Tools to stop Obsessing

Old 09-21-2012, 02:43 AM
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Tools to stop Obsessing

Hi All,

Anybody got any tools to help stop obsessing??? I find I get an idea (about him)in my head and can't get it out, crazy, racing thoughts. I;d like to learn ways to get it to stop.

Thanx

Earthworm
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Old 09-21-2012, 03:05 AM
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Meditate-
Close your eyes and breathe deeply. On the inhale repeat "Breathe, Smile" and on the exhale repeat "Relax, Let it go." Repeat as many times as needed until you have let it go.

Play-
Then do something healthy that you really enjoy or even better, start something new that you have always wanted to do.

Move- take a walk somewhere in nature or wherever you are or whatever other activity you enjoy- dance, yoga, run, whatever

Practice gratitude and loving kindness- call family and friends and tell them you love them and are grateful for them or when you pass strangers look them in the eye and acknowledge their existence- to yourself you can say I love you and I am thankful for you. This one is amazing and it allows all of that love that you have to give him to be given to others instead of to someone who is denying your love.

This too shall pass- let it pass!
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Old 09-21-2012, 04:51 AM
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I found that for me it is very difficult to just stop doing something. But I found it works when I instead of stopping go for replacing it with something else. The difference is subtle, but still there is a differnce.

So, for example if I feel I start obsessing about about something, I take a book on some difficult subject that interests me and I start studing. When my mind starts drifting back to the problem, without beating myself about it, I remind myself that is something I can not control, and that worring and obsessing will only drive me crazy, and than I chose not to drive myself crazy.
I believe we can control our minds, as long as we are patient and gentle with ourselves.

I guess this sounds crazy , but it works for me.
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:12 AM
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I do my best to distract myself. Usually that means just jumping into doing something. Taking action to accomplish some small task. Sometimes watching a video or show. But mostly by keeping busy. I make lists of things that need to be done around the house and just use that to keep me focused.
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:49 AM
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Something that has worked very well for me is mindfulness. In summary it is about paying attention to your thoughts and emotions. In the beginning for me it was about paying attention to obsessive thoughts and emotions and noticing when they happened and then doing something like asking myself, "who are you talking to", or, "is that happening now".

It gave me a chance to create a pause between the emotion/thought and the reaction. I now had choices, I could choose how I wanted to respond rather than just reacting.

I now had the ability to stop and not immediately jump on that hamster wheel in my head, or if I was on it, and noticed it, I could choose to jump off.

It is big part of what is taught in Al-Anon though they don't call it mindfulness. It is also a big part of Buddhism and Taoism.

I highly recommend it and you can get lots of information for free on the web if you Google mindfulness.

Your friend,
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Old 09-21-2012, 06:18 AM
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My old stand by's like walks or reading did not work for that. I could think while I walked and couldn't concentrate enough to read.

Movies helped but I can only watch so many - I'm not a big TV watcher.

Mostly I just had to be busy. Physically busy doing something - anything really. Then focus on that.
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Old 09-21-2012, 07:09 AM
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Earthworm, great thread!

I too have this issue. I get caught up on a thought about him until the only way that anxious feeling goes away is to call him, or answer his calls. I need to practice some of these good ideas!

Today I'm starting over on day one on no contact, after I gave in and called him yesterday.
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Old 09-21-2012, 09:58 AM
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My therapist gave me this tool that kind of switches your brain from the "reptile" portion to the thinking portion; it's used for folks with PTSD. Wherever you are, perform an inventory of what you see, hear, smell and the sensations on your skin. This has really worked well for me.
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Old 09-21-2012, 10:09 AM
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What helped me was pure luck. I happen to live near a playground. I kept hearing the squeals and yells of play from a distance, so I went and sat there and watched them. I realized that life and laughter were continuing on around me--all I had to do was open my heart and watch it.
He's only one person on a miraculous planet that all kinds of life is happening at any given moment...everywhere around the world people are laughing, crying, loving, talking, being born and dying...all that living going on, life in motion all around me...he was not the end, nor the beginning of my life, but just a piece of my story...he didn't hold the answers to life...I didn't even need the answers to the puzzle of him...I saw that I too needed to get busy and join the living...obsessing about one person while the entire world goes on around me? Naw...I think I'll join in.

