seek

To work the 12 Steps, you need a higher power - whatever YOU deem that to be.

I realize, that one of my huge problems is that I intellectualize God - I have a great intellectual God consciousness, but it needs to be expanded and nurtured because it does not serve me in some dark times (it does, somewhat, but there is also something blocking it).

I am NOT ASKING anyone to comment on MY God consciousness - I am just wondering, if you would care to share about YOURS . . . what is it like? How are you aware of it? How does it comfort you in difficult times?

Mine is kind of weak . . .I can call on it in the middle of the night and feel somewhat comforted, but not so much in the day time. I feel like the material world is a huge block to MY perception of God.

WishingWell

I found my higher spirit through meditation and deep inner searching. Spent much time reading from people who were much more in touch than I was. So many deep souls out there - I find those voices that touch me and spur an evolution. I invested my heart and soul in this journey and have asked honest and deep question about my place in it all.

Through the years I would say that the biggest transformation has been from having no faith to this very solid level of trust that I now have in the "Universe". I have a trust in what happens to me, even when I don't understand it or it is painful. I really do believe that with all that is here in my life, I will eventually find a gift - if I allow it. I just have to step out of the way.

Beautiful topic!

seek

I love hearing your experience in this matter. I hope to learn more about how to open myself to Spirit. I do a lot of things, but my trauma and the material world are things I must overcome . . .or I need some "grace."

WishingWell

Don't we all?

You are not alone. I've found the most profound experience of "God" is when I get very quiet and still my mind. Call that meditation. That source becomes very clear, very vivid. I can touch it.

It's like a voice whispering in our ear, never above a soft touch - we drown it out with noise. And a spinning mind that never stops talking. It's right there - literally. Inside.

For every single person. We just have to go meet the source halfway. Give our spirit a chance to be heard. Shhhhhhhh -

m1k3

Something that has clicked for me is the idea of Consciousness as my higher power.

Consciousness is something we all experience first hand which is only vaguely understood. Unlike mind, which is being mapped to the brain using new discoveries in NeuroScience, there are no mappings of Consciousness, how it functions or its origins.

It is interesting that there is debate going on in the field of Quantum Physics on how it may relate to Consciousness and the role Consciousness plays in all Quantum events.

Quantum physics requires an observer for events to even happen. The whole Schrodinger's cat thing. If you put a cat in a box and the box is set to trigger the release of a poison gas based on the decay of a particle. This particle has a 50-50 probability of decaying within say 3 seconds. At the end of the 3 seconds the state of the cat becomes indeterminate. It is neither alive nor dead until someone opens the box and observes that outcome. It is the observation that will cause one probability to exist and the other to disappear. It is referred to as the uncertainty principle.

So, no quantum events happen until there is an observer, so how do all the quantum events happen in the universe if there is no one there to observe them?

Some physicists have speculated something called quantum Consciousness or the observer. It sits outside the physical universe as we know it and chooses for lack of a better word which probabilities will actualize and which will collapse.

Taken into the realm of spirituality this Consciousness is the source of Consciousness that we experience. When when pause to choose to think and respond to a thought, event or emotion we are invoking that Consciousness.

Think about it, how can you choose to how to respond to a thought in your head because obviously your choice is based on observing that thought in your mind and making some sort of decision about how to respond, rather than just letting the neurons fire in the typical reaction mode. Who is doing the observing? Who is doing the choosing?

That Observer, what ever it may be, is my higher power.

Your friend,

NYCDoglvr

I wasn't raised a Christian and generally consider myself an agnostic. When I got sober 21 years ago I had to come up with a higher power anyway. For a while it was a tree, then the universe. The only thing it can't be is me.

m1k3

I just remembered something. In some of these debates the terminology used is local vs non-local Consciousness .

Your friend,

MamaKit

Seek,
I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic School. However, I have my issues with religion in general and, like you, intellectualize God.
For lack of a better term, my HP is the universe. When something happens that gives me insight, joy, sorrow - I try and be open to what it is teaching me and where it is taking me. In particular, when something happens that is good or brings me happiness, I accept it as a gift that was given to me intentionally because I needed it or deserved it. My higher power is abundance and generosity and if I am open to it and appreciative of it, it gives me all I need.

