Binky2012

Hi, I just signed up today after reading thru some posts last night. I have no idea how to do this chat/forum, etc. but I need help...

My best friend died when she was 35 (16 yrs. ago) and she left a boy and a girl, the sweetest children in the world. I told her before she died that I would always be a part and watch over her children.

the "boy" is messed up emotionally, mentally and now snorting oxy for the last year off and on. He has a VERY loving family full of forgiveness with all paths leading to God. I think they have done all they can do.
I am taking a leap of faith with my husb. to try and help the boy no matter what it takes, he never said goodbye to his Mom and NEVER grieved for her. He is very sad and angry that his Mom wasn't there for him like all of his other friends.

I am so scared he is going to give up and not choose to keep on "keepin' on"! He was hospitalized in June, was clean 30 days and left rehab because "he is not a meth head"...no he is not but he is one step from heroin...snorting oxy seems to be pretty damn close...please help me

Binky

Impurrfect

((Binky)) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here. I totally understand your wanting to help this boy, the promise you made to your friend. I will just share my experience.

My stepmom had 4 kids. Her youngest died in a car wreck at age 18, her 1-year-old daughter was heading to the same family reunion, but in dad/sm's car.

I call my niece the "bratkin" as she's been quite a handful. Her dad is an A (addict) and is in prison for the umpteenth time of her 19 years.

My sm mostly raised her..dad travels a lot. She felt guilty that bratkin lost her mom and her dad was an A, so she was never told "no", she never faced any consequences for anything. She was smoking weed at 11, getting drunk at 12, etc.

I lived a couple hours away, but I turned to drugs because I'm a codependent..had a bf who was an alcoholic, couldn't "fix" him, even after 20 years, and for whatever reason I turned to drugs.

Today? My niece is 19, she is 9 mos. pregnant and married. She is still clueless about life, but she has some good role models (NOT my sm). My sm is an A, my dad has turned into a codie (codependent) and I live with them because of consequences of my action.

I am one of the few people who will not let my niece act out without consequences. Don't get me wrong...I love her as if she were my own child. However, I will not tolerate some of her behavior and we've gone months not speaking.

There are times she's told me how she hates me. However, she's always told me "we may not get along, but I know you love me and I love you, too". She has addiction in every gene of her body..both sides of the family.

What I do is try to set a role model for her to follow. Yes, she gets ticked, yes, she will yell at me, but since she got pregnant? We get along great and she is getting the idea of WHY I wanted certain things for her (like graduating high school, which she didn't).

I understand the feeling of wanting to do everything you can for this young man, but unless HE wants to change? He won't. All the love can't change it. If it did, none of us would be here.

This forum has helped me, tremendously, in dealing with my loved ones and I hope it helps you, too.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Sasha4

Hi Binky

I am not really experienced to give you advice.
I just wanted to say hi and that I love your user name.

My 2 year old has an imaginary friend called Binky who is a little girl with orange hair and a green bow who lives in the tree outside her bedroom window!
Binky always gets the blame for any mess or accidents that happen!
However I think she is really cool.

I hope you find what your looking for here.
I am sure you will.
I am sending you lots of good thoughts and love and hope things start to get better.

xxxx

hello-kitty

Hi and welcome. I hope you will read all you can on this website so you can educate yourself about all the pitfalls that accompany trying to help an addict. I mean you can't save someone who isn't ready to be saved. Most of us end up here because we need to just save ourselves from someone elses addiction. So inviting that into our lives on purpose seems a little foreign to me. That doesn't mean you don't love him and pray for him. It just means you can't fix him.

Snorting oxys is not a cheap habit and addicts can't be trusted, so if you are thinking of letting him move in with you (which I do not recommend) be sure to hide your jewelry... and definitely don't give him money.

How old is "the boy" anyway?

outtolunch

"Not a Meth head" was an excuse. He did not want to be in the recovery program.

Really no difference between Oxy ( opioid) and heroin ( opiate) in tems of addictive qualities. One is not better or worse than the other. As I understand it, one gets more bang for the buck from heroin.

The " stickies at the top of the page is a good place to start reading.

BTW, my childhood nicknname was Binky.

JMFburns

Welcome Binky,

I am the Mother of a 31 yr. old A son, he has been clean for just over 3 yrs. There are 3 warrants for his arrest due to things he did while using. He doesn't work, he gets food cash from government.

I joined SR to get support for myself, as Impurrfect mentioned. I gave my son everything I had in my attempt to try to "love" him, save him, etc. It did no good.

I'm stronger now and saner now because of going to Al Anon, Nar Anon and reading and posting here on SR. I hope you find the help and support you need.

Binky2012

Hi,

He is 20 y.o., I am seeing him today and have nothing to offer him but love and support. I know that an addict won't get better until they want to but as everyone else does, I feel so helpless and just want to wrap him up in a big blanket and lay next to him until the demons are gone.

If it could be so simple...(wishful thinking I know)

God how can someone so young want to throw there life away to drugs. I really feel like if he could get help with his emotional being (the loss of his Mom) and all the anger about it, he wouldn't use...

What do I say to him that I haven't already said? His Mother fought for her life with every fiber in he body and then the cancer took her. I made a promise to her on her death bed that I would watch over him and I am at a loss as to what I can do...

I so appreciate you taking the time to respond to my thread - I pray I can make a difference in this young mans life.

Thank You again!
Binky

PS: Yes a very expensive drug, he has spent over 5k in less than a year for this crap.

Binky2012

Hi there,

My husband nicknamed me his "binky" kinda cute! I thank you for your reply and am doing all that I can humanly possible to help "my boy" so young and such a waste...

I do not see "the stickies" at the top of the page - are they yellow (lol)?

Thank You, again!
Binky

hello-kitty

Stickies are here:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

So sorry for what you are going through. His story is a sad story - but they usually are. What I do know is that that an addict will not quit using until the pain caused in his life by using is WORSE than the pain caused in his life by not using. It's called hitting bottom - and every addict's bottom is different. Doing things for him to soften the consequences of his drug use stops him from hitting bottom. So even though it's human nature to want to fix his problems for him, that really only makes his problems worse. That's called enabling. And it prolongs active addiction.

Have you thought about attending al-anon or nar-anon (support groups for the family and friends of addicts and alcoholics)? That may be a good place to start, as you come to terms with what you are dealing with.

He's young. There's lots of hope. He just has to go through what he has to go through. Good luck to both of you.