The most important thing for me was to accept that I never need solve the puzzle of him. It's ok not to solve that puzzle, it really is. It isn't our job to solve the puzzle of why someone else is the way they are, that's their job. There are so many other things to discover in life...curiousity for life in general...not just one person.
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Old 09-21-2012, 10:14 AM
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Fast walking

Watching high action movies

Talking to another codependent
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Old 09-21-2012, 07:43 PM
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I get those crazy racing thoughts as well. I have to go do something else to distract myself - anything besides re-read emails or texts over and over and over again, and speculate about what he's doing. I'm not very good about stopping the obsessing, but I'm trying - talk to a coworker, a friend, clean, take quick walk down the hall if I am at work, journal, something physical.
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Old 09-22-2012, 02:39 AM
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Originally Posted by SoaringSpirits View Post
My therapist gave me this tool that kind of switches your brain from the "reptile" portion to the thinking portion; it's used for folks with PTSD. Wherever you are, perform an inventory of what you see, hear, smell and the sensations on your skin. This has really worked well for me.
There is a great book, recomended to me by LTD; it is called What happy people know by Dan Baker. The book deals with many things, and there is a lot in it about the way we think, what happens in our brain, and how we can alter our thoughts. It has been a huge help to me, and it gave me a whole new perspective on life, my behaviour, my thoughts and how much of it depends on me.
I highly recomend it.

IN regards to obsessing the main idea is that it comes from the fear, and that fear comes mostly from the part of our brain that is called a reptile brain (the part of brain that developed first during the evolution and the first part of our brain that develops in the womb) and that is the part of brain where our survival insticts are stored - threre in no room for rational thoughts there, but we have other parts of brain - most importantly neocortex in which our rational thoughts are processed. Dr Baker, based on scientific research, claims that there is a window of 1/4 seconds in which we can chose which train of thought we are going to take, and 1/4 seconds is supposed to be more than enought time for make that decision. IN my mind that translates we always have room to decide what and how we're going to think. ...

BTW book is not too scientific to read at all. It is very interesting, with a lot of real life stories, and quite funny at times too.
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Old 09-22-2012, 02:53 AM
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Physical movement always helped me. Cleaning, dusting, straightening, going for a walk.

At home, I would watch an old movie...not the news. When my mind is racing, the news is the worst thing. Craft shows on TV worked very well. It was amusing, and my mind could start working on some craft project I might like to do!

Call a friend, but don't go on and on about the obsession, ask your friend all about what is going on in his or her world--and really listen.
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Old 09-22-2012, 04:19 AM
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Originally Posted by hydrogirl View Post
Physical movement always helped me. Cleaning, dusting, straightening, going for a walk.
I have cleaned my entire kitchen from top to bottom for the last 12 hours. He infuriates me. At least my kitchen is shiny. My heart and my soul feel disgustingly filthy.
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Old 09-22-2012, 05:29 PM
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Hi All
Thanks for the posts. I/m reading this really interesting book about the Trauma of ACOAs in childhood. It/s very enlightening about my patterns in life.

Earthworm
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Old 09-22-2012, 06:42 PM
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It talks about brains and how we internalize and develop patterns in our lives. Drag our past into our present and re_enact our childhoods. I/m so sick oliving like that.

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Old 09-23-2012, 02:35 PM
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Good stuff on this thread of yours Earthworm!

"After the Tears" by Jane Middleton-Moz & Lorie L. Dwinell, right?
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Old 09-23-2012, 03:03 PM
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I'm going to check out those books. Very recently discovered that I have codependent tendencies, could be from being raised in an alc home too.

Anyway, one thing in addition to doing what everyone else here has said, is to keep reminding myself that I can't change his outcome. That all my worrying in the world won't make him call or show up any sooner.
So, I may as well use that time and anxiety to create a project or paint or go running or anything else to get it out of me.

Sorry you're feeling like that, definitely not a good feeling to live with.
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Old 09-23-2012, 03:12 PM
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I have trouble with this as well. I try to switch my focus to something else other than what is bothering me, but then I'll zero in on the new thing and shut out everything else around me.
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Old 09-23-2012, 03:42 PM
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yogachick, don't forget the book mentioned here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...st-us-did.html
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