nervous, turned texts in again to deputies
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 283
nervous, turned texts in again to deputies
So I have an order that XABF cannot contact me or see me (DVP). It was going very well up until recently.
On August 12 I got a call from his mother, she said that he had asked her to call to ask me if I would ever talk to him again. Instead of answering I told his mother that it was illegal for him to send messages though her. She apologized, stating that he had bugged her to death (manipulated her) until she said she would call.
Then on August 26, he got way more creative. He started sending texts from a prepaid cell. They started out very criptic "Someone loves u very much. Do u know that?"
2 or 3 a day. Its funny how you can look at a text and know whether someone is drunk or not. When I completely ignored them, thinking that they might just go away and thinking it would be very hard to prove it was him, they escalated
"R U F***ing Carolyn's biker dudes? I know you have a new boyfriend"
So yesterday his mom called again, asking me if I knew the passwords for his email account, because he wanted to accuse me of hacking it. I told her that if he though I was hacking it, he should change the password, and that he should leave me alone.
So today, when they started, I had enough. I called the Domestic Violence worker and asked what I should do, she transferred me to the deputy who handled it initially. He asked that I print all of the texts and make a statement. He also asked me to send a text that said "who is this" and then another to see if he would admit it was him.
He never outright admitted it was him, but he did type enough to where at least I am 100% sure it was him.
The deputy tells me it is a AT&T go phone. He is able to make an inquiry. If J. paid by credit card, he is busted. If he is going to the store to buy refill cards, it's totally harder to track. I'm not really sure how this will end. He says that depending on whether or not J's mother will cooberate her story that he asked her to call, he could be charged with that. I printed the text that started with "J. wanted me to call you and ask"
I'm afraid if they can't prove anything it will only serve to make him angrier. Right now he is living at his mom's house (very small town, nothing to do, the only people who might hang out are at the bar or are druggies or alcoholics too. His mother tells me he is drinking every day. She is staying with her daughter in another state so he has his mother's home to his self (he is likely destroying it, but not my problem). He still earns unemployment ($400 per week by lying to the state of north carolina to say he is a resident there and looking for a job).
As for me, I am loving my new teaching job, and I am going to school full time to get my Master's in Reading. I have been out on a couple of dates but am being much pickier this round (guy who lives in his van didn't get a second go). My daughter is thriving. Our new home is lovely. I just wish I could get this dark cloud and feeling of impending doom lifted off of me for good.
It has been a year and a half since I left, and only a couple of months since I had to get the restraining order.
He has already spend 24 hours in jail for violating the order the first time. He also got a fine and a 10 day suspended sentence. That means that if they charge him with contact, he will automatically have to go to jail for 10 days.
Do you think I did good by reporting this, or should I have just kept ignoring?
On August 12 I got a call from his mother, she said that he had asked her to call to ask me if I would ever talk to him again. Instead of answering I told his mother that it was illegal for him to send messages though her. She apologized, stating that he had bugged her to death (manipulated her) until she said she would call.
Then on August 26, he got way more creative. He started sending texts from a prepaid cell. They started out very criptic "Someone loves u very much. Do u know that?"
2 or 3 a day. Its funny how you can look at a text and know whether someone is drunk or not. When I completely ignored them, thinking that they might just go away and thinking it would be very hard to prove it was him, they escalated
"R U F***ing Carolyn's biker dudes? I know you have a new boyfriend"
So yesterday his mom called again, asking me if I knew the passwords for his email account, because he wanted to accuse me of hacking it. I told her that if he though I was hacking it, he should change the password, and that he should leave me alone.
So today, when they started, I had enough. I called the Domestic Violence worker and asked what I should do, she transferred me to the deputy who handled it initially. He asked that I print all of the texts and make a statement. He also asked me to send a text that said "who is this" and then another to see if he would admit it was him.
He never outright admitted it was him, but he did type enough to where at least I am 100% sure it was him.
The deputy tells me it is a AT&T go phone. He is able to make an inquiry. If J. paid by credit card, he is busted. If he is going to the store to buy refill cards, it's totally harder to track. I'm not really sure how this will end. He says that depending on whether or not J's mother will cooberate her story that he asked her to call, he could be charged with that. I printed the text that started with "J. wanted me to call you and ask"
I'm afraid if they can't prove anything it will only serve to make him angrier. Right now he is living at his mom's house (very small town, nothing to do, the only people who might hang out are at the bar or are druggies or alcoholics too. His mother tells me he is drinking every day. She is staying with her daughter in another state so he has his mother's home to his self (he is likely destroying it, but not my problem). He still earns unemployment ($400 per week by lying to the state of north carolina to say he is a resident there and looking for a job).
As for me, I am loving my new teaching job, and I am going to school full time to get my Master's in Reading. I have been out on a couple of dates but am being much pickier this round (guy who lives in his van didn't get a second go). My daughter is thriving. Our new home is lovely. I just wish I could get this dark cloud and feeling of impending doom lifted off of me for good.
