group we seem to be the most rebellious, head strong, anti-authority people I have ever run across. You tell me to go right and I will go left just to pi$$ you off

It is only when the pain of change is less than the pain of staying the same does growth happen. I know I put myself through a lot of pain but for the first time in a very long time I am growing

Mizzuno

Good for you Ken. It's nice to see that you are trying on different recovery methods. I know you'll find one that fits perfect. It's all good.

mecanix

I guess there is a party going on somewhere every night ...

It's friday night, yupp lovely evening to wind down just like every other night, i wonder what shows are on, on broadway ?

Not been around people in a while ... which people ? bar-flys ? drinkers still getting hammerd ? druggies ?
Remember you're coming from a background where drinking too much is the normal thing to do .. when you first quit it seems like there is nothing to do, but honestly there are lots of people out and about enjoying themselves who wont drink or do drugs this weekend ..

Bestwishes , M

NoFireWater

"I did nothing to it. I simply looked the other way. Looked over it. Under it. Neglected it.

Kind of the way it has treated me for all these years."

So so true! Alcohol what have you done for me lately? Nothing!!

Can't hurt to try a meeting. If you like it you'll have new sober friends and more tools to deal. If it's not for you, you'll probably learn something about how you want to approach recovery. If it catapaults you to the party, just make sure you pick up a no alcohol drink!