I know that is not as tangible as "Christ" or even the concept of faith - but right now that is the best way to express my HP.

Quick story.
Not long after the big traumatic event with my AH that I've posted about here. I found myself distraught, afraid, overwhelmed and frankly in need of some cash for a lawyer and some other things. Not yet open to asking for help from others and feeling very alone I looked for something to brighten my day ahead. "I will dress nice and feel good on the outside today." I thought to myself. Well, no accessory in my drawer looked good with my chosen outfit. Under some scarves, I spotted a small guardian angel pendant on a dainty gold chain that my dear sister gave me when I received my graduate degree. I said "I need an angel today" and put it on. I went about my day. When I arrived home that evening. In my mailbox was a lovely note from that dear sister, with a check. I never asked her for money nor told anyone I was in need. But there it was.
Higher Power? Yes, indeed.

MamaKit

WishingWell

Seek, I woke up thinking about this. A few of us were talking about this on another thread.

One of the great connectors for me and a real and lasting life-changer was reading and watching Eckhart Tolle's "A NEW EARTH". There is a book but also Oprah went through the entire book with Eckhart, chapter by chapter online. It's online now and is free!

Starting with Chapter 1:
Chapter 1 - Oprah and Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth Webcast Video - Oprah.com

Of all the many books and work I've done, this was perhaps one of the most effective for anxiety and stress. I watched this as I was leaving my husband, I was filled with fear, anger and deep anxiety. So much so that my legs actually shook. His ideas soothed my soul and have lasted! I'm a different person and this really helped. Now that I found the videos, I think I'll watch it again too! So thank you for starting this thread!

The truth is - the one person we are truly able to change is ourselves. And why not? The world will always stay crazy, angry, unkind and dysfunctional, but we don't have too. :-)

seek

For some reason, I cannot FEEL God or The Observer or The Universe, all I can do is "think" it. So, in times of trauma, I have no comfort - because it is not anything I can discern . . .

I do pray and have lots of "beliefs" - but they are all intellectual.

I must have some kind of a "God block" going on . . . don't know how to "get at it."

I did do the Oprah/Eckhart Tolle series and I have read lots of books and articles and dabbled in this and that - none of it has touched the "feeling"/knowing part that is needed to have true comfort and faith.

FireSprite

Experiences like that are truly magical in my opinion! Higher Power indeed!!

I would guess that I identify as a Pagan if I had to pick a label.

I guess for me it's a blending of the ideas other have posted about. Kind of a Universal Consciousness.... I believe everything in life feeds to/from a universal energy (both positive & negative) & how we choose to interact with it determines what we receive back from it. I believe every thing in nature deserves respect.

This is why things like "Paying if Forward" make absolute sense to me.

I believe in reincarnation of the soul/spirit and that we manifest into each incarnation with a specific goal to achieve in order for our souls to ascend to the next level of consciousness; but that the journey toward that goal is up to us. Whether we accomplish it the first time around or not is up to us too. There are no specific rules for how or when we must meet our goals. What is the final achievement? IDK, I haven't gotten that far in my philosophy yet, lol. Maybe nothing...maybe as the world & mankind are continually evolving we'll never run out of lessons to learn or soul-work to do.

Personally, I find the idea of being ANYWHERE for an eternity to be horribly boring sounding. Really, I'm going to work my entire physical life toward either hellfire or having my every desire fulfilled without further effort for an ETERNITY? *To me*, this dichotomy is too extreme on both sides for something so permanent.

I was raised Catholic & could never reconcile these ideas to the religion. Since it isn't exactly the type of religion that welcomes independent thought, no one could ever guide me or answer my questions in ways that made sense. I always seemed to get handed a whole lotta "Just Do Unto Others...." kind of talk..... well, no crap! I call that Common Sense not religious doctrine. I also felt like so many people around me who had been born into the religion accepted it without examining it or fully knowing it even. So when I would ask questions, they literally didn't have answers. They just did what they learned, what they were taught, what they were told.

I'm not saying this is how the Catholic religion is now or was ever intended to be. This is MY experience solely, but it was enough to make me question everything & break free from the church at the very first opportunity I had. No offense intended to any practicing Catholics!

Just my $.02 & it's coming out all scrambled.....