It has been a year and a half since I left, and only a couple of months since I had to get the restraining order.
He has already spend 24 hours in jail for violating the order the first time. He also got a fine and a 10 day suspended sentence. That means that if they charge him with contact, he will automatically have to go to jail for 10 days.
Do you think I did good by reporting this, or should I have just kept ignoring?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Hey there, I think you are doing the right thing.
Each time he contacts you , report him, he needs to suffer the consequences of his bad behavior.
I'm so glad you are happy and doing so well.
Keep going and don't let him invade your world, let the authorities handle him.
Can you change your number????
take good care of you. love Katie
Each time he contacts you , report him, he needs to suffer the consequences of his bad behavior.
I'm so glad you are happy and doing so well.
Keep going and don't let him invade your world, let the authorities handle him.
Can you change your number????
take good care of you. love Katie
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
Oh geez, what a jerk! Why can't they just freaking go AWAY??
I'm so sorry you still have to deal with this guy and his crap, but YES, you did exactly the right thing. Ignore HIM, but turn over the texts so the authorities can do their job. This guy needs to know that you are not going to talk to him, but you WILL have him arrested if he continues to break the restraining order. ((((HUGS))))
I'm so sorry you still have to deal with this guy and his crap, but YES, you did exactly the right thing. Ignore HIM, but turn over the texts so the authorities can do their job. This guy needs to know that you are not going to talk to him, but you WILL have him arrested if he continues to break the restraining order. ((((HUGS))))
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Absolutely I think you did the right thing. This guy has been instructed by the courts to leave you alone and still he does not respect your boundaries. If THAT doesn't do the job, maybe him going to jail will. These kind of people are unpredictable and I am glad you went to the proper authorities. There's a reason for having a restraining order against him! He just doesn't get it. Maybe now he will. You did good!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Just my 2 cents, but maybe it's time to stop communicating with the mom also. I do not know if she is the child's grandma or not. If she isn't there is really no reason to keep in contact, if she is, make it a rule not to discuss the ex with her.
Reporting his behavior shows you mean business. Continue on your healthy journey. Wishing you all good things.
Reporting his behavior shows you mean business. Continue on your healthy journey. Wishing you all good things.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 41
Hi
Yes you did the right thing, I got one on my husband but because he still needs to contact me regarding our children I was told I had to keep my phone number...
If you have no reason to keep your number like I do then change your number...I know its not something you should have to do but really its a small change when you think he will not be able to contact you...also if the mother is still in contact with you then she will not have the new number either.
Yes you did the right thing, I got one on my husband but because he still needs to contact me regarding our children I was told I had to keep my phone number...
If you have no reason to keep your number like I do then change your number...I know its not something you should have to do but really its a small change when you think he will not be able to contact you...also if the mother is still in contact with you then she will not have the new number either.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
XXXXXXXXXX, I'm very relieved you reported this latest escapade!
Please stay safe. If you 'let this slide' it would escalate with him. Please do not hesitate to report any and all contact from him.
Glad you are enjoying the new teaching job!!
Please stay safe. If you 'let this slide' it would escalate with him. Please do not hesitate to report any and all contact from him.
Glad you are enjoying the new teaching job!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I'd run this by the deputy first, but maybe text back "I'm not sure who you are, but I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to be contacting me".
I think you did great. Stay in touch with that deputy!
I think you did great. Stay in touch with that deputy!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Do you think I did good by reporting this, or should I have just kept ignoring?
So it's a good thing you did. Because the other thing is that it's easy to go "well, that wasn't so bad" and accept more and more contact (which encourages #(*#$ like him).
Are you safe? Are you armed? I recommend carrying bear spray.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
Some people just don't take a hint, but need the entire house to fall on their heads before they open their eyes. Sorry you're dealing with this. I hope this will put an end to it, but who knows. ((((HUGS))))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
10X, I absolutely think you are handling this in the best way possible. In my state, a young woman, a mother of 4, was shot and thrown in a ditch by her exbf. She isn't going to make it. I am sure she didn't think the threat was serious. Always take it seriously.
Keep safe, and glad to hear your life is going well regardless.
Keep safe, and glad to hear your life is going well regardless.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Always take it seriously.
Please let your mother-in-law go, so far I have not seen any good things from her.
I am so glad that pinhead has 10 days to think about it.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
You did the correct thing!!!!
Be prepared though to have to do it again. When I originally read your post I
couldn't help but think he's not going to stop. Being in jail for a few days or weeks
will not deter him from his 'game.' And yes, I believe to him this is a game.
Now you know what you have to do for you, and the next time it will be easier.
Your growth and conviction makes my heart smile.
Love and hugs,
Be prepared though to have to do it again. When I originally read your post I
couldn't help but think he's not going to stop. Being in jail for a few days or weeks
will not deter him from his 'game.' And yes, I believe to him this is a game.
Now you know what you have to do for you, and the next time it will be easier.
Your growth and conviction makes my heart smile.
Love and hugs,
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