WishingWell

Seek, if at this moment you can't feel and can only "think" - I do believe that your closest avenue to your higher spirit and maybe only one - is to learn how to stop thinking. To switch off you brain. I know, I know, it takes awhile to "get" meditation. You sit there like a bump on a log and nothing happens, minutes feel like hours and the mind runs around but like any practice it gets better. It gets so good that people have been practicing meditation for thousands of years. There is a reason for that - it works.

If you can't stop the mind from thinking - well, learn to turn it off. What a concept. It's so beautiful when you can . . . there are no words. It's like encountering God directly. We expect that all we'll find is dark silence when we turn off the mind - but what we find instead is a universe of spirit that's been waiting for us.

There are many great books to help you get there. I meditate always with meditation music. It helps me go there. We each find our path. I would encourage you to try it again, I'm sure from reading your deep words you have in the past!! Start new -

FireSprite

Beautifully said!

Confetti

I was raised a catholic, but have held on to very few 'religious' beliefs from that time in my life.

I have though, in the past few years started to feel more spiritual. I'm not exactly sure what my HP is. I too, often have a hard time when I am actively in a state of fear. Or anxiousness about how to 'tap into it'

The one thing I do find is that on some spiritual level the stars comfort me. If I sit outside in utter silence and look at the stars, something in my soul stirs. I'm not sure how else to describe it....and it makes me feel calm and peaceful as though every thing (as crappy as it may be at that very moment) is happening for a very specific reason. I just might not know why yet.

Only downfall to my method. The stars only come out at night,which often leaves me feeling anxious and almost abandoned during the day.

lillamy

Is it possible that your God is just too human? What I mean is -- is it possible that you are intellectualizing to keep God at arm's length, because you're convinced he will let you down just like you feel everyone else has?

See, I went a step further: I was mad at God. I told God not to talk to me, that I wasn't interested, because I had been a good person and tried my best with everything and I wasn't rewarded. In fact, the punishment life gave me through my alcoholic got worse and worse. So I was angry at God. I felt like God had misled me and lied to me.

How I got out of it, and back to a trusting relationship... is a long story. It started with clearing out all the preconceived notions about what I was supposed to believe and feel about God. And then rediscovering who God was.

FireSprite

I just finished reading "The Shack" by William P. Young. It was given to me by my acupuncturist & it was very interesting & really fits this topic. Has anyone else read it?

m1k3

Seek, I know exactly where you are coming from. How is worked for me was it started when I began working my recovery. I did a lot of reading into mindfulness and how to use it to stop or at least slow down all the terrible thoughts and emotions in my head.

I did some very simple meditation, just counting my breaths, for 2 to 10 minutes a do and started paying attention to my thoughts. For example when I found myself having a fight with my AW in my head I would ask myself "who are you talking to?". Or, if I was feeling anxious or angry for no reason I would take a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down. The more I did that the better I got at it.

When I did this I wasn't paying any attention to who or what was monitoring my thoughts, I just used it.

I then began to get deeper into the spirituality part of it. Mostly just reading and still practicing the mindfulness. What really interested me with this is I am an atheist. The practice worked whether I believed in God or a higher power or what.

No beliefs, just something that worked.

I could create that gap between the stimulus and the reaction. I could create a pause that gave me some control over how I chose to respond and not just be running on autopilot.

The more I did this the more I felt that connection, the more open I became to new tools. I have sense begun to work on choosing my attitudes, choosing to become healthy and sane.

One tool I use now is every morning when I get up I write 3 gratitudes. The only rule I have is I can't repeat from the previous day. I want to put the effort into actually thinking about what I am grateful for. I also write one thing about how I want to handle that day. Currently I am using "I will look for solutions not problems".

By starting my day like that I am taking a little time to set an attitude up for the day. One of gratitude and purposefulness.

I am still an atheist in that I don't believe in god or gods other than as symbols for what is happening in my head.

But, I also know that I am tapping into something. I can and have used mindfulness to short-circuit my reactive behavior, I have used gratitude to set up a positive attitude for the day. I have felt them work. I know there is some sort of observer that I use to watch my thoughts and emotions.

Whether it is just another layer of my consciousness wholly internal to me or I am tapping into some sort of non-local consciousness doesn't matter. I don't need to understand it to use it.

I will continue to practice mindfulness and gratitude simply because it works.

Your